What to do about the stepchildren?

Question

The only thing that my stepkids (aged 16-21) could hold against us is that their dad married me. He is happy with me but they have almost nothing to do with us, barely giving us the time of day anymore. (i.e. returning 1 phone call for about every 4 made and message left for them)

Answer 1

It's not easy to deal with stepchildren. So try these links. I hope they can help you. Good luck:

http://www.thestepfamilylife.com/LinksStepmoms.htm

http://www.peaceandhealing.com/stepchildren/index.asp

Answer 2

The funny thing about kids of divorced parents is they live in a fantasy that their parents will eventually come to their senses and remarry. Now that you are in the picture you have burst that bubble.

Just hang in there and love your husband and them as best you can. Eventually they will see that their father is much happier and maybe the ex will find someone and they won't feel so obligated to take sides.

Since they are older it's really their choice and there's not too much you can do about it. Put your energy into you relationship with your hubby and find your own happiness. If they come around great and if not it's their loss.

peace

Answer 3

That is realy hard. My mom got mariend for her 2 time and my step dad had 3 kids. There mom well livethem in front of my house with there clous all durty and ........
It was a disaster. Now there are big. My step Brother died in Irak (he was in the Army) My 2 stepsister ws in drugs and now they have a baby of ther own. Im am not saing this well be your story, But that some stepkids can be a pain. It is realy hard to get to now them because you are a intoder to them. Just do your best and make your husband happy. Forget about them. Your responsability is your husband, Do not let tehm make you lose your relationship with him. It is har but you can. I belife in You.

Answer 4

Is there any cause for them to think you are responsible for breaking up the marriage between their mother and their father? What was their relationship like with their father before he married you?

It just seems to me there is more history here than you've shared in your initial post.

If there isn't any reason for them to resent you and their father as a couple, then maybe you need to remember that 16 - 21 year olds are more self-focused as they prepare to enter the adult world. Maybe what appears as not wanting to have anything to do with you is nothing more than kids being self-absorbed and living their own life. Has their father tried to talk to them, without incriminations, about their feelings?

Answer 5

Most kids probably don't like when their dad is with someone new - especially if their mom raised them. They'll come around eventually. Maybe this year he should make them come get their xmas presents and not mail them to them? Not to say that he does that but I bet you'll hear something from them at xmas time when they are wondering what dad bought them!
Don't let the kids ruin your happy marriage. Be happy and have some patience with the kids.

Answer 6

It's normal for kids that age to be selfish, as we all know that the world revolves around that age group. With maturity will come some more communication and/or time spent together.

Answer 7

The kids will probably side with their mom. Did you try to get to know the kids? Cuz if you did not, then that is probably where you went wrong. You cannot expect to have a relationship with people who don't want to have a relationship with you.

Answer 8

At least they're older. You don't have to put up with them much. If you're happily married to their father, and they don't like it, tough for them.

Enjoy yourself in your new marriage :)

Answer 9

just keep try and when there ready to ocme around they will

Answer 10

spend time with them