We had already had a superficial relationship back in 2002, and now he is back wanting to live with me and having kids. I have been telling him he is going too fast, asking him to be reasonable, saying we dont know each other so well yet, but he acts like I was saying nothing? Eg. He talks about kids and I say it is too early to talk about it, so next phone call we talk about driving license, and I make a joke telling him my sister only got hers cause he had the test pregnant and they felt sorry to reprove her, then he tells me he wont let me drive when I am pregnant and that he wants to have four children? I tell him it is too early to live together and he tells me he is making plans to spend a week in my house to 'start with'? Now when he calls I make up excuses to let him go cause since he does not hear what I say, why should I bother to say anything? What is there left to do when talking does not work cause the other person ignores what you say?
2006-11-05 23:30:11 · 11 answers · asked by Graça 3 in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
I am not young, I am 33 but just got out of a marriage and I am getting to enjoy freedom right now, so I am not that 'desperate' to get into another commitment, even though I would not call living together anywhere as close to a commitment as marriage, but still too much for me right now.
2006-11-06 00:33:01 · update #1
As a suggestion it might be good to write it down in an email or letter form telling him straight out that you are not interested at the moment in living with each other or with the possibility of having children at the moment.
You have set priorities and that you wish that he would pay more attention to what you are saying
Tell him "its not all about you" and that he is not listening
He may not want to hear what you have to say but he has to listen.
Take a small break from each other and see if the message finally gets through.
Let him know keep repeating yourself enough that the message finally gets through to him. He may actually be trying to wear you down. Don't agree to manipulation you will regret it if you do
Its really too bad some people just don't like to listen
I wish you a great deal of luck in this but be persistant .
YOU are not ready, to commit ... Not right now.
And tell him in as few words as possible men only listen to 50 % of what you say.
2006-11-05 23:40:46 · answer #1 · answered by Spirit_Rain_3-SunShineAries 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You aren't doing anything wrong, this is his stuff, not yours. He's moving too fast, you told him to slow down, he's not listening. Doesn't sound to me like he cares what you think or feel. Time for you to stand firm and hold your boundaries. I suggest not taking his calls for one thing. If you do, will he run right over you each time? So why even bother? You could ignore his calls, then text or email him. Leave a note on his car or mail him a letter. Somehow someway write to him how you feel about all the things you wrote here. Write it cuz then he won't be able to interrupt you. Let him know this isn't gonna work out, because he ignores what you say. Let him know he cannot spend a week in your house, that you don't agree with his plans, that he needs to leave you alone. And if that's what you really want, then after you tell him that, stand firm! Don't take anymore of his calls, don't see him alone. If he doesn't leave you alone after that, you could report him to the police. A little visit from them might just convince him that you aren't interested. And please don't for a minute think you can change him, or think maybe things will get better one day, cuz they won't. He's already telling you what you will and won't do when you are pregnant, is that what you want for the rest of your life? His controlling you like that? Nooooooo. Kick him to the curb now, and move on with your life. You'll find someone who will treat you with respect and kindness.
Myst
2006-11-05 23:58:53 · answer #2 · answered by Myst 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
In the first place men don't listen too good anyway....but only hear the bits that sound agreeable to them.....you need to make this plain to him that this is not what you want, that you would like to take things a little slower, even if you have to spell it out to him....tell him that him moving in with you and your kids is not a good idea, and that if he dosent listen to you the relationship has no real future for you both.
2006-11-05 23:50:18 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
How old are you guys?-you didn't mention it in your post, but apparently if YOU feel you're too young-then you at least recognize that you yourself are not ready for that type of relationship--even if he doesn't.
If he's really getting on your nerves, not "hearing" what your feelings are on those important matters, is to the point of being "obsessive" on those issues....and it's not what YOU want???>>>>Move on.
I would get outta that one....before you know it, he'll be trying to control every aspect of the relationship to shape and mold it into what HE wants--i.e. where you live, where you work, IF you work, who you talk to, what you wear, even what you make for dinner... you'll have NO say in the finances, parenting, vacation/holiday planning, you'll have to "be" what HE wants you to "be"--but he'll get to do whatever the hell he wants....
and you'll be stuck...
for the rest of your life...
But hey, If you "LOVE" him and can picture living the rest of your life like that??? Who am I to say anything.....
Go NOW while YOU still have that choice (BEFORE he takes all of your "choices" away from you.
2006-11-05 23:42:51 · answer #4 · answered by secret_oktober_girl 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
My suggestion is to run for your young life. Its obvious that both of you guys are young, since you have not mentioned anything about your future and aspiration you have for your life. I believe it would be a great ideal for you to think about what you want out of life and how to go about being the best you can be. Why not be successful? Why not be independent? Why not wait and met a nice guy who would listen and respond to you? Just remember, its all about you and how great you want to be.
2006-11-05 23:53:52 · answer #5 · answered by pradavee 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It can be two things...
First he really loves you a lot dont want to loose you and thats why he is not listening to you...he is runing from Truth...
Or second he is very clever he knows that you will dump him so he is trying to be oversmart...
Now Ball in your court decide....else tell him clearly if he wont listen stop taking his calls...
God bless you
2006-11-05 23:36:23 · answer #6 · answered by Angela 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sounds like someone is so busy planning your life that he can't, or won't see your point of view. Will this carry on throughout the relationship ?
2006-11-05 23:36:26 · answer #7 · answered by sluggo1947 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Maybe you need to use a different set of words, like,
"goodbye, have a nice life"
2006-11-05 23:46:41 · answer #8 · answered by Anarchy99 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
hammer your point home by saying that it is make or break that he listen to you. then follow through and dump him.
2006-11-05 23:32:39 · answer #9 · answered by Raff 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If he wont listen, then I would honestly dump him if it was me.
2006-11-05 23:39:30 · answer #10 · answered by pj_gal 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋