Why does my ex keep doing this?

Question

I split up with my ex two months ago. She used to live with me but moved out. she wanted to end the relationship but every week or so she contacts me to say she has left this or that and wants to pick it up.. and it is always a small items like like DVD etc. I have told her that it's too painful to see her and would rather she stay away and leave me to grieve alone and move on. why does she keep doing this when she does not want the relationship any more???? I'm so confused!

PS We were living together for 4 years. She moved into my house with her son who is now living in his own place.
When she moved out I paid for the deposit on her flat and helped her out with money to get her on her feet. She then ended the realtionship and two week later she asked to borrow more money because she was broke.. I did not give her any!

Thanks for all the replies. I did pack eveything up and give it to her ages ago. So a couple of weeks ago she knocked on my door wanting 2 wine glasses she'd left behind... worth about £5 between them. I did not even know that they were there, indeed I did not know who actually bought them in the first place? One other thing, I left loads of my stuff at her flat and just told her to keep it all or throw it away becuase it was not important enough for me to go round and suffer the agony of seeing her again.... man my head is about to explode with all this!

Answer 1

She enjoys seeing you suffer.

Answer 2

Maybe she genuinely has left things at your house. Either that or, even though she wants it over, she's having difficulty letting go. She will probably still care about you and it can be hard for the dumper too, not just the dumpee. You don't say how long you were together for, but I expect she's still keeping in contact to soften the blow of suddenly moving out and ending things with you. In her own way she may feel a little lost. Make sure you scour the house for every single item that belonged to her, put it all in a box and when she comes round again let he take it and explain that you really would rather she didn't contact you again, at least not for a while...tell her you need to get your head straight and be left to move on and her coming round is hindering you. Good luck!

Answer 3

It sounds like she may be having second thoughts about her decision to leave - if you think you might want her back, I would ask her if this is the case. If you really want to move on and she's preventing this, tell her you want all contact for the next few months to be by email only, and if there's anything she needs to collect, leave it for her with a mutual friend. It's not fair on you for her to keep popping back into your life temporarily and she needs to understand this. If she had a control-freak type mentality, she may be trying to find out what you're doing, how you're coping and if there's anyone new on the scene even though she doesn't want to be with you. If she's a better person than that, there's the faint possibility that she just wants to check you're ok, but if it's hurting you, she needs to be made aware of this and if she cares, she'll give you space. You sound like a nice guy, you'll get over her and there'll be plenty others willing to take her place. Good luck.

Answer 4

You've asked her nicely to leave you alone to grieve the end of an important relationship to you, now it's time to be firm. Easier said than done i know, but you gotta think of yourself here Hun.

Go through your things and separate anything that is hers and anything she gave you as well (don't worry if you're not ready for the last thing yet, some things take time) and put them in a box. When she comes around next time, which she will, give them to her. Say you're having a good ol' clear out and that you know that there is definitely nothing left that isn't yours. Hopefully that should do it.

I don't think she just wants her stuff otherwise she would've cleared out by now.
BUT i don't think she wants to get back together either.
I think she just wants to see how you are coping. Perhaps it makes her feel good to see you're still grieving over her?
We'll never know, but we need to get you on the road to recovery my friend!

There's a big ol' world out there waiting for you to join! So go on... Have fun and good luck with everything. xxx

Answer 5

You are obviously an innocent abroad. Apparently her decision to move out was taken hastily on some incident and now she is repenting it. But obviously she is too proud to own up her mistake and is clearly waiting for you to make the move. From your question it appears that you are grieving over the loss and I feel she has diagnoised it and besides herself she also want to help you out of it. I don't know why you are standing on formalities. Or is it lack of confidence in yourself? Man, take the cow by the horns . I need not spell out all the steps to be taken You can consuslt any cheap book on love.She is just waiting for your green signal and will drive into your yard the moment she gets it. But make the signal clear and steady not just flickering. By all means take the blame on yourself for the break in relationship avowing what a fool you had been to let her go out of your embrace in the first nstance.Humour her along. Girls like that. I am also a girl and I know. Best of luck.

Answer 6

As a woman, I can say that we too play head games. She's probably keeping you hanging on just in case she decides she wants you down the road for something. She may also be getting off on knowing that it does bother you and she could still have you. I would have to advise you to gather up anything and everything that she could possibly come back for and have it ready the next time she rings your bell. At least then you'd know she has nothing to hold over your head. That will be the end of that excuse and maybe you could get on with your life! Good luck!

Answer 7

She may be finding it more difficult than she imagined, but if she ended it, then it's clear, that, even if there is slight doubts, that it wouldnt work. So stick to whats happened, time will heal and you will find someone who truely loves you, and will spend the rest of their life with you. Till then, box/bag all her stuff up and arrange 1 day and one day only she can collect her stuff. If their's stuff your not sure about ask her to write a list and clearly stat this is her last chance to collect all her stuff and that if she misses out anything, then it will be what they say as 'tough luck'. Communications can be done by writing via post, or letters trought the post box. You can even get a neighbour to give her her stuff on that day so you avoid all communication if you wish. Whatever you do, stick to your guns. Hope all goes well.

Answer 8

It could be a couple of things........she may be having some regrets or confusion with her decision and by making excuses to come by gives her the chance to see u, or she may be curious as to if u have moved on with your life or not and wants to check up on u, or she just may not want to burn the bridge with u in case her decision doesn't work out for her. By her stopping by she makes sure u don't forget her, and that isn't fair because if u still have feelings for her then she knows it will make it more difficult for u to move on. So it's up to u now. If you still care about her and want her back then u could use these times to your advantage...........if u don't want her back and u truly want to move on then I would gather up everything little thing of her's and package it in one box and drop it somewhere for her and let her know there is no reason to be calling. This will show her that u are moving on and she is not part of your future. Follow your heart, but don't let her play this game with u, it's not fair. Good Luck :-)

Answer 9

Just like every other woman around who's ever broken up with a guy, we like to think that we were soooo good that you can't move on. How do we make sure of it?? By continuing to contact you. Stop answering her calls, emails, text messages or however else she's contacting you. Sooner or later she'll get it that you were serious when you said for her to stop contacting you.

Answer 10

Either she realises she's losing things a lot or she wants to keep going back to show herself that your gone because she's only just getting used to it, I don't really know if it's anything to do with your feelings, it's just her, maybe you could explain to her and find that you think is hers in the house and give it all to her at once.. She can't come back without an excuse.

Answer 11

She sounds like a smug and nasty piece of work. She doesn't want you but doesn't want anybody else to have you either. She doesn't want you to get over her and she is making sure you havent 'moved on'.

Have a clear out of all her stuff, tell her to come round to get it and that it's the last time she'll need to come

Good Luck