this is a very ADULT question so please no teen advice, thanks.?

Question

I recently tried anal sex with my bf for the first time in my life. It was nothing like I thought it would be and was very painful at first. Once he got going it was fine, but while he was inserting himself, it was excrutiating!! We have done it 4 times since and it`s the same every time. I found that the slower and gentler he tries to be, the more painful it is and the longer the pain lasts. If he does it quickly, the pain doesn`t last as long, but is still excrutiating. We have tried all different kinds of lubes and nothing is different. There is nothing medically wrong with me or anything( I have been checked by a doctor). So, my question is, what can I do to make it less painful as this is something I want to continue to do? What would make it easier to get it in without feeling like I am being ripped apart? As I said we have tried lots of different lubes and none makes a difference, so what do I do?

Just to let everyone know, this is not something he is forcing on me...it is something I WANT to do and once I get past the initial pain of it, I actually enjoy doing it. It`s just that first part that sucks!! Once that part is over, it is fun and I LIKE doing it.

Also, I do not need moral or medical advice or speeches, just the specific advice I have asked for in the question will do, thanks.

Answer 1

I think it is a great thing that you are willing to try so hard to make him happy, it shows how much you care.

I had a similiar experience. It was painful, and we tried a lot of times, and sometimes I was able to stand the pain, but only for a short while.

What I found extremely helpful was a video that I watched. It was called "The Ulimate Guide to Anal Sex for Women." Try to find this or something like this. It will give you the information about anal sex that you need.

Once you have to information, you need to think about it. If you are not really open to it and relaxed is not going to happen. I remember when I became open, I was scared, but my partner was amazing. He was understanind and let me have control of what was happening. Communication is key. Once you let go and relax you can see how great it can actually feel. To be honest after the amazing sex, we both stopped and was like wow, I can't believe that actually happened. It was very good.

So get the info, feel open and relaxed, tell him when is a good time and that you want to try (You tell him, not when he asks), and communicate during! It will so help.

Also to prep you should make sure that you have gone to the bathroom, and when in the shower it would be a good idea to stick a soapy finger in there to make sure it is extra clean.

Also during anal sex start slow, either your finger or his to get used to something being in there, then add another finger. and you come down on him, you control it going in there. and you can tell him to go slow, or that its too fast, until you feel good, and tell him that too.

I hope this helped, and good luck.

Answer 2

I am not very experienced with the whole anal thing, but have tried it. I had the same experience almost exactly. It hurt going in, but once that was over, the sex was good. I haven`t done it for about 5 months now and don`t really intend to try it again. I don`t understand how you can claim that this is something you "WANT" and "LIKE" to do if it is so painful for you. It really sounds like you are just trying to satisfy your bf. But, if you are so adamant about doing it, I suggest you follow ALL of the advice here and keep at it. Over time the pain will go away. And in the end, you will probably start to enjoy doing it more than he does! Remember, practice makes perfect. Good luck! You will need it!

Answer 3

Why would you want to do some thing that causes you pain, if it is to please your partner, it is most defiantly the wrong reason. Anal sex makes the splinter muscle to stretch and if you continue you will eventually have a muscle that is stretched and will allow feces to run out you will not be able to tighten this muscle I am surprised that your Doctor did not explain this to you. The people that have anal sex generally start with a small object placed in the rectum and progress to larger over a long period of time. You are headed for a problem if you do not believe me grab a muscle on your side and pull it as hard and for as long as you can. that is what you are doing to your bottom

Answer 4

Maybe it has to do with his size. I know that you must be completely relaxed when doing this. If you are the least bit tense it worsens the pain. But if it is really that painful for you then he should understand that you prefer not to have anal sex anymore and if he loves you then he will understand. There are plenty of other things to do sexually to keep him satisfied other than anal sex. If it is hurting you so much you could suffer from hemorroids in the long run. Just talk to him about the pain. I am sure he will understand....

Answer 5

Time is the great mediator when it comes to this. You must relax your sphinctor mucscles as much as possible before attempting to perform such an act. My guess is that your lovemaking is too quick with little prep before insertion. Talk to him, let him know it hurts, if he shows little care about this then stop the act all together. If it is not pleasureable to you then it is not making love. hve him insert one finger first then, after a while Two, then aftwerr a while three..... one there then he should be able to do the deed w/o any pain. he will probably have to play w/ your anus and "t'aint" during many sessions of sex before doing this act. my wife needed several months of prep in this area to learn to like it before i dove in, and if I do it too fast she still does not like it. But, if done right i find her almost begging for it. You have to learn to like it. it is not all about him. Taking it in the but can be fulfilling for you ( as it is always likea ble for him) but you need to be slowly relaxed into the act. alot of pleasurable nerves urround that area but you need to figure out what works for you. a suggestion is to allow him to only finger that area for a long while. You are incharge of this, dont allow him cause you pain. make him earn the right to enter you in that way. this isn'r traditional intercourse. You have to be totally relaxed first before anal sex to be pleasurable to you!!!!!!! if he wants tight feeling then learn some good oral sex techniques, as they can be just as effective for him as well as you. Hope this helps. Sorry my spelling sucks!!!

Answer 6

Go to a decent "marital aids store" like Priscilla's and get an anal training kit. It has different size plugs that gradually stretch the anus, so it isn't so tight. (which is why it hurts).. also, you need to relax A LOT before he does it.. your anxiety that it will hurt is probably causing you to tighten up.

Answer 7

My advice is use your own personal lube. Also have him rub you with his finger to loosen you up. To me it sounds liek your jsut having him ram it in. That is painful. Slow and steady easy lots and lots of lube. He coudl be too big for you too. But over time and practice it will be less painful as you loosen up.

Answer 8

I had the same problem. What changed things for me was lubricant. If his penis and your anus are well lubricated to start with, there should not be the pain as before. Good luck.

Answer 9

I think it is more psychological than physical. You have to relax, totally relax. Next time, try not to think about the penetrating part. Also, ask him to use his fingers first. It may help.

Answer 10

If it's uncomfortable for you, why are you doing it so often. Some doctors would recommend not having anal sex at all