Should I ask my fiance what he ment?

Question

I am engaged to the most loving,kind, handsome & affectionate guy. He helps my mother & I alot in many ways. Although he is in his late 30's he lives with his parents. No he is not a bum. He has a good job & helps his parents alot too. But sometimes I think he over does it. My fiance does not want anyone planning our wedding exept for the two of us. But he has no problem asking his parents ideas on planning our wedding but does not like my mothers involvment. Yesterday when my mom offered him some of her kitchenware for us he said he has his own. And he said the things he needs he will get them from his parents & buy them new ones. That does not make any sense to me on why he should buy them new stuff and we use their old stuff. Should I ask him what he ment or forget about it? He bought them a brand new car right before he proposed to me but they already had a car. Is he trying to buy their love? He has joint back account with them too. Is he saying sorry to them for marrying me?

Answer 1

As you probably already know, the best thing for you to do is simply talk to him. Ask him what he has been thinking and why. Just make sure you don't do it in an accusing way. Everyone has a reason for doing what they do and if his is as loving as you say he is he should feel comfortable in sharing his reasons with you.

The big thing is don't accuse him of something when you bring it up. For some reason a lot of women do this without realizing and then they wonder while their men get defensive. The worst thing for you to do is open the conversation up with "why do have something against my mom?" OR "why are you overly close to your parents" Or "Are you trying to bribe your parents because you are marrying me" Those would fit into the category of accusing.

Answer 2

He just seems really close to his parents..too much for him to notice, you should tell him that you feel it is unfair and explain what you mean, if he is what you said he is then he shouldn't have much problem, just don't start a argument.. say you want both of your families involved and not just his..and that it is a marriage for you both, not just a show for his family.. The male's family usually is meant to pay for the wedding and help out most, ask him if he or his family are traditional.. if they are there isn't much you can do. Idea's should be able to come from both sides of the family. Although in this modern world..family and friends from both male and female getting married help with ideas..plans, and payments.

Answer 3

You better step outside of this box and take a harder look. What I see in your description is someone who has issues with control, and someone who's cart is still being driven by his parents. If you think wedding planning "oddities" are all you're going to see, think again. It might benefit you to do some premarital counseling and find out what's really going on. Loving, kind, handsome, affectionate....they come in all sizes and packages sweetie, doesn't mean there aren't problems beneath the layers that you may regret getting twisted with sooner than later. Good luck.

Answer 4

Okay, I am going to give you a little bit of my history. I had married a 27 year old man who also lived with his mother and was making 50 thousand a year salary. First, we lived with his mother for nearly a year. NOT COOL. It was always, Robbie, please get me this and that. He will get it and I was placed last. Afterwards, my now ex-husband, myself and our two sons moved to another borough. Great move, (so I thought). Get this, after the move, maybe about two or three weeks settling into the new place, he would call me and say, "I am over at my mother house, and I will be home possibly tomorrow". You may ask, did he come home the next day? Please. He will call me the very next day after work stating he will stay at his mother house for at least a week. He will come home for maybe two or three days at a time, then back over to his mothers. Finally, I didn't tolerate it any longer and told him to stay with his mother and I filed for divorce. We have been divorced for 6 years and the mommas boy is still living over at his mothers house.

As for your case, don't marry him right away. Give it some more time to see if he will continue to favor his parents over your concerns. Plan a weekend trip for just the two of you and if he calls his parents or vice versa through out the entire weekend, that will be your answer that he will continue to favor his parents. The best of luck.

Answer 5

I am confused. What is his background and religion. Sometimes peoples backgrounds with their culture say that they have to provide for their parents. But is sounds like to me he is not very excepting of your parents.

Your parents are just trying to help and would like sort of involvement in helping with their daughters wedding. Being denied to help someone can really hurt especially when it is really coming from the heart. Your fiance needs a straighten out right now

Talk to him now honey because when you are married it will be too late and you might be trapped into something you did not think you have signed up for.

Answer 6

Please dont make the mistake of jumping to conclusion! Above all you should AWAYS be able to have an open conversation with the person you intend to spend the rest of your life with...I think it is the number one mistake most couples make. They are afraid of hurting the others feelings and then they get hurt and hold it in until a fight comes around and it explodes into a huge issue when it could have been cleared up a long time ago. Talk it out now. If he gets mad maybe you should re-think the relationship.

Answer 7

Men Who Live with their Parents Past 30 Years Old exhibit idiosyncrasies that ARE weird to those around them!
And find Sharing things with other people Hard and sometimes intimidating.
He's maybe trying to Buy Your parents affection,and has Underlying 'Mother' Issues!!

Answer 8

I think that you need to sit him down and have a very serious chat with him, becauase it doesn't seem fair that she seems to want to shut your mum out of your wedding if anything its usually the other way around. What I mean is its usually the bride and her mum that do most of the planning and then the grooms parents will just help out when need be. However if he is saying that he just wants the two of you to plan your wedding then that is fine, but then she shouldn't be asking his parents for wedding ideas.

Do you get on with his family are they always nice to you or do you get the feeling that they don't like you. He is obviosly close with his parents which is nice, but he needs to appreciate that you are close to your mother and its just natural for her to want to help you out, after all you are her daughter.

I think that you need to have a word with him now, because a few years down the road, not that he would but you don't want him to come out with something like I don't want you go and see your mum, or worse if you have children I would rather she did buy anything for my children or my parents will buy them the things they need. I'm NOT saying that he would but I think that you need to chat to him about it now. Tell him that you are concerned and worried about the fact that he doesn't want your mum to help you out with things. Obviously there is an underlying problem, which you need to address now

Answer 9

Sounds like hes still way to attached to his parents. He needs to cut the apron strings. I would really give this some thought. As this over attachment to his parents. Will for sure be a big cause of problems in your marriage

Answer 10

It seems like you have no control over what he does and it will only get worse if you marry him. I think the two of you should talk and yes tell hm how you feel about everything! Marriage is hard enough for two people and if you add more people to it you won't make it. Talk to him and tell him .