What is best for me and my baby right now?

Question

I am 31 and happily pregnant. I also have a 7 year old daughter. I was surpirsed to be pregnant, but very happy about it. The dad took off, very angry that I wouldn't give it up. My family is very religious and believes that my children are conceived in sin and many other hurtful things that they don't say, but are always between us. I am feeling very stressed and anxious about others reactions. I just want to be happy about my baby, and instead I am nervous telling people and waiting their disapproaval.

This is silly. I am 31 and happily pregnant. People are soooo nosy and asking about the father and things that are none of their business. So to lower my stress and anxiety, I am going to play the game. People just want to hear what they want, or they critiszie you. So I am planning on wearing a ring and telling people we are thinking of moving in together. In about 3 months, I will mention he died in an accident. Is this wrong? I just want to not be critisized and be happy.

I appreciate your answers, but I don't think you get the anxeity this is causing me. I live in a small a town

Answer 1

what you should think about is how you will tell your child later on. If you tell people that the babys father died, and he or she grows up and finds out the truth, how will that affect your relationship? I wouldn't want to loe a bond that took years to build over a lie told to spare others feelings, when yours are the ones that are important. Your family may be upset for a while, but don't you think that they will love the baby anyway?

Answer 2

Don't lie. It's not good for you or your baby. Eventually having to live the lie will cause even more stress. Lying will just complicate things. I realize that you must be under so much stress, but be up-front with everybody, including your family. Tell them that nothing is going to change the fact that you are pregnant and happy about it. No matter what, I'm sure they love you very much, and will want to support you. They might not necessarily approve, but I'm sure they realize what a delicate position you are in and that nothing is going to change any time soon. As for living in a small town, just don't worry about what other people think. They are not close friends of yours, if they were they would support you. If someone asks about the father, just say you'd rather not talk about it. If they are so nosy they still try to get something out of you, feel free to be rude and blame it on being pregnant. Now is a time to concentrate on your baby, and how wonderful it will be to have another child. Congratulations! :)

Answer 3

Certainly very few can fully comprehend the situation you find yourself in and the emotional toll that you pay as a result of the judgemental comments made by those that surround you. You state you live in a small town and the people are very inquisitive about you and your specific circumstance. My advice would be to avoid creating a story to fit what others want to hear and focus on your upcoming birth. It would seem a far better course to say your relationship with the father had hit a difficult spot but that you were hopeful about the future. Its not a lie....just a far more honest answer that you will not have to worry about addressing at a later time.

Answer 4

First, congratulations on your pregnancy! I'm happy for you, even though I don't know you.

I had my daughter, out of wedlock, five years ago, and she is the best thing that has ever happened to me. It's a shame that your father is acting the way that he is toward you. My parents acted similarly, but, were wise enough to understand that marriage was not the answer. Today, I think they understand it better. My daughter is the favorite grandchild, now, too, which makes it better.

Now, as far as taking your children away and telling that little white lie, I recommend that you do NOT do that. Please, be honest with yourself and with them, and with anyone else who may encounter you.

It is horrible to live a lie. Trust me. You do NOT want to do that. What would you do if your children, at an older age, discover the truth? It would make them believe that you were ashamed of them. Certainly, you would never want that to happen.

If you must move away, do so. But, whatever you do, do not lie about the father and all of that.

You are in control of your own happiness, and it's up to you to make yourself happy. If you are excited about this child, by all means, be excited and don't let the old-fashioned folks get you down.

Good luck!

Answer 5

You should not be concerned to the point that you are lying to people about it. This is your child, you cannot lie to him/her in the future about their dad. I am trying to be sensitive to your issue. Tell people that you are on your own. I had a girlfriend that was in that situation, she lived in a town just like that. She had no problem telling people that it was none of their business! It is great that you are happy about your baby. I myself am a mother of a 7 year old daughter , I just had my second baby (now 8 months old) Your little girl is going to LOVE being a big sis! She will also be the very best helper ever! The very best of luck to you. I really think that the best thing for you to do is to move to of town. You can't raise your baby in a town where everyone will tell your kid that their dad is dead, that is just wrong. My sis has a kid that the father left. She just tells her the truth, he is not around. not big deal. Good Luck and congratulations!

Answer 6

Yes, its very wrong because it really shouldn't matter what they think as long as you are happily pregnant thats all that matters. If you let it get to you too much you will get depressed after you have the baby and that wouldn't be good at all. My family is also very religious and that would be considered a sin for me also but im sure they love you and will love the baby and forgive you as soon as they see how beautiful the baby is and how happy you are. It's not your fault the Dad took off.

Answer 7

At this time in your pregnancy you simply need to remain focused on the wellbeing of yourself, your unborn baby & your 7 yr old. You seem like a strong person having had to go through all of this drama and I believe that truth, no matter how it sounds to others is always best. I believe by telling people today that your partner has passed away could cause much conflict for you and the unborn child in the future. You need to believe in yourself and the decisions you have made. Having a baby out of wedlock is very common today, and those who chose to judge you are best kept at a distance. You need to protect yourself emotionally from these thoughtless people. As for your partner who did walk away, shame on him. I find positive affirmations are very helpful to me, when people are critisising MY decisions in MY life. Remember you are a strong person who does not need to cover anything up. Your children should not be ashamed of who they are or why they are here. This is what people are telling you to be.....ashamed. I am currently 28 weeks pregnant and I will be the judge of MY life. Please try and do the same. Be honest to yourself. Good luck with the pregnancy and its only you who can block out these wayward critisms. Be STRONG!!

Answer 8

you'll really regret that because the truth will come out and everyone will think worse of you because you broke their trust - right when you need help from friends and family the most. Just bite the bullet, tell the truth and deal with it. You don't have to elaborate on the personal details. If people ask (except your mom and dad) just say, 'the father's not in the picture and I'm raising this baby on my own'. The end - you don' t to say more than that and if people press you for details, just say ' thank you for your concern, but that's all I want to discuss right now.'

Good luck!

Answer 9

This is not a good idea. Do not bring your baby up in a bed of lies. This is not about you and your town, this is about a little baby who has a right to know their father is alive. My mom had me when she was 14, she considered telling me my dad was dead. I am so glad she didn't, because even though he left me when I was a baby, we have a great relationship now. Your child deserves to know the truth, and if you can't give that to him/her just because of what your town may think, I feel sorry for your baby. You need to realized that if you proceed with this, you are bringing your baby into this world in tangled in a web of lies. How do you think they would feel if at 15 or 16 they suddenly found out that their father was alive. Could you stand for your child to look at you with that kind of accusation in their eyes? I usually think people should do what feels right, I'm sure if you think about this a little harder you will realize that it doesn't feel right. This is not about anyone else YOUR CHILD DESERVES THE TRUTH>

Answer 10

Sorry about your dilemma but I'm happy for you about the baby. Every baby deserves to be wanted and loved. You sound like a very kind, sensitive person. It does hurt when people would rather judge then help. You'll get through this time if you keep your eyes on God and be kind to yourself. Your 7 your old needs you too so take care of yourself physically, mentally and spiritually. Bless you. Remember the first person Jesus talked to was the woman at the well who was living with her man and had several bad relationships before. Jesus was thoughtful of her situation and never judged her but gave her hope.