I have a moral dilema - should I tell people about my double life?

Question

Well, "double life" is being a bit melodramatic: I'm not batman!

I'm wholeheartedly sick of people telling me what a great parent I'd be. I hate children and never want them and am married to somebody who makes these sentiments appear to have been uttered by Mary Poppins.

My stock reply is that I would be a terrible father. They do not see this becuse at work, by day, I am intelligent, articulate, calm, mature... the ideal employee, really.

However... when my wife goes away on business, by night I revert to my adolescence. I dress in black , mask, gloves etc. and go and make all kinds of mischief. I set fires, run naked along streets blowing a whistle, write obscenities into playing fields with weed killer, etc.

When I was a kid, I used to encourage my yonger sibblings to follow my lead - which they did. I know I would be the same with a kid if I had one.

Should I tell people to get them off my back about parenthood, thus ruining my good reputation?

Annie: I know it's hard to believe, but I actually do have a good reputation at work. Like I said, it's like a different person to the one who comes out at night. A bit like being multiple personality, except I'm fully aware of it and totally control where and when it happens.

I did get away with it as an adolescent (a long time ago) and I'm getting away with it now. That's half the fun. Sorry to disappoint you on that, but it is true. If I ever get caught I'll be totally gutted because I know how stupid it will look. Quite an incentive to keep one step ahead, though!

Olivia: I think she has her suspicions, and she certainly knows about the past (revenge of the sibblings). However, if I do get caught and she leaves me, does this mean I can call you?

Groid: No drugs wanted or needed. The friends I had at 15 who did drugs are now either dead, or in prison. I am neither and am able to continue doing mY thing. Better than drugs - and apparantly less likely to bring me to harm/ prison.

Just a Metaphor: You really did not get the question did you? And if I hear that "you'll change your mind when it's your own" crap again, I swear, it'll be YOUR garden I'm running through with my smoke bombs and air pistol tonight!

OKAY, ENOUGH WITH THE PERSONAL REPLIES - JUST READ THE DAMNED QUESTION. THE BIT ABOUT MY SENTIMENTS ABOUT CHILDREN SOUNDING LIKE MARY POPPINS COMPARED TO MY WIFE'S FEELINGS ON THE SUBJECT. SHE ACTUALLY CLAIMS TO WANT TO KILL AND EAT BABIES. SHE MAKES ME LOOK LIKE A NURSERY NURSE WITH HER HATRED OF CHILDREN, AND I'D HAPPILY SLAP ONE ABOUT A BIT FOR FUN. THIS IS NOT ABOUT ME NOT WANTING KIDS, BUT MARRIED TO SOMEBODY WHO DOES. WHAT KIND OF MORON WOULD DO THAT? SURELY YOU'D NOTICE THIS SLIGHT PROBLEM BEFORE YOU GOT MARRIED? OKAY, I AM SLIGHTLY UNHINGED, BUT I AM NOT MORBIDLY STUPID. THE QUESTION IS, SHOULD I CONFESS WHAT AN IMMATURE LOONY I CAN BE AT WORK TO STOP PEOPLE BANGING ON ABOUT HOW GREAT A DAD I'D BE, WHICH IS DRIVING ME NUTS.

Answer 1

no no don't confess jus egg the houses of every person who says it then light fires in their gardens then tag their front doors then do the flaming poo thing on the door step then when they go " fu**ing kids have done blah blah and blah" jus go "yes frikin kids should all be strung up or shot" they will soon guess you really don't want any!! also the dressing up in black bit sounds kind sexy is that wrong? coz at the same time you sound like my brother who is getting wed next year they do not want kids and he jus tells everyone they are to selfish then people leave them alone,
and no its not different when its ya own trust me i got two and they are jus as annoying as ever one elses kids with the draw back that the fu ckers dont go home!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Answer 2

Fist of all this is nothing but the trick of the enemy. I'm just going to be real with you. Honey the grass is not always green on the other side. You should know that. What was the reason why you two divorced the fist time? One mistake that your making and I find disrespectful is that your married now and your still talking to your ex, and putting her on speaker phone. Your wife must have low self esteem. I would terribly be jealous, upset, hurt or something. Talking to her every day is not cool. Honey if your in church you should recognize these signs when the devil is trying to creep in to destroy your marriage.The only reason you still love her is because she is saying all the right things to you to flatter you .Look how she left you the first time. Don't be like her. She only wants you now because you found someone to make you happy and who loves you. Love what you have. Get a piece of paper and right down your pros's and con's for both. And if your good out weighs your bad (concerning your wife and your ex) .Then chose that one. Why lose the one you really love . The one who carried your child for nine months. Pray and Ask God For Guidance. I dont like divorces, so Im not going to tell you to leave your wife. I know God can fix this situation. And stop talking to you ex. Tell her to stop calling your married now.

Answer 3

i think that if u are open and honest about who u are people will respect it and consequently respect you. Definitely tell ur wife how u feel otherwise the longer u leave it the harder it will become to get away from these ideas - remember ur colleagues at work dont have to know about ur private life! I agree that once uu have ur own children im sure it will be different (im not a parent myself, but have seen others change once theyve had kids!). Just remember that changing anything that is close to u is always scaring - u just gotta take a deep breath and GO! But remember the decision is urs in the end! Good luck!!!! : - )

Answer 4

My husband and I don't have kids, but for very different reasons than yours, but I don't want to get "personal". When people confront me about it, I simply say we just don't. And when people say about how good of a parent you would be, ask them how well one person could know another just from working together. I think that we are all a little different from the person we are at work, maybe not as drastic as you, but still different. You owe no one an explanation of you beliefs and choices. Simply put an end to it. Tell them you are not interested in having this conversation with them or anyone else now or ever.

Answer 5

Why exactly do you owe anyone an explanation, other than your wife? There are too many people out there that already have procreated unneccesarily. You are wise to know your own shortcomings. More people should follow your lead, rather than giving in or whatever to what other people think. Let them worry about themselves and their own offspring.
Now if your wife wants kids, you should have discussed that BEFORE getting married. That is definately something that a couple MUST agree on.

Answer 6

First, I think the setting fires and other mischief indicates horrid immaturity. I would have that addressed first, before having to appear before a magistrate.
Secondly, if you are not in any way interested in becoming a parent, that does indicate maturity, you know you are not ready to say the least.
And thirdly, it is no one's business if you have children or not. And, certainly no reason to say why. It is between your spouse and yourself, the children thing, others can bugger off. The other part, I am concerned for you.

Answer 7

You may as well come clean and tell them what an irresponsible person you really are, before they find out for themselves. They probably assume that by now you have grown up. How old are you anyway? I'm sure they will probably understand, and just carry on hoping that one day you will want children. If you enjoy fun, and clowning around, that's ok, but you've a lot to learn.

Answer 8

What you do out of work is no ones business. Everyone acts differently while at their job. It's a job and you act accordingly. No one needs to know other wise.

If you do not want children that is your right and people need to lay off. You should not have to explain yourself especially if your relationship with your co-workers is strictly work related.

So no, you should not tell them about your behaviour out of work to get them off your back. They should be able to take no for an answer.

Answer 9

Whoa. My kind of guy. I don't like kids much, either...and I've taught a few of them about civil disobedience in my day, too.

I wouldn't mention your 'personal' life to the co-workers or boss, just use the old Ann Landers thing "I can't imagine why you'd ask that!" or 'say that' or whatever...and if necessary, i.e., the won't back off at all, say, politely, "I believe that's really MY business."

have fun fella, it sounds like you're into it!

Answer 10

I would normally never suggest anyone should lie, but in your case it might be an idea.If you want to get people off your back, forget about telling them you don't want kids, say smoething like "not all of us are actually able to have children, and comments like yours can be really hurtful, please deop the subject" Or blatentley tell them one of you is infertile. Revealing your secret life is probably not a good idea.