Just a question for step- parents out there..?

Question

I am helping raise 2 children. (Full time)- I take them to dr.'s appt, practices , do homework, laundry , cook their meals. I am basically doing what their biological mom doesn't, and I find myself getting resentful because I dont feel as a stepparent there is any kind of recognition for things you do . Am I wrong? How do you get past feeling like no matter how much you do or what you say it is never good enough? How do you get past feeling resentful? Is it normal to feel this way?

Answer 1

they appreciate it when they're older. my stepkids can't stand to ask for anything now, they feel like they've asked for so much already and they appreciated it.

Answer 2

I understand to a point where you're coming from. In our household tho', we don't differentiate between step and biological children. We're all one big family. I find that what I resent more is that other people think you shouldn't act as a parent when you're a step parent. (I posted a question in regards to that this weekend).

When I first came into the family, our son (now age 11) had serious issues with me as did his mother. I sat down with my husband and discussed my fears and concerns with him and asked him how he wanted me to interact with the kids... strictly hands off or as a parent. That was a huge help as I was able to find out what he wanted and expected of me. We then sat down with the kids and let them know that I was not trying to take the place of their mother, that's not my job, but my job was to insure their safety, health and well being. Their dad and I layed down the rules and they know that I can enforce them (short of spankings, that's Dad's job). I've found that it's been a much easier road since the kids know what's expected of them with us. Sure we disagree with one another occasionally but we're a united front as far as the kids can tell and then we'll discuss things behind closed doors.

If you're looking for someone to thank you, sorry but being a parent is a pretty thankless job. At least verbally. Just try to remind yourself that you would be doing the same for your bilogical children and stop trying to differientiate between step vs. biological. Hopefully you'll find yourself being less resentful.

Answer 3

Watch the movie step mom with Susan Sarandon and Julia Roberts. it might give you some insight into how you feel. I too also helped raise a step-daughter, it seemed like nothing I did mattered once she went back to her mothers(joint custody).All in all she has grown up, went on to school and has become a responsible adult. I guess it doesn't matter how we feel, it's how the child turns out.

Answer 4

I am a stepmom, and I understand your feelings, although the step kids I have are joint custody and they live with us half the time. Every other week. You have one advantage, and that is you get to raise them how you want. When our kids go to their moms they can do what they want and disrespect her too. We don't allow that so they are inluenced by their mom that we are too strict because we have bedtime and eat dinner at hte table, and do homework. The olsest is 16-boy, and the other is a girl-14.

Answer 5

Biological parents get no recognition either. we tote them around, wait for them to give them rides home. we give endlessly and they have no idea - and that is our job, to care for them and not make them feel guilty for what they need, or want.

It may be normal to feel this way for you, it's hard to say. You have to approach the care for the children as something you do because you love them and want what is best - it is not about getting thanks.

If you don't feel that way, step back and let the biological parents iron everything out and do the running around.

Answer 6

Look on the bright side. You get to mold them the way you want them to be. Oprah Winfrey is grateful her step-mom (and father) made her read. Take this cue.