What do you tell a child of 7yrs that their parents are seperating?

Question

The father had an affair which has caused the breakup of the marriage and the father admits he will not give the woman up.

Answer 1

God that is a hard one.

My parents separated when I was 6. I don't actually remember either of them telling me it was happening. Not in a bad way but it must have been dealt with really delicately. I mean I think the priority is the child. You must remember that he is only 7 and doesn't need the details.

You must appear to be loving towards his father. I know he has hurt you very much but the child loves his father and that love can not be ruined by you or him during this. It will be very difficult to show a loving face towards him but it is vital htat you gat that right.

If you handle this wrong then the child will lean more towards the parent he thinks is being abused. You need to let him know that these thimgs in life happen. That it not such a bad thing after all. Of course that is not his fault but try and show him positves from this. Eg. He will have 2 houses, 2 kinds of bedrooms extra toys etc. I know that sounds awful to you but he is 7 and will love the thought of having all these wonderful things in his life.

The more relaxed you are round him the easier it will be for him to accept this change in his life. Also, if my mam was ever talking nasty about my dad she would give him a different name just incase we walked in or overheard her on the phone. That way we never realised it our dad and she was still able to vent the anger she felt towards him. Just a suggestion for you.

I wish you all the best. It's not an easy thing to go through when there's no kids. I hope everything turns out for the best.

Answer 2

Tell the child that mummy and daddy are no longer together but they love you all the same and make sure that you tell the child that isn't their fault. The father will have to tell the child that too. He'll have to say that just because he's met someone else it doesn't mean that he doesn't love his kid. You have to make sure that the child is affected as little as possible and feels loved.

As parents you need to set a good example. You need to try and put this behind you (I know it's hard) for the child's sake so he/she doesn't think that you hate each other. You must try to get on, especially in front of the child. You don't want to make the child feel unsettled an d as if he/she has to tale sides/ There's nothing worse than that.

I hope it'll be okay. I'm sure you'll do fine xxx

Answer 3

mum and dad have to stay civil with each other. nothing is worse than being that age and hearing and seeing the negative side. explain the separation but not in detail and dont lay blame anywhere. point out the positives. two bedrooms etc (if thats the case anyway.) Every situation like this is different, there aint an answer to this question only dont let it f*** the kids emotions up, trust me at 22 you still feel what you felt when mum and dad split up, it never goes away for some reason. wish i could help but i really dont know what to say. from the kids point of view it will always be confusing no matter what you tell them. Sorry but there's no real answer even if you know its dads ault really you still want your dad around even though mum cant stand to be in the same room as him anymore

Answer 4

You need to do some home work .You need to go step by step.Once you start,out of curiocity this child will persue by asking you a lot of related question about the situation.
I suggest that you try your best and explain what the following meant to the child (give your own basic down to earth examples to him):
1)conflict
2)Disaggrement
3)Misunderstanding
4)Not willing to say sorry
5)Need some break by staying apart
6)But you(child) is not the reason of this decision
So,try and explain the above points slowly to the child and link it to staying apart.Continue that there is an option that both (parents)could come together again if diffrences ae settled.[cos seperation does not mean divorce right?]
Please,reasure your love to the kid and this will help child grow better in the proceess.
Hope this little idea might help.

Answer 5

Just explain to the child that you each need time apart, but that's it's no one's fault especially the child. Do not tell them of the affair, that's no one else's business but the parents and the mistress. Things will be hard enough of the child without dragging anyone's name through the dirt. I am divorced with 2 kids from the same thing. I waited 10 years for my ex to admit to our kids he cheated on me and left, so even though my kids blamed me for the first 10 years it's now the father they won't speak to or even visit.

Answer 6

My parents told me that they had to live seperately as they keep arguing and they are not happy together. I was 8 when my parents split up and it was hard and your child probably wont take it very well, just make sure you tell him/her that they will still see the both of you and that you both love them very much, tell them thats its not their fault (believe me this will run through their mind, even at that age).
What you dont want to do is tell them why you are splitting up. This will cause your child to possibly hate their father and that will make things alot worse.
Just make sure that your child knows that you both love them and always will x they will be fine after a while.

Answer 7

Just tell the kid that you and his/her dad have decided not to live together anymore because you are having some problems and that sometimes this is what parents do (you need to let the kid know that separated parents is not weird). Also let your kid know that you still love him/her very much and that this won't change how either of you feel about him/her (this is the most important part).

My parents split up when I was 5, and this was back in the 70's. I'm the oldest and my parents pretty much handled it by saying that we were moving and dad was getting his own place. All of us kids still got just as much love, attention and dicipline (probably twice as much dicipline) as we did when the folks were still together, and we had the added bonus of not living with fighting parents. The biggest problems growing up were with other adults (teachers, etc.) giving me crap about my parents being divorced, as if I was supposed to do something about it. Your kid is what is important, and kids can adapt pretty quickly if they are in a supportive environment.

Answer 8

My parents seperated when I was 8, my mum had an affair. Me & my 2 sisters & brother stayed with our dad. I don't have a good relationship with my mum I never have & it's probably because she never explained a thing to me. My dad was the one that sat us down & told us she wasn't coming back but that she still loved us & we could see her whenever we wanted. It must have been hard for him as he actually hated her, still does after almost 17 yrs but you have to think about the children.

7yrs of age is young but I was 8 & I understood a lot more than anyone gave me credit for, I was the youngest so I guess my mum felt she didn't need to explain anything to me as I wouldn't understand!

Just make sure the child is told everything, obviously not that their dad is a liar & a cheater but enough so he/she doesn't feel left out of anything! Also make sure they have plenty of happy memories, something I don't have!

Answer 9

No matter WHAT you tell that child, the most important thing is to reiterate that NO MATTER WHAT, Mom and Dad will still love that child forever. Young children sometimes believe that the parent who leaves doesn't love them anymore.


The rest, just tell them in terms that they can understand, and that is age appropriate. "Mom & Dad can't live with each other any more. Even though they still love you very much, and will always love you, they're having a hard time getting along."

Answer 10

Press and re-enforce that it is not their fault. That these are adult problems. Promise them that you'll still be parents and that the child will still see each side of the family, that mom and dad love them. Point out that this does not make them different from other children.