What would you do with this child?

Question

I have a Nasty, mean and cruel 12 yr old. She is my husbands daughter and my stepdaughter although I have had her since she was 8 weeks old and she has never seen her mother because she is in prison. She was the sweetest baby and young child but as she has gotten older she has gotten horrible. She has been diagnoised with a reactive attachment disorder and sees a theripist but i am at my wits end. She is deviant and abusive to her younger sisters. She wants to dress like a stripper and can't keep friends. I just don't know what to do. I have been married to her father for 11 yrs and I love him dearly but a part of me wants to just take the girls and leave so that they can live in peace. Anyone have a child like this and what did you do??

Just so you know.. I do love her always have always will I am just so tierd of fighting w/ her. She has been acting this way since she was about 7. In all honesty I hate to see her always in trouble it breaks my heart. I just feel like I have run out of ideas.

I refer to her only as my husbands daughter in this text because I want everyone to understand why she has a reactive attachment disorder. She calls me mom and she is my daughter. Very few people know the situation. As a matter of fact of all 4 of my children (all girls) she is the only one who looks like me. She knows I love her that has NEVER been an issue.

Answer 1

I know you said she sees a therapist, perhaps you and the rest of the family should too. I think YOU need someone familiar with the disorder who can help you cope.

Find a support group near you and connect with others who face your struggles.

Here's a link to a group that deals with this:
http://radkid.org/

Best wishes.

Answer 2

OMG Reactive Attachment Disorder (RAD) is a VERY serious disorder. Please get help for her and fast. Take her to a specialist who deals solely with (RAD) As I know you know by now this disorder is no joke. This child can't be cured by a simple spanking or punishment. The issue with RAD is that the child is completely unemotional about everything, they don't feel bad about hurting someone, they can manipulate people like a pro. Parents begin to fear for the safety of the family, everyone is at risk (mom, dad, brother, sister, cat, dog....)

From What I know of RAD (and i am no expert) is that it it's usually not something people are born with, but is a result of some serious on going sexual abuse like rape. Or serious physical abuse or neglect. Is she a victim of this?
There was a movie about this disorder which is a true story, check out the link

http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0103955/

Not really a fun movie to watch, but it's quite educational. Bottom line is that, don't take advise about this disorder via yahoo Q&A, but go see a expert in this disorder. Maybe this child is better off in a institution with the right people around her. In the end if you fear for your other children, you have a responsibility to protect all members of your family, if that means moving out then it has to be considered.

Good Luck to you

Answer 3

I thought it was a little strange that she developed RAD - since you've been her maternal parent figure since she was a tiny baby... but I won't make any judgments regarding that. The behaviors you mentioned are textbook RAD behaviors. I would put your foot down with her and your husband that her behavior will not be tolerated. Be the "evil stepmom" if you have to. But taking your girls and leaving will just let her win. Don't let that happen! If you can, talk to her therapist about ways to cope with her behavior. I hope she gets better, and that you will be able to put up with her destructiveness until then!

Answer 4

Well that would be difficult but when she acts outs find alternative ways to react then previously maybe she does some of the bad behavior because she feels that when you guys react shes getting attention and she may not care what type of attention it is. i could be totally of base but I have family members that are the same way and I have noticed that when she does something horrible her parents react but when she is good they don't pay much attention to her so try maybe showering her with praise when she does do wonderful things and she might realize that she will get more attention from doing good than bad.

Answer 5

their is a problem, how can you have a child since she was 8month old and you still refer her as your stepdaughter
this child feel those negative from you
look inside of you and if you know that you love this child treat her like your own do your best and pray to God for help
don't give up on her
you need to sit as a family and discuss the situation between the 3 of you
show her love when she does bad don't push her away
be patient you will see tomorrow you will reward by God
I am telling you this from experience
listen to people who have childen that they wish they had aborted
now those children are the ones that visit them in the nursing
step parent that were abusive now are been help by the child that they have abuse
and last my husband who always felt that his parents did not love him because of the way the treat them and out of five children he is the only one that spent time with them take them to vacation
& make them proud
they even told me so (how they have regret that they way they have treat him )
Please take these as an example and try to help your daughter
I know it will be hard but keep on praying
Good luck

Answer 6

First off you need to put your foot down and let her know whose boss whipping your childs *** when needed is not abuse. Take all of her clothes when she's at school and you lay out her clothes till she can start dressing more her age and if she says she won't wear what you give her tell her she'll go to school in her pj's you don't care trust me that works and putting her any theraphy is not helping her its making it worse and she can play off that saying she has a problem when really all it is, is her rebellious stage.And older sisters always pick on the younger ones i remeber when my sister use to beat me tie me up and stuff me in a closet till my mom got but when my mom got home lets just say she never did it again!! Sisters are sisters i've got three trust me they'll fight back and it helps them learn how to stick up for themselves and they grow up and luagh on it.Well thats my advice i hope it helps cause i know it would for me tough love is the best love and makes a better person!

Answer 7

Tell your husband how you feel. If he doesn't want to recognize the problem, leave, even if its temporary. He'll get the idea and maybe see what is going on. Ask for help from others that see it as well. Your step-daughter is on the wrong path and will get into trouble with drugs and alcohol, if she isn't there already.

Answer 8

I was a troubled teen myself 15+ years ago. My mother had no idea what to do. One day someone told her about a program called "Tough Love". She went to a few meetings and then all of a sudden she was not falling for my attention getting schemes anymore. I can't say that it helped me because I was too far gone in a depression at that point but it did help her to deal with me. Here's a link to the site, hope it helps. http://www.4troubledteens.com/toughlove.html

Answer 9

That sounds just horrible!! Is she acting like that because of her disorder? If not, maybe something's bothering her. Talk to her one-on-one. Does she have a reason to dress up like a stripper? When was it when she started acting up? Figure those things out!

Answer 10

I know talk shows have made a cliche' out of this but the "boot camp" programs really do help in alot of cases if it is truly out of hand.
You can check with the department of juvenille justice (or similar) where you live to get information. It's sounds harsh but they do work.
Also, sometimes, if you have her involved in the research and discussions with the center, it is enough of a deterrent to make a change without even attending.