I have 3 sons ages...24,22,and 19. My 24 and 22 year old does nothing around the house or contrbutes in any way monetarily! I love them but have trouble confronting them about either moving or paying something! I am Divorced and have raised them myself for the past 13 years. I guess I don't know how to confront them without alienating them from me. My 19 year old helps me with everthing.
2006-11-05 13:11:39 · 11 answers · asked by RAINER G 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Family
Tough love. They may be upset with you for awhile, but will eventually get over it. Face it, you are not doing them any good by allowing them to use you like this. They need to become responsible for their own lives. I would set a time line. First, a job. Then set a deadline for them to have an apartment or you will put their belongings out and have your locks changes. You deserve to be able to slow down after raising them alone all of these years. Good luck.
2006-11-05 14:24:25 · answer #1 · answered by Hallon 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Do what my mom did for me: Change the locks on the doors and windows, move their belongings out, and give your 19 yr old the extra keys. DO NOT back down when you issue the ultimatum that they will have to contribute to the housing situation, or they will have to leave. You are the parent, not them.
Don't worry about alienation, that will happen, but they will get over it; I did, and I realized that it was the best thing my mother ever did for me. It made me grow up and become an adult when I didn't think I was ready for it. Obviously I was, because I haven't been back home to live since I was moved out. Eventually, they will thank you for it. Good luck.
2006-11-05 21:53:26 · answer #2 · answered by kellygirlaj 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
It's hard as a parent to have to dicipline your children. But I'm sure you did it when they were smaller. Just because your boys are adults, doesn't mean you're done parenting.
You are not doing your sons any favors. You are letting them not face up to their responsibilities as adults. And as long as the youngest helps, they're going to let him.
It may cause some hard feelings at first, but in the long-run your children will realize you are right; that they are taking advantage of your kindness & good nature, and well......you're Mom. But Mom has a breaking point & it's time she let them know there is a limit to what she will put up with.
Good luck to you.
2006-11-05 21:18:31 · answer #3 · answered by weddrev 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Alienate away! They need to grow up. A good dose of reality needs to hit them in the head and quick.
Stop doing their laundry, stop cooking meals, stop buying groceries, cutoff their phone, cancel the TV service, and present them will invoices for rent.
2006-11-05 21:18:05 · answer #4 · answered by troythom 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
take away any privileges. Refuse to cook for them, do laundry or clean up after them in any way. Or buy them all a copy of the movie, "Failure to Launch" which is exactly what this movie is about, and Hope they get the hint.
2006-11-05 21:19:12 · answer #5 · answered by catwoman 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
kick the other 2 boys out and keep the 19 yrs old and let him stay with u
2006-11-05 21:30:55 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
.set down and have a talk with them'.first tell them you love them very much but!!! you need their help' tell them they need to find a job if they don't learn how to take care of them self's' what will they do when your dead and gone and if you don;t put your foot down and teach them to be responsible when they get married and have kids you'll be taking care of them too' good luck
2006-11-05 21:34:31 · answer #7 · answered by deedee 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
the answer is called tough love. Best to teach them that there is no free lunch.
2006-11-05 21:51:26 · answer #8 · answered by nidan 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Alienate them. They need to help or move out.
2006-11-05 21:13:47 · answer #9 · answered by S K 7 · 0⤊ 1⤋
simply give them 30 days to move out.
if they have not put their clothes outside for them.
2006-11-05 21:14:45 · answer #10 · answered by cork 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋