My guy and I have been together for 7 months now and I really love his kids. His ex-wife is also really great about letting us take them whenever we want and allowing me to come along on family oriented things like dr. appts., the family counseling, christmas shopping, ect.. My problem is that I have asked my step-son several times to call me Phe, but he calls me mommy anyways. This wouldn't bother me except that on outings with his mother I can see that it bothers her. He also has his sister calling me mommy now. I've asked their father to talk to him about it, but he says it's just a phase and he thinks it's cute. I don't know what to do! I don't want to see his mother be hurt by this and I surely don't want her to think I'm trying to replace her in his life. What can I do to fix this problem?
2006-11-06 05:06:04 · 20 answers · asked by Pheonix 1 in Pregnancy & Parenting ➔ Parenting
Thanks to everyone! I called Shell, the bio mom, and we talked about it. She said it was just taking some getting used to to hear her kids call somebody else mom. She said she didn't want to say anthing because she knows I don't have any kids of my own and she doesn't mind them calling me mom if it doesn't bother me. I think I'm going to try to get them to call my mommy Phe though. I just don't want them to forget how important their mother is in all of our lives. If it wasn't for her I wouldn't have such wonderful step-kids! And to the person who asked about ages, Kale is 6 and Wren is 3.
2006-11-06 09:05:38 · update #1
If you have a good relationship with the children's mother why not talk to her about it? Be honest. Let her know that you really would like the kids to call you Phe because as much as you love her kids you want them to know that they only have one mommy.
2006-11-06 05:09:55 · answer #1 · answered by nquizzitiv 5 · 4⤊ 1⤋
I'm not sure how old the kids are so it's hard to say. It's possible that he's too young to understand that you're not his mommy because in his mind, you're with Dad so you must be Mom too! It's also possible that he's mad at his mom, possibly blaming her for leaving his dad and knows that by calling you mommy he's upsetting his mom. Kids are really smart like that!
Just keep correcting him, asking him to call you Phe. Also, keep the communication open between you and their mother. Maybe ask her if she has any suggestions for you. I'm sure she'll appreciate the fact that you're considering her feelings in the matter as well.
Good luck!
2006-11-06 07:28:51 · answer #2 · answered by cgspitfire 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think if your step-son wants to call you mommy then I would let him. You have to look at things from his point of view, you are his mommy too. You love him, you protect him, you teach him. He just has a bigger family. And since you can get along with his bio mom then you might want to let her know that you guys shouldn't make him feel bad for doing what is natural to him. If it would make her feel better then teach him to call you mommy phe and the same with his mom that way when you are on an outing you can tell who he is talking to. It works great with my stepson. And he will learn the difference in time.
2006-11-06 05:51:55 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋
I can understand why this would bother you. Being a step parent also, my step daughter sometimes calls me mom, but most the time it is my name. They call you that because they feel comfortable with you. If it bothers you, try having them call you... Mama Phe. Or something close.. that way you wont upset the Birth mom. If you dont have kids of your own, and need help with this parenting stuff, join the yahoo group... childlessstepmoms. It is really a great group. ALOT of support. Hope to see you there!
2006-11-06 05:10:31 · answer #4 · answered by WestWife 3 · 2⤊ 0⤋
I am not a step parent, but I am a child of one. I started calling my step dad "dad" as soon as we hit the back of the church! He is my dad, and I love him dearly for being there for my mom, my sister and I.
My "real" dad doesn't like that we call him that, but now he has gotten over it, because he knows who is the better parent. Not saying that in your situation the ex wife is a bad mom, but it's an honor and a testiment to how you love and treat those children that they would feel comfortable enough to call you mom.
Be proud of yourself! You are a great mom!!
However, I do think it wouldn't hurt to talk to her about it, and tell her that you know it makes her uncomfortable. Tell her that you have asked them to call you Phe, but they are choosing not too. Maybe that will show her that you aren't trying to replace her. Good Luck!
2006-11-06 05:36:42 · answer #5 · answered by Zeida98 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Well, as the parent to 6 (yes, SIX) stepkids, I can tell you that this may or may not pass. One of my kids (I NEVER refer to them as 'step' except in a case such as this..) is 23 years old and still calls me mom. Thankfully, his mother and I are best of friends, and have been since the very first time we met (when he was 2). She lovingly refers to me as 'Ryan's other mother' and actually calls me her 'ex-wife'..(Now, this happened quite by accident several years ago, when I accompanied her for a heart catheterization, and under general anestesia the nurse came in and asks "And what family member did you bring with you today?" to which she groggily replied "She's my ex wife"...it stuck!) We lost Ryan's father when he was 14 years old and we have always shared in our son's joys and heartaches. When he found out he was going to be a dad, I was driving a truck in Wyoming (he lives in NC) and I got a call that he had news for his moms, and wanted to tell us at the same time! We've vacationed together (even when his dad was alive...she was, at the time, married), and still spend holidays together whenever we can. I think it's great, as long as the biological mom isn't uncomfortable. It seems you two have an amicable relationship, I'd just talk to her about it!
Good Luck and God Bless!
2006-11-06 05:16:12 · answer #6 · answered by ladyw900ldriver 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
It sounds like you have a good relationship with the ex-wife. I would first explain it to her that the kids are calling you Mommy, that it was not your idea at all and see if she can help come up with a solution and perhaps she can talk to her kids about this also. At least you will feel a peace of mind knowing that you discussed this with the kids Biological Mommy.
(Im a stepmom also) Good Luck!
2006-11-06 05:10:59 · answer #7 · answered by Elle 1 · 2⤊ 0⤋
It is so nice to hear your concern for the children's Mother! I did not like hearing my children call someone else Mommy either! You should just have them add your name to the end! Mommy Phe, that should take care of it. Sounds like you are a real winner and they are lucky to have you in their life! Best of luck!!
2006-11-06 05:10:51 · answer #8 · answered by wish I were 6 · 2⤊ 0⤋
I am a mother of a six year old who has a husband who has been raising my six year old with me since she was two. she calls him daddyed because his name is ed and that is what she chose to call him. Her biological father wasnt around for a good portion of her llifebut when he did finally come around and he heard her call this other man daddy ed he threw a fit. He told her to stop calling him that, yelled at me for it and i told him no. She is just a child and how she sees these adult figures in her life is how she is going to call them. there is nothing wrong with it at all. since then her biologal father has gotten married too and now my daughter sometimes calls her step mom mommy. It does feel weird sometimes but ill tell ya. I know that my daughter loves me and that I am her mommy. I know nobody could ever take that away from me. But if something were to happen to me it is good to know that there is someone out there that she can also see as a mother figure and to look up to to teach her womanly things that I wouldnt be around to teach. I think that it should be fine for these children to also call you mommy as well as her even if you arent the real mom. She shouuld be an adult enough to not let it bug her. of course they still love her but they also love you too and sometimes for children its fun to have more than one mommy or daddy. MY daughter had a ball at parent teacher night when all for of us showed up and she had to explain to the other children that she had to moms and two dads. she loved it and we all did of course too.
2006-11-06 05:18:44 · answer #9 · answered by mamamia 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
First off let me say how great I think you are. Most women don't even care what their guys ex's think or feel. That this concerns you shows what a caring and mature person that you are. Now as to the dilemma, why don't you try talking to the kids Mom about this, you obviously have a pretty good relationship with her and I'm sure she would appreciate your honesty and caring. And after all its her that you are concerned about.
2006-11-06 05:20:34 · answer #10 · answered by LofanNui 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋