Am I expecting too much too soon on my husband's depression healing?

Question

Husband has had depression issues that have gone back about 8 or 10 years. This year he has hit rock bottom. Our business isn't doing well and rather than help me fix it he has been frozen unable to help. He's tried several antidepressants and is currently on 200mg Zoloft and today started seeing sparks of white out of the corner of his eyes. He is in counseling and has been for about 6 months. I'm not seeing much improvement. We're Christians and he's seeing a Christian counselor. I am at the end of my rope. Maybe he needs to go to the hospital or something. Any suggestions?

Answer 1

There was a recent article documenting depression treatment percentages and how many drugs needed to be tried before finding an effective treatment. It was in Yahoo news and is easily locatable.

It sounds like your husband may have a genetic predisposition to depression since he has had it for so long. Now he has a situational issue which is exacerbating the depression. It would be common for a depressed person to lose steam and to give up rather than to pitch in and find a solution to the problem. Obviously, finding a solution would relieve the depression to some extent and not finding a solution would exacerbate the depression, but the depressed person is helpless to relieve his depression. His behavior is maladaptive.

His depression appears to be a difficult case. It is important to find either outpatient or inpatient help that deals primarily with such cases. There is a facility in New Jersey that specializes in difficult to treat depression, but I don't know the name of the facility.

One idea would be to look at the roster of psychiatrists or psychologists in your state university and see who teaches the depression courses and either go to that person or seek a list of referrals from that person.

Simply seeing a counselor or a religious counselor is not sufficient for treating difficult depression cases. It is like going to a GP for heart disease. If you would go to a top heart doctor for heart disease, then you need to seek out the top depression practitioner. The Christian counselor should have referred you to someone else as that is what a true Christian would do.

Answer 2

The road out of any depression is long an hard for both the person experiencing the depression, and all those around them. My suggestion would be to find as much out about what he is dealing with, maybe talk to a psychiatrist or counselor yourself to see if they can give you the knowledge and understanding you need, and give you some tools as well. Try to have patience whenever possible. And any time you notice something is not right, seek out help as soon as possible. Also, the medication always takes time to work, and real beneficial changes may take a while to show up... And I hope your husband doesn't like Grape Fruit. For me the fact that I can't eat it is the worst thing about Zoloft.

Answer 3

My dad is a business owner and was also my boss for years. He got severe depression a couple of years ago and did end up in the hospital for few days . We are also Christian and he did read the bible a lot and see a counselor that you can get referred to through you church for this. I thought we would lose him to this or I would never see him smile again. The medicines need time to work and the side effects have to be weighed against the way they work. In all it took about a year and a half for him to get back to just about the place he was before the depression. Dont' give up. It is more common than you think too you are not alone. We'll pray for your family.

Answer 4

Dealing with a relative who has depression can be extremely frustrating. And what doesn't help either is that they LOOK ok, they don't have stitches or crutches etc. You need so much patience and more sometimes than you have got left. I really do empathize.

The treatment your husband is having at the moment seems to be what one would expect. If he feels suicidal then hospital would be a must.

I really feel you need time out. Is there someone else who could care for your husband, to allow you some free time to yourself on a regular basis? Maybe you could organize a rota? I think it's imperiative that you get away for a bit. If this is not possible you need to be putting a little bit of fun in your life. Even if it is just organizing to go out and meet friends and have a coffee.

You need to be doing this on a regular basis so that YOU don't go under. Be generous to yourself. It is not being selfish, it is absolutely necessary.

I understand how hard it is to see your husband not able to help you with the business, can anyone else put a few hours in. Never be too proud to ask for help. You NEED it at this time.

Remind yourself also that your husband is UNABLE to help at this time. Depression is one of the most tormenting conditions to go through. It really does paralyse you at times.

You'll need to be patient with him because I bet he is already feeling guiilty for not being able to do his share. That guilt can make his condition worse.

Start from today to pencil in your diary something for you each day, a relaxing treat or whatever you enjoy.

These are stressful times for both of you, I do hope it soon passes.

Best wishes.

Answer 5

Go to a good psychiatrist, not a counselor. I would even suggest a mental hospital, even an outpatient program.

There is no shame in asking for help. The shame is knowing you need it and not making an effort to get it. Tell him, he needs to help himself, he has to want to help himself. Sometimes we all need a little help now and again. I fought "depression" for years only to find out I was mis-diagnosed and over medicated. Get a real diagnosis. It can really change your life. The truth is everyone gets stressed, everyone takes on too much now and again.

Constantly changing meds won't help either. It doesn't make him less of a man or husband to admit he needs some help.

When I was finally properly diagnosed, it changed my life. My 360 page has a brief story on what I went through in one of my blogs (on being normal), it may help.

I have been there, there is a light at the end of the tunnel, but you have to want to see it.

Good luck,
Tanya

Answer 6

I am a 40 year old male, diagnosed with congestive heart failure, neurocardigenic syncope, my mother died in December, my immune system is bottomed out and I have had hives, cebatious cyst, viral eye infections, and I have been forced to sell every asset I own to pay 10's of thousands of dollars in medical bills. I currently take 100mg of Zoloft a day. It took 9 weeks after I started taking it to notice any improvement according to my wife, and I still am not the man I used to be, and may never be according to the doctors. You say you are christians, and that is a great thing, so I would spend much time in prayer.

Answer 7

Depression is a biophysical disease, and it sounds like your husband may need to try some different medications. There are many different categories of depressions medications and it appears that Zoloft is not working for him. It does take time to assess the medications effectiveness, but he is obviously not having any success with Zoloft.

You have to be his best advocate, because right now he is not able to do it for himself. He is in a big black hole, and to him it looks like there is no way out.

I know how hard this is for you. This is undoubtedly the for worse part of the marriage vows you took. You need some separate counseling to keep you able to help him. Finding a good support system is also critical. I joined the handbell choir at my church when going through the valley of the shadow with my husband, and it made all the difference for me. It gave me one hour a week to concentrate on some great music, and a great support system of wonderful Christian women to pray with for my husband.

Answer 8

I am 27 and have been struggling with depression for 13 years or more. My last resort was zoloft. Zoloft made me feel very homocidal. I'd be laying next to my husband and be having invasive thoughts of stabbing him ect. I've tried over 6 different anti-depressants. None have worked. I'd love to be able to go into a hospital to get it all sorted out. I wouldn't need to worry for myself or others. I have 2 kids though and I don't know how my husband would manage without me. I have not been on any medication for 2 years and I feel better than when I was on them. Get him into a hospital. He'll thank you for it later.

Answer 9

Any anti-depressants needs at least 4 to 6 or 8 weeks to work.

Check webmd.com look up the meds.

But the best is to have open communication with his doctor, and also go into therapy yourself. This is called sanity. And Yes it
is necessary. There is light at the end of the tunnel.

I wish you all well.

Answer 10

i don't know that there is anything YOU can do other than be loving and supportive...if he's had this illness for 8-10 yrs he's not likely to be cured overnight...it's probably going to be a long road with many ups and downs...maybe you can find a support group for family members with mental illness or see a therapist yourself if you are "at the end of your rope" feeling overwhelmed...good luck to you both