Three yr. old rebelling!?

Question

I have a daughter who is 3 (4 early next year) and has recently started showing some disturbing behavior. She does the same things every day that she knows she shouldn't be doing. When in trouble, refuses to go to time out or listen. She will do what she wants to do. She knows it gets me very angry. I have tried taking things away, spanking, ignoring her tantrums, you name it. Nothing works or affects her. I have been trying the positive reinforcement, but lately she won't even do anything to earn things! I am at my wits end! Help!

When I mentioned the positive reinforcement, what we do is put stickers on a chart for her when she does something good. (We don't make it difficult to earn them) When she earns 3 stickers in a day, she gets a special treat, which is different each time. For example, reading an extra book, special time with mommy, etc. She really likes being acknowledged for things she did or behaving well.

Also, there has been a lot going on lately that she is unaware of, but I'm sure she's noticed it's been getting the most of mommy and daddy, which can be the root of this problem, or could be a strive for independence. She is a strong-willed child.

Answer 1

II think that you answered your own question (She knows that she can push your buttons and get you angry.). At this age kids will really try to test boundaries and they know what will set you off and they will do that.....mainly for the "entertainment" (Could she be bored?) factor and to get your attention (even if it is negative attention).
I have a boy (who will be 4 in January) is kind-of doing the same thing. He also has a been "regressing" a bit in his behavior (He has decided he will act like his two year old brother!).
Right now, I am to the point where unless there is an out-in-out defiance or he is doing something that could harm himself or others, I just "ignore" the behaviors. I do not give him the attention that he wants for his negative behavior choices. At this stage, it is a choice.
On top of ignoring it, he knows that certain privileges that he REALLY enjoys will not be restored unless he can show that he can follow the rules. We use a privilege ladder. Our kids can move up and down the ladder depending on behavior and other factors. The further down you go, the less you are able to do.
This is a quick and easy way for the kids to see where they are (and they try to compete with each other to see who is the highest) and what privileges each has.
You also might want to read Love & Logic. My husband highly recommends it. As a high school teacher, he has found the techniques highly effective and we have started to use the techniques here in our house. It is starting to work.....I have even started to notice a change in our "Terrible Two-year-old"!

Also, if you are feeling stress or anxiety, your daughter is picking up on it. Kids are highly intuitive. They know when things are not "quite right" and will react accordingly. Try talking to your daughter (in terms that she can understand) about how you are feeling. Reassure her that things are "fine" and that she is loved and safe. Hopefully soon her behavior will soon improve.

Answer 2

Has anything changed as of recent? If something has changed in your lives she may be acting out because of that. I went through the same thing with my son and we picked a spot in the house where there was nothing to see or look at. We gave him 2 warnings when he was doing something he shouldnt be. If he didnt listen we picked him up and took him to the place in the hall got down to his level and told him what behavior got him put there. We then set the timer for 3 minutes since he was 3. If he got up we would pick him back up saying nothing to him and sat him back down. The 3 minutes starts when he actually stayed in timeout. Sometimes it takes an hour but he eventually got the point and we have a totally diffrent little boy now. It is just going to take time and effort. Make sure you are always consistant and maybe sit down with her and tell her all the things that will get her put into timeout. I would also take the time to sit down with her and make a positive chart or someother reinforcement like a flower pot with paper flowers and when she gets a set amout of positive behavior reward her with something she enjoys. Its even better if its time alone with mommy or daddy doing fun things like ice skating or going to the park or a movie. Just make sure to stay consistant all the time. Hope something I have said helps and Good Luck :)

Answer 3

I have a boy about the same age and we are having the same challenges with him. His brother also showed similar behaviors at the same age. The terrible twos were a picnic by comparison.

The only thing that has worked with either of them is an adaptation of the Love and Logic parenting techniques. For example, you ask her to pick up her toys and she refuses. No yelling. Just wait. When she comes and asks you for a snack or a story a few minutes later, then just tell her, that you can't do what she wants until the toys are gone. This is especially effective when she's hungry. Staying calm and not giving in are the hardest parts of this routine, but it does eliminate the yelling and frustration on the parent's part. It also ties the consequences of their behavior to the behavior you want to encourage.

This is a tough age, but it passes. Around about 4, the challenges change.

Answer 4

what do you mean refuses? how is it that a 3 year old child has the physical capability to do whatever she wants to do against your wishes? first of all, you need to calm your anger in these situations (which i'm quite certain is not helping). the reward thing...how about you take away everything that isn't a necessity. then, you give it back as she demonstrates the ability to behave properly. her behavior has to be working for her in some way. it must be getting her something she wants, whether it's a reaction from you or toys or whatever. she will try to earn things if she has nothing.

Answer 5

Its could be a point. yet first you need to show greater discipline and persist with by using. yet particularly of it being detrimental discipline perhaps make a deal while ever he's sturdy for an afternoon he gets a celeb and while he has a undeniable quantity of stars he gets a toy. this might make him artwork for a toy yet in a sturdy habit style of way.

Answer 6

I'm having the same problem with our 3 almost 4 year old granddaughter that we are raising. I'm glad to know it's normal for that age, we thought it was because of the situation with her parents. I will be interested in reading the suggestions too.

Answer 7

you should try to show your daughter that you're serious one way to do this to maintain eye contact when you are telling her off another way is to pretend to not care when she has these tantrums, it will be hard but you shouldn't give in she will eventually quiet down and listen to you.