my girlfriend keeps talking about babies?

Question

we are both nearly 29 and have been going out for a few months, her brother and sister both have young kids but I want to wait a year or two before taking the final plunge and having kids, I am not planning on splitting up after having kids so want to make sure we are suited before even talking about it really.

any tips to get her to slow down without appearing cold, i do love her very much and definitly want kids soon myself but not that soon.

Answer 1

Don't worry about being cold towards her, just tell her what you have just written, you sound very sensible and in love. Just be honest with her about your feelings, she will respect you, and be happy that it is in your future plans.

Answer 2

At 29, her biological clock is beginning to tick. Maybe she's just trying to feel you out to see IF you EVER want kids? May be a way for her to determine your receptiveness to the idea. Your best bet is to be Crystal clear with her and lay out the facts.
1. You've only been dating for a few months, much too soon to be planning for children, however you do look forward to having kids in a few years time.
2. You're still "courting" - embrace the opportunity to get to know and enjoy each other. Remind her that for all she knows, once she's privy to all of your habits, she may not wish to have children with you. (Make this statement in an effort to add levity to the discussion)
3. Your statement about not planning on splitting up after kids is a very powerful one. Make sure she understands this and how important it is to your future offspring to ensure you've found "the one" before bringing kids into the world.

Don't avoid this discussion. Doing so could push her away. Just be honest in how you feel about the questioning and the subject of conversation. If she's the one for you, I have a feeling that this conversation will put both of you at ease. Good luck.

Answer 3

If you're not ready, then you're defo too young.

When you are ready, then it may take a year or more for your girlfriend to conceive after coming off the pill - I assume that's the method you're using?

If you've only been together a few months then odds are it is a bit early. I'm 36, and my girlfriend is 32. Our soon to be born baby was conceived after we'd been together a few months. But then we're older. And we knew we wanted to be together.

How about you start trying for a baby, and keep your fingers crossed it's later rather than sooner.

Or you tell your girlfriend that you do want kids but not yet.

If I were you, I'd go for option 2. Terrible to get her pregnant if you aren't sure about the relationship.

BTW does she want a baby, or does she want a baby with you? Therein lies the difference...

Answer 4

Tell her honestly how you feel. It's very normal for women to 'fixate' on kids at your age. It's that biological clock thing. It unfortunately is a real sticking point for many couples where the woman wants kids and the man wants to wait. You're going to have to talk to her and then allow her to make the decision to stay with you and wait or leave the relationship to look for someone who wants kids now. Good luck, I hope it works out the best for both of you.

Answer 5

calmly sit her down and talk about it, tell her how u feel, and explain that the last thing you want is to have a child and then end up 1 of you being a single parent, or even worse staying together just for the sake of the child. if you are already living together then you should already have an idea of weather you will be compatable, if you are not then this maybe an idea to make her realise that you do still want her and love her ect, but u are just not ready for kids.

Answer 6

I think you have to talk to her.
You don't say whether she has actually said she wants kids now or whether you are assuming she does.
I think you should frame it in a loving way - something along the lines of
I love you and think you will make a fantastic mother but first i want to get our lives sorted and get to know each other properly. Also i want a home life sorted and we need to discuss future plans and ideas about family life.
I love you so much and want a family and for that reason i want to take the time to get it right.

We know what happens when these things are rushed.

Answer 7

A few months? Is she trying to catch you? I would wait at least four or five years before even thinking about it - how can you know someone after a few months? - besides, she's got plenty of time at 29!

Answer 8

tell her that it's bugging you. She's got baby on the brain, that's for sure.

I WAS like that until I had kids. they are a lot of work. If she enjoys time to herself, she won't get that after kids are around. If she likes a clean house, she won't get that once kids are around. If she likes her clothes to NOT have stains on them, she won't have that once she has kids. If she likes being able to go out with her friends and spend money, it will be a lot harder to do once kids are around.

I love my kids and they are well behaved BUT you're in for a big change

Answer 9

Just be honest with her and tell that your not ready for kids and also it's best to get married first! God never intended us to have children out of wedlock. If you love her dearly you'll marry her first then start a family with her. And if she love's you she will wait and respect your decision.

Answer 10

whn u both love each other then no problem.jst make her understand that first let's make a good future for kids .and after that one or one dozen it's upto u.tell her whatever hard work ur doin 2day u r jst doin for ur baby only.coz u want to give him/her all the happiness.(thoda senti ki which u ahven"t got in ur childhood)