The dreaded mother-in-law?

Question

Since my son was born, my mother-in-law has been moreso fighting with me over attention. She has to be centre of attention and has pushed me further away because of her controlling behaviour. She recently became violent and has pushed me around before. Now I am terrified of her and my father-in-law can sense an atmosphere when we visit them. I basically refuse to visit because im scared of what she will do next and I only agree to go to take the grand children. Now my father-in-law has sided with her and is making me out to be the one with the problem but everybody who knows her she alienates so what do i do? Do I put up with it for my husbands sake or carry on as I am?

Answer 1

She is a bully, and nobody is helping her by defending her, she has no right what so ever to make you feel this way, or to be doing what she is.

Have you spoke to your husband about this, if so then he needs to be on your side and to let his parents know why you are not going round there and that it is not acceptable.

I am guessing that your father in law has sided with her for his own sake, if shes like this with you, she may well be worse for him, as he lives with the monster. So to an extent you can understand why he has, though it doesnt help him or her.

She needs help, professional help.

If your scared do not visit, not worth making yourself ill over it.

Write her a letter telling her how you feel, say you want to be friends, but feel with her behaviour towards you at the moment that cant happen.

Hope things work out.

Answer 2

At this point, it is your husband's responsibility to step up and tell his mother to back off. You see it all the time, men are almost afraid to tell their mother's for fear of hurting their feelings, or sometimes it is hard for men to come to terms with the fact that their mother's are behaving in such a way.

My advice would be to speak to your husband about it, and let him know that what his mother has done, and if he doesn't confront her about it, then you will.

It is also very difficult for a mother to realize that she is no longer the only woman in her son's life. That his wife is now taking precendence. The same with father's and daughter's, it's just women deal with it in some pretty dramatic ways.

Talk to your husband...it is not right that she is literally pushing you around. Good luck, and I hope things work out!

Answer 3

If it upsets you let your husband take the children round to visit, your father in law perhaps has to side with her for a quiet life. Why hasnt your husband stuck up for you. Does he know what has been happening if so he should have said something to her and kept away until she changes her ways.

Answer 4

Have you talked to your husband about this? You don't have to do anything you don't want to do, if you want the children to know her have your husband take them over there and stay home and enjoy the quiet, it is the perfect time for you to take care of yourself. If your children are old enough to tell you what they want then let them make the decision about visiting but you don't have to have anything to do with her. You could always write her a letter telling her the things she has done that hurt you so she knows and you know she knows, but let your husband read it so he can back you up. Good Luck

Answer 5

just don't go there any more...have someone drop the kids off, or have your husband take them...you don't need to be treated like that...not by anyone, let alone her....if she asks why you don't go there any more....tell her what you told us....you cannot change people, she seems to have been like that all her life by the looks of things...just count yourself lucky that you two are not blood related...we know what they say about look at the mother to see what the daughter will turn out like....you had a lucky escape there....lol....just don't visit any more, be honest with her and tell her she's unbearable to be around, don't tell her your scared of her, she may start bullying you...just say that you can't be in the same room as her....i did with my ex MIL....

Answer 6

Mother's in laws can be very possessive; tell me about it. it is very hard to say what is right doing, because sincerely I don't thing there is a right for them. Out of experience I can tell you a few tips:
1. I never show her that I am irritated, but keep to my steps and ways of doing things;
2. sometimes I manage to ignore her, just think of something nice when she starts critisising;
3. NEVER say anything against her with your husband; remember she is his mum and he will never go against her wishes;
4. avoid being alone with her but visit accompanied by your husband;
5. keep your head up high, your dignity is the most important in your relationship.

Good luck

Answer 7

You should tell your husband what's going on then let him know that you will be talking with his mother, tell her how you feel and that you are NOT taking her crap anymore period. I know that m i l can be really scary but pretend that your not scared of her at all. Maybe when she sees that you'll stand up for yourself then she'll do better. If all that fails tell her she can't see her grandchildren until she learns how to act. You set the rules, that is your child, not hers. Good luck

Answer 8

any one who behaves in this way is a bully. she does it because she can....
because you let her.
you need to stand up for yourself. most bullies are weak and they bully because of this.

she has low self esteem, this will make her aggressive. there are 3types of people..passive-this is the type that's lets people walk over them because they dare not stand up to anyone
assertive-this is when people get their point across without anger or belittling the other person,

and lastly aggressive which is obviously just that. these type of people get nasty and put others down to make themselves look better.


i think your mother in law is aggressive, if you stand up to her, she will know she cant bully you anymore because it wont work to make her feel superior.

good luck. you are an individual. you have the right to be happy. nobody has the right to make you feel bad, remember that always x

Answer 9

Where is your husband in all this? He should be backing YOU up, and putting her in her place! After all, you are his wife, and he made vows when he married you.
If he's not behind you all the way, then it needs sorting out. He needs to realise that he's leaving you in a very awkward position, and this needs a fast handling.
Good luck with getting this sorted.

Answer 10

No!!! let your husband take the kids around to see them and you tell him what she has done on you and if he doesn't believe you send him home too, you don't deserve this they should have respect for you, you carried there grandson for nine months, how ungrateful people are.