I have been with my bf for 10 years and i love him but i'm over the fact that we don't have any romance or communication. He makes me feel stupid for having feelings and practically criticises me for just about everything. He only thinks of himself and does'nt seem to give a s**t about me or his kids. He doesn't acknowledge my b'day or buy me anything wether it be b'day, xmas or our anniversary. Refuses to take relationship to next level. I'm not materialistic i mean he could buy me something for $10 as long as he actually put some thought or feeling into it. I'm at the point where i'm not happy anymore and feel like asking him to leave. After 10 years i think i deserve a bit of consideration and emotional support. He goes out whenever he wants and is on the net playin poker almost every night and i never get any of his attention.
What are your thoughts? Would like both sides opinions on this one.
2006-11-05 13:59:38 · 10 answers · asked by jimmy_chick78 4 in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
Marriage is a commitment. But, no where in the ceremony does it say you need to put up with no love, communication, careing, etc.
I made the mistake and married a very self centered man. I really thought that marriage would make him be what I needed.
I was soooo wrong.
Here is a book that saved me...ARE YOU THE ONE FOR ME.
It will let you know if you chose the right person and if you get single again to help you find what you need.
Don't stay for the kids. I did that and it hurt the kids deeply.
Get some counseling.....do all you can do so that if you do leave him you can day that you did your best.
Remember it is better for kids to be from a broken home than to live in one.
You just might be teaching your kids how to put up with being mistreated. I know I did.
2006-11-05 14:09:26 · answer #1 · answered by clcalifornia 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Men are funny. Some honestly do not understand how women tick and usually make us feel angry, sad, useless and unloved without realizing it.
You have to tell him all the things that bother you and how it makes you feel. Ask him if he's willing to try being more talkative, helpful, supportive, loving,compassionate and an occasional gift wouldn't hurt .
If he agrees to try, help him along and be patient (even trying a little bit is a start in the right direction). If he is unwilling, think about moving on and finding someone who will (people like that will rarely change)
2006-11-05 14:44:18 · answer #2 · answered by trojan 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well- you are not married- so - you have not covenant w him- are the kids yours too or just his?? There is no next level if you have been living together for ten years and have kids= and if ur not happy u don't want to marry the guy w the behaviour you can't stand- the door is open- boot him out and collect child support=- you may want to get legal custody of the kids so he won't take off w them- and file first=D
2006-11-05 14:06:13 · answer #3 · answered by Debby B 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
In a way you need to take responsibility for this situation because for 10 years you have allowed this to happen. Naturally he's not going to make an effort if you're always going to be there and remain loyal to him regardless of how he treats you. Nobody can make you feel a certain way - you allow yourself to feel that way through action or inaction.
You need to warn him that if his behaviour doesn't change (and it's unlikely it will seeing as he is so obviously taking you for granted) you will leave and then you need to prove you mean it by leaving. You'll one of two things: He will either pull his head in and start considering you and your needs or he won't care. Either way, you can't lose.
2006-11-05 14:06:32 · answer #4 · answered by Kble 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I'm probably not qualified to answer this one (considering my own situation) but (if there are no ties such as children) perhaps it's time to venture out and try something new. There doesn't sound like there's a lot of love coming from his direction. You say you love him but it sounds like your past that. My advice...have an affair (with me). Maybe I't will help both our situations. Sorry for sounding so blunt...
2006-11-05 14:19:08 · answer #5 · answered by r-u-t-1-i-need-2-talk-2 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Either your going to have to get use to it or leave him.seemslike a very selfish man and very confortable in the relationship maybe to confortable. You should go out and have fun with the girls dont waste your time trying to get his attention. Remember the way you felt when you first got together and how you use to have fun with eachother what happens to that?
2006-11-05 14:09:36 · answer #6 · answered by kelliejo0875 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well, if someone were swimming in a mud hole, you might wonder about them if they complained about getting dirty...
What exactly is the up side to the equation here - - from the info you gave, it seems you already hate him.. that must feel crappy for him too..
sounds like a lose/lose based on your assesment -
2006-11-05 14:06:06 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
i would say leave him you can do better but i dont know the whole thing try to take to him before sex. they say the way a man can feel is throw sex, but if he isnt welling to change or even notice the problem then let him know that its over.
2006-11-05 14:05:55 · answer #8 · answered by lissa f 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sit him down and talk to him. Tell him that you feel that he is taking you for granted. If he refuses to work on your relationship then kick his butt to the curb.
2006-11-05 14:06:13 · answer #9 · answered by theoriginalquestmaker 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Hey,,, you need to come to me,, the "Doctor of Love" honey,,, i know how to treat a lady like she should be treated...
good luck
2006-11-05 14:02:57 · answer #10 · answered by eejonesaux 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋