He abandoned us when I was 9 months pregnant and has only seen his daughter less than 1 week since birth. He has since married the women he left us for and has started a family with her.
2006-11-06 07:16:20 · 11 answers · asked by Anonymous in Pregnancy & Parenting ➔ Parenting
No I wouldn't press him. He should be paying for child support however. He knows he has a child and should be seeing her. You could drop him a line and let him know the door is open for visiting. But that's it.
I commend your attitude for being so fair in this situation. If it were me I'd want to KILL my ex and his new wife. (Kind of like the last episode of desperate housewives lol!) Good Luck to you and your daughter!
2006-11-06 07:32:25 · answer #1 · answered by ????? 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
There's no pat answer to this based on the information you gave. Things I would consider before pushing for his involvement are (1) is there a reasonable father substitute for her, like a stepdad, involved uncle or grandad? If so, and they've really bonded, then I think I'd leave well enough alone. (2) What is he like now, what are his values, will his new wife hate you and give subconscious negative messages to your daughter forever? This is a situation to be avoided. However, if there is no reasonable father substitute for her, than I'd say get him involved anyway but do it LATER rather than sooner. Maybe age 10. This way, she'll be able to get to know her father, and won't be able to say you kept her from him. She'll be old enough to deflect some of the crap if any gets slung her way (or your way, through her... 10 and 11 year olds are VERY reasonable people, in my experience, they start to decompress around 12).
One thing I've learned from my daughter, and from knowing her friends, is that there's something inside that makes it very important for a girl to have a relationship with her father, and I recommend it unless he's dangerous, really evil or mean. Of course, be guided by her, but if he's had no contact with her, wait until she's old enough. Again, ten is about right. Don't wait until she's 12 or 13, that's a really tough age. Good luck.
2006-11-06 15:59:28 · answer #2 · answered by Singinganddancing 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
That's a tought one. You don't mention how much time has passed or how old your daughter is now. If she is over four or five it may be too late. In that case, just approach your ex with the offer of time with his daughter and let him decide.
If she is still very young then I'd say yes, try to get them together at least once a week for a few hours. Give it a few months for them to bond.
I knew my ex and I couldn't survive living together, but she pushed our daughter into my arms and the bond was formed. She is now 21 years old and though we do not have a perfect relationship, I am devoted to her until the day I die.
The mistake I made was to move away to pursue my career and she was left in a very poor household while I lived comfortably, ignorant of her suffering. She resents that, understandably.
Your ex stayed until the ninth month and then split. Sounds like panic to me. But he'll mature, eventually. If he refuses to accept his role as an absent parent, then at least you have tried.
We need all the support we can get in this world. Don't let your feelings of hurt or anger deprive your daughter of a potential protector and benefactor.
Good luck.
2006-11-06 15:37:39 · answer #3 · answered by Scott T 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
OK. First of all please tell me you are not still hung up on the guy. Any guy that is going to stick around long enough to get you pregnant and then leave right before the baby is born doesn't deserve that child. But that child does deserve support. I hope that you have already handled that issue. But, the courts say that if he pays child support then he is allowed to see the child. It is his decision to stay away. Here's the clinger, whether he sees that baby or he doesn't, he still has to pay child support. So he can tell you he wants nothing to do with you or the baby, but he is legally obligated to support that child whether he wants to or not. I am assuming that because he left before the baby was born he did not sign the birth certificate. If that is the case then the courts will order a DNA test to prove paternity.
My advice take his skank a*s to court and make him support the baby he helped create, whether he wants something to do with her or not.
It is very hard to raise a child by yourself but people do it everyday and if he doesn't want to be in her life, you will eventually find somebody that will Love you so much he will love her like his own.
2006-11-06 15:36:45 · answer #4 · answered by Danielle W 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You can't force anyone to do something they're not willing to do so pressing him into having relationship isn't going to help. It sounds like you would like him to form some type of relationship with his daughter, which is understandable. I would merely let him know the door is open. Hopefully he'll be a man and step through it but the choice is up to him. Just be open and honest with your daughter no matter what he chooses.
2006-11-06 15:22:50 · answer #5 · answered by cgspitfire 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I dont see how you can force him to spend time with your child you can talk to him and see if he wants to be a part of your childs life but if not dont make him your daughter deserves to have someone who wants to be around her you just keep being a good mommy because what goes around comes around and your ex is going to get it back for abandoning your baby
2006-11-06 15:22:22 · answer #6 · answered by J 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Are you sure you want him to see you daughter or you???? If he wasnt there with you during the pregnancy then he shouldnt have the chance to get to meet that beautiful little person so just let him go he isnt worth it and specially if he left you while you were pregnant just move on and think about my question
2006-11-06 15:21:28 · answer #7 · answered by kristel 1 · 0⤊ 1⤋
The only reason to talk to him is to get child support. If you don't want that, don't bother calling him. If he ever grows some morals, he'll call you. Don't give him too much crap when he does--some people take years to grow up.
2006-11-06 15:21:34 · answer #8 · answered by wayfaroutthere 7 · 0⤊ 1⤋
I would contact him and let him know you are open for him to visit with her, but I wouldn't pressure him to do it. Just let him know he can if he wants to, and leave it at that. Nagging him about it will cause more harm than good.
2006-11-06 15:19:05 · answer #9 · answered by angelbaby 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Talk to him, and ask him if he wants to be a part of her life. If not then let it go. He can explaine it to her when she gets older.
2006-11-06 15:24:38 · answer #10 · answered by purpledragonflyjrh 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋