Can any mother empathize?

Question

I have two girls (2yrs 8 mo apart) and it seems they spend most of their time annoying the crap out of each other. If one of them is content playing a game etc, the other is compelled to meddle and completely upset their sister. Even when we settle down to read a story or something, they have to fight about sitting in the same square foot of space. I've been losing my patience with this more and more and even though I know it is not helping the situation, I'm at a loss as to what to do. (aside from banishing them to there rooms all the time) Does anyone have any suggestions on how to get them to get along better?? Maybe some games/projects where they need to work together?? They are 3 an 6 yrs old

Answer 1

They are the perfect age to start offering rewards. I know it is hard to think about rewards when you probably feel like throwing them out the window (God makes them cute so you won't.) Try setting up a plan such as offering an extra book at story time if they can each pick their own spot without fighting. Give them tips and suggestions on how to work it out, such as taking turns if there is a prime spot to sit. Make the offer in advance of even walking in the room to read the story. Be very clear about the parameters. For example: "We are going in the living room and I am going to read you a story. If you can get through story time without yelling or hitting or kicking, I will read you one more story than normal (or whatever reward you choose). I will stop reading if you start fighting. Now, who wants to sit on the left side of me and who wants to sit on the right side of me. And whose turn is it to turn the pages? Since you are turning the pages, your sister gets to choose the book. I expect you to be able to sit quietly while I read and then we can all have a nice time. If you have trouble following the rules, I will stop reading and help you figure out a solution." Only when the details are completely worked out and agreed on do you even enter the room. If they start fighting, stop talking immediately and remind them of the rules and your expectations. Help them negotiate. Then...and this is the important part....notice and reward them when they act how you like them to. Read the extra story (or whatever reward you promised them). Lavish verbal praise. Surprise them with rewards. Catch them being polite to each other. Limit punishments and yelling. Reinforce the good stuff and they will work towards that praise and those rewards. You will enjoy being around your children again.

Answer 2

I think every set of siblings is a little different and sometimes you just have to let them handle it themselves. My daughters are 26 months a part, and sometimes I want to ring their little necks :). When they fight over toys, games or t.v remove the item from their list of activities for the day. As far as fighting over space, try picking up small chairs in a different color for them, then punish the one trying to get in the wrong chair. Another suggestion is if all that doesn't work, let them fight. As long as their not beating each other, let them handle their own arguments. When they realize they have to take care of the dilemma they are causing they may be less likely to keep causing the problem. Good Luck

Answer 3

Get them to do things that require teamwork. Sounds like they have too much time to be bored and bug each other. Make the 6 year old realize that she can teach the 3 year old how to do things together. It is also important that both have individual time with you, like a trip to the store or car wash, etc. Include them in as much of your daily duties as possible. That makes them feel valued and important. Praise them alot. Then they may want to do more things alone instead of arguing for your attention.

Answer 4

What you need to do to save your sanity is to find a play group for each girl. For example,say take the 6 yr old to play group on Monday and spend some time alone with yr 3 year old, Tuesday take your 3 yr old to play group and spend the time alone with your 6 yr old. I know that you are busy young mother, but your children will grow up fast, let the dust bunnies grow under the bed and play with your children. They wouldn't remember when they are grown if mother mopped the floor, but they will remember if mother played with them

Answer 5

Maybe make the older one feel like she is in charge and it's up to her to please and care for the littler one. Ask her "will you play with "Annie" because you are so good at "whatever-drawing" and you could teach her....." My son was older and really got into leading his sister in play. They had tons of fun and the competition for my time and energy got transferred into their own little world.

He actually taught her to read once he started school. She was reading when she started school because of him not me. In past generations the older siblings were always responsible for the younger ones. Try this age old technique of making your older responsible and see what happens.

Answer 6

it sounds like an attention issue. one feels more neglected. they will get the attention what ever it may be good ,bad, or indifferent.
like a power struggle.
try to spend time with each separately, with their own time.

Answer 7

Their sisters thats what they do, as they grow up you want have that problem, remember they are kids and kid will be kids.