I just wanted to know if someone out there agrees or feels I was in the wrong. Me and my husband were invited to a wedding(my brother's), and we got an invitation. Then, the day before the wedding we found out(not from the bride/groom), that they were having a rehearsal and family dinner, but we were not invited. Well, there were other issues with them before this, and then this happens and we don't go to the wedding. A couple days later, I confronted him and he told me that it was "word of mouth". I told him that everyone else knew about it. Come to find out later that his wife told everyone else about it, but not us, and she told my brother that she told us...LIE!!!! He also said that we should have asked if they needed help, to which I replied that they know what they want, they should be the one's asking...I did for my wedding. Was I wrong for not going, or would you have felt the same?
2006-11-06 05:28:47 · 19 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Weddings
The issues that happened before the wedding, is the not the reason I did not go. I planned on going and being there for him.
2006-11-06 05:29:54 · update #1
She has been married before, and when she was married to him, she tried pushing her ex away from his family...he got smart and saw through her plans. What are the odds that another family can't get along with her for the same reasons? Another note, we were not invited to her baby shower either, that was a few months before the baby shower. Sounds to me like she doesn't want us involved with him.
2006-11-06 05:46:12 · update #2
I meant to say that the baby shower was a few months before the wedding.
2006-11-06 05:47:38 · update #3
firstly, i don't think anyone was "wrong" but you were stubborn.
she will be a *****...no matter what you or your brother do about it. so forget her, it WILL be hard trust me...but you've just got to put on a smile and support your brother. that's what siblings do. you can ***** and moan about your sister-in-law elsewhere. your brother doesn't need to be put between you and her..and im sure by your description of her that she bugs the hell out of your brother w/her opinion about you.
if she is like that...eventually he WILL get sick of it like her ex and leave her.
just try to include your brother and your niece/nephew in your life as much as you can.
and have a serious NON judgemental talk w/your brother about how you feel about how your sister-in-law is making you feel. and ask him to tell you what is going on.
he may feel like he's trapped, and is just waiting for someone to talk to.
perhaps your sister in law is a bit insecure about herself...she's scared to "lose" your brother and by hogging his time and attention she thinks she is protecting her family (being her, your brother and her baby). she of course would invite her family to the shower because in her mind they hold no threat to her.
perhaps you should call her up and ask her to go to lunch w/you. or just "drop by" and ask if she will talk w/you.
tell her how you feel, tell her you want to be a family...maybe she feels resentment because you've already judged her based on her pased relationship.
how is it that you "know" what drove her ex away?
there are three sides to a story...his, hers and the truth.
2006-11-06 06:30:32 · answer #1 · answered by ? 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I think you're overreacting. I just got married this past September and had a rehearsal dinner where only those directly involved in the wedding were invited. If you're a bride's maid then go ahead and be mad, but if not, who cares? Things get confusing for the engaged couple enough than to worry about someone who didn't get an invite to something that's not the main event. You should be supportive that they're getting married and appreciate that you're at least invited to the wedding. Miscommunication happens; give them the benefit that they thought you had been invited.
2006-11-06 05:58:31 · answer #2 · answered by urbaal_99 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Drama, you acted out of drama! You should have went to the wedding. The better thing to do is you should wonder why they don't want you there. It is hard to think about but have you caused drama before or do you do something the new bride doesn't like. Don't just think about what happen to you but think about what you might have done not to get invited. Its there day not yours. If it ends up they are just awful people then screw them you don't need that in your life anyway. Don't make a big deal just stay away from them and if you have something going on in the future don't invite them.
2006-11-06 05:40:20 · answer #3 · answered by girlio33 2 · 2⤊ 0⤋
yea I would have felt the same and have, however that doesn't mean that I was correct. I was left out of a party that I always got invited to before. I heard a couple of things that seemd like lies and took them for face value which i shouldn't have. Everyone got an invitation but me and i took it personally. This started a big mess, they just didn't have enough invitations and knew i knew everyone else that was going anyway and assumed I would get invited.
Weird, where i come from this is incredibly rude but lets face it not everyone is raised by the same morals and values.
Also in your situation, the grooms family pays for the rehersal dinner. traditionally, but perhaps there were budget issues and because you were so close they figured you would understand or that if you didn't come it would be ok...
Maybe he is having trouble talking to the bride about financial issues which doesnt say a lot of the marraige as its off to a very rough start, try not to take it personally. The mess you make will only alienate yourself and hey, the ***** aint worth it..
Try to stay above everything and also try to assume the best of people. If you over react your going to make an *** out of yourself and women are moddy bitches, perhaps she did mean to exclude you but got over it, if you make a big honkin deal its just going to make things rough with brother dear and his new witchy wife..
not worth it.. drop it and be pleasantly polite, above all else composure.
2006-11-06 05:35:39 · answer #4 · answered by blonde_n_brilliant 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
What's done is done, so there is no reason to feel bad, but you missed your bro's wedding. In the future I would suggest going to the wedding even if you are really mad, it makes you the bigger person and I think you will feel better in the long run. Now with respects to the rehersal dinner, Only my bridal party, priest and my parents are invited, so I am not too sure how they had theirs. But if everyone were in deed invited to go you should have called up your brother and said.... I heard your having a rehersal dinner, are we invited??? Then your bro would have said YES your invited, your my sis.. so when you showed up you could have SHUT his wife up. Try not to let your bro's wife get in the middle of you and your brother. Try not to be afriad to talk to him. you should have confronted him on the rehersal when you found out that way everything would be great right now, and you could have went to what I can only hope his only wedding. But what's done is done, talk to your bro and try to get your relationship back.
2006-11-06 05:34:25 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sorry, but that was dumb. Rehearsals are usually only for the wedding party, and there may have been other reasons, such as space, that they couldn't have you at the dinner. I haven't gone to all my siblings' rehearsal parties. That should have in no way stopped you from going to the wedding - that was petty and rude. Plus, you could have been more in the loop - offered to help with the wedding - doing anything. I think you owe your brother a HUGE apology.
2006-11-06 06:24:33 · answer #6 · answered by Lydia 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
You were not wrong and you were wrong.
You were not wrong in the case that you have every right not to go because you were not invited for the family dinner.
But
You would have reconsidered going for the wedding because he is you brother and marriage is once in a life time. He would be upset with ou but he might just keep quite because...........well because of some other reasons.
So its like 50/50. You could apologize and tel him that you didn't think of that before.
Good luck dear,
You have no sin
2006-11-06 05:43:55 · answer #7 · answered by xx 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I feel you were wrong for not going to your Brother's wedding, .. escpecially if it had to do with not getting a formal invite to the rehearsal dinner,... you have to take the high road when it comes to family disputes..
TRy real hard not to take things so personally. How detailed minded were you during your wedding. Your brother can't be held to things he can not change. Start with a clean slate.
2006-11-06 05:37:43 · answer #8 · answered by Vanessa C 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
There *may* be something going on here. If it was me, I suspect I would have gone to the wedding anyway - not for the bride, but for my brother. If you think that she's the one trying to create a rift between him and the other family members - then ignore her, and try to do your part in keeping a good relationship with your brother. You don't have to like HER to keep in touch with him.
2006-11-06 07:23:52 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Yes I do think you were wrong for not going to your brothers wedding. That was just childish. So you didnt get to go the the rehersel dinner big deal at least you would have been there for the most important event of his life. Your loss.
2006-11-06 05:39:18 · answer #10 · answered by surfer grl 5 · 2⤊ 0⤋