What to DO???????????

Question

My mums Husbands is a nasty piece of work to say the least, he acts very childish, and petty.
I'm at the stage now where i do not know what to do, i hate argueing with him as it upsets my mum.
He acts like this big hard man, who has to have control over everything, he has only been part of my mum life for about 2 years, i am not the selfish type of person, and i have always wanted my mum to be happy, and have never stood in the way of that.
Has anyone have any Ideas of how i can chill out and calm my temper and anger where he is concerned.
I spend most of my time in my room and only go downstairs to get some food, or do some washing etc...
Please any advise will be much appreciated.
Thank you in advance

I am 20, I have tried to talk to the both together and apart, but he turns his head away from me as through i shouldn't even be in the same house as him let alone the same room. I just feel so lost.

Answer 1

Did you ever see the Brookside with the patio incident?

Answer 2

My mums Husbands is a nasty piece of work to say the least, he acts very childish, and petty.
I'm at the stage now where i do not know what to do, i hate argueing with him as it upsets my mum.
He acts like this big hard man, who has to have control over everything, he has only been part of my mum life for about 2 years, i am not the selfish type of person, and i have always wanted my mum to be happy, and have never stood in the way of that.
Has anyone have any Ideas of how i can chill out and calm my temper and anger where he is concerned.
I spend most of my time in my room and only go downstairs to get some food, or do some washing etc...
Please any advise will be much appreciated.
Thank you in advance

Answer 3

It is difficult to advise where the full situation is not known. My best guess is that he is attempting to act in a parental way, but has little experience of how to do it. Remember your mum has had several years of practice and that he has come into your family relatively recently.

Having said that, he is an adult and you are, technically, a child. Therefore, he has a responsibility to behave like an adult and should not descend to pettiness in his dealings with you. It sounds like you have your head screwed on and know when it is best to let things drop, which is admirable. You should not continue without letting your mum know how you are feeling, though.

Broach the subject with her when you are spending time together when her boyfriend is not about - and if you do not normally have such times, get your mum to make a time for a "girly chat" - or however you want to sell it to her. Try not to get angry, but make sure she knows how you feel. Tell her that you feel that he is changing the rules that have stood all your life and that it is difficult to adapt. Tell her, also, that you want to co-operate and see her happy in her relationship. Be specific about the things that you feel are unfair, or wrong.

Your mother has the responsibility to look out for your interests and if she is unable to talk to her boyfriend and bridge the gap between him and you, she may have deeper problems with him than you realise.

Good luck.

Answer 4

Well, your mum might feel that at least she's got a man and she doesn't want to 'upset the balance'. Even if you talk to her, I don't think she's going to divorce her husband. It doesn't matter how old you are, it is easy to make mistakes at any age. You would think that over time, we learn from our mistakes but we still carry on messing things up in our life. Maybe your mum needs to realise in her own time what a mistake she's making by staying with this guy. I think all you can do is tell her that if anything falls into pieces with him, you'll be there FOR HER.

Answer 5

Poor you, what a difficult situation. How old are you? Is it possible that he feels very awkward about the position he is in and is just trying to assert himself? Have you tried talking to both of them with a view to clearing the air? You could go to family counselling sessions, very helpful if you are all totally open and honest. On the other hand, perhaps you and he are never going to get on well together. That's allowed, just because your mum loves him doesn't mean you have to. If that is the case you will just have to find a level where you can get along. You can be civil and polite to each other without being best friends and your mum will just have to recognise that you are both there for her but don't much care for each other. Do seek help.

Answer 6

My husband went through the same exact thing as you. I feel bad for you. It's not like you just didn't want her to have anyone but you. The only thing I can suggest is that you try to see his good points. He can't be all bad. The more anger you have the more he's gonna feel it and it will fuel the fire. Men who act like that are usually really insecure. Maybe he does it all the more because he knows you don't really think much of him, so he overcompensates and acts that way which makes you even madder. Kinda like a vicious circle. Well, all I know is, my husbands situation escalated out of control. I'd hate to see yours get that bad. It has to begin with you.

Answer 7

Hey I don't think u need any advice sometime I dont even like my dad cause of his childish act, and surprised that how could my mom marriage any man like him, but when I think abt his good side it makes me chill. & no need to spend most of the time at ur room try to be with ur friend as much as u can. If u dont like to go out side or dont have many friends then u can visit me.

Answer 8

usually people who act all tough and in control deep down feel week and out of control. i think i would talk to mom tell her how you feel make sure you are using the i feel and i think phrases that way you are owning what you are saying. don't go to mom and start off with your husband is this or that it will only make your mom become defensive. as far as step daddy goes and i know this will be tough try and make him feel part of the family if he doesn't this may also bring on the controlling behavior. it may sound silly but he may feel he has to compete for her love.

Answer 9

Is she unhappy, though? Do you know that?

Have you considered that in fact she might like this kind of control?

Relationships can be complex, and it is advisable to look at all the aspects before becoming too upset.

If he *is* a bully, rather than being a controlling dominant, then you need to talk to your mum.

Answer 10

Toughie, to say the least. Why not attempt to put whatevers happended in the past, in the past and leave it there. Sit down with him and tell him that you dont like arguing with him and wish to sort out any differences you two guys have. Say that you are happy that he and your mumare happy and that that is all you want for them. Be the adult (if you feel like you are out of the two of you) and apologise for previous arguments, and move on. I know its hard (have been in the same situation with my mums past boyfriend(s)) but make the effort to make conversation with them and spend time with them. Trust me, over time your mum will thank you for sorting it out and she will be extremely proud with you you have handled this situation and have over come it.

Answer 11

is he violent to either of you? there is never an excuse for that. he may feel like he has to compete with you for her affection,or maybe he has been through this situation before.talking helps if you can get past the barriers we all put up,don't hide away, you maybe have to have a good old heart to heart,remember to listen too, he may need to act like he's in control,but be scared of revealing how he realy feels,good luck.