my husband has a son from a previous relationshipand we have 2 sons also..my hubby has always been in his sons life and we all enjoy him when he comes over but recently he hasnt wanted to come over unless we are doing something fun for example our yearly vacation or hunting trips or fishing trips..otherwise he doesnt want anything to do with us..is this normal??i told my husband that i think it is normal for a teenager to not want to hang out with his parents..but he is really hurt by his sons attitude about things..all of these problems really started when we found out that my husbands name was not on his sons birth certificate..we were all shocked about this...my husband has paid child support for the last 16 years and now not only is his son treating him like crap but his name isnt on the birth certificate..can anyone tell me their thoughts on this...
2006-11-05 12:59:36 · 6 answers · asked by nuttsrus2005 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Family
In general teenagers prefer to hang out with their friends and stay away from parents. But i am sure the birth certificate thing has something to do with it too. The son has to understand that a father is not someone whose sperm concived him - it is the man who raised him, held him, took care of him when he was sick, taught him fishing etc. If there is another man on the birth certificate - the boy is probably confused because his world is turned around - but if he is reassured of the family - it will help.
2006-11-05 13:08:24 · answer #1 · answered by fffrrreeeddd 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
First, it's normal for teens to want to hang with their friends mostly and their parents only occasionally. You are right about that. But also, what is this boy's home life like? If he comes over and sees your happy family and then has to go home, he may go home feeling dejected that he doesn't have an "in tact" family. If this isn't the case, then I think I'd plan an "event" and invite him so he'll come. OR, I would have your husband invite his son on a special weekend trip (some place they will both enjoy; the beach, a sporting event, camping, etc.). The two of them should really bond and talk. Have your husband ask his son what is eating at him. Maybe, just maybe, he's found out your husband isn't his father? This would make him very insecure. He may think your husband no longer loves him. If that's the case, your husband could reassure him that he is loved and valued and that he will always support him and consider him his son, even if it turns out he's not his biological son. If he's not the real father, the ex lied,...be angry at her...not the innocent boy. Make sure his son knows his "dad" is still there for him. This might help.
2006-11-05 13:10:07 · answer #2 · answered by Wiser1 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
This is perfectly normal. Between the revelation about the Birth Certificate and the fact that he is an adolescent, I would be surprised if there WASN'T some kind of change.
He is probably upset and feeling like he was lied to on some level. Whether or not this is so is not really the point, it's just that as a teenager, when you have "known" something all your life, you feel lied to when you suddenly found out it wasn't exactly what you thought.
He still comes around for the fun events for a similar reason. He thought something all his life and these events were directly connected. Because he feels this safe connection, he still wants to be a part, but because he was hurt, he doesn't want to be there ALL the time.
I hope you understand what I mean, and good luck!
2006-11-05 13:11:09 · answer #3 · answered by Shel K 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
tell ur husband not to take it personally i am a teenager and hanging out with my parents is way at the bottom of my list trust me this is normal.and remind ur husband that a birth certificate means nothing it's just a liveless scrap of paper no big deal. just cause he's not on the birth certificate doesn't wipe out everything fatherly he has done for your son.your son will not forget and will probably want to spend more time with u soon.and remember dont get all clingy i hate when my parents r like that just give him his space and indipendents.
2006-11-05 13:53:20 · answer #4 · answered by blonde101 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
your prefer to fulfill your organic and organic father is excellent. understanding your roots, in spite of the undeniable fact that the mere flow to could be it. i recommend you pop up on his doorstep and confront him on my own to dodge any war of words or actual gestures which could be picked up via your sons. see the place it is going, save communications open then point out your sons and an selection time for him to work out and meet his grandsons. this might alleviate the flow to starting to be to be awkward and could guard the two aspects from the uncertain.
2016-10-21 08:09:54 · answer #5 · answered by titman 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
let him stay by his self
2006-11-05 13:01:49 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋