Ok, we went to an Elton John concert last night - we had great seats on the main floor 23 row. I told him last night and today how great it was. Then we were talking and I was like "I wish I could have been up by the stage when Elton John was signing everyone in the front rows autographs - wouldn't that have been so cool?" Then he blew up at me and accused me of saying I didn't like our seats and I was never satisfied with nothing he ever does for me -and so on and so forth. I was like - do you even listen when I talk? I have been raving all day about how much I like the concert and when I said it would have been cool to be up front and get an autograph you lose your mind and think I am saying I'm not happy!???WHAT IN THE HELL??? He has been speaking to me in a very demeaning tone for several weeks now and blows up at ever opportunity. Today He said "I hate you and when we get home I'm moving out." Then he called me a couple hours to say nothing..What should I do?
2006-11-05 11:05:53 · 28 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
He obviously has things on his mind...it could be work..family..friends ..money or even you..talk to him.
2006-11-05 11:09:06 · answer #1 · answered by fajita 7 · 1⤊ 1⤋
Sounds like ur getting a taste of what it's gonna be like to be married to him. He sounds like he may not want to be together, if he blows up at everything. He trying to tell u something so are u listening?
When u said it would have been nice to seats closer( that to him sound as if u were saying the seats u had wasn't good enough) but better that he should have gotten closer seats. Why couldn't u just be happy that u were at the concert.
And using the (H) word in a relationship is not good sweetie. U need to get to the bottom of this and ask him whats really going on, because it's not just about the seats it's deeper( the seats was just a excuse) to blow up again. He's trying to tell u something and u need to know now b 4 the wedding takes place.
2006-11-05 19:21:42 · answer #2 · answered by itspink22@sbcglobal.net 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Julie: Sounds like a clear-cut case of guessing at your motives for your comment about the seats. Sit him down and ask him why he is still angry with you. Cultivate a soothing, non-accusing voice tone and listen to what he is saying. Don't get protective as he tells you why he is angry and start in on him. Once he has had his say, you can explain to him what you meant by your comment and explain to him how YOU feel about his behaviour. In the event he is still angry, you have to evaluate whether or not you REALLY what to have a guy like him in your life both, short and long term. If it turns out that he does HATE you, make plans to evacuate the scene. Seldom do live-in couple's relationships lead into marriage and for those that do, those marriages seldom last. So; don't be surprised that he "hates" you. Just be glad you found out now rather than having children on the scene with this guy. Good luck to you !
2006-11-05 19:27:52 · answer #3 · answered by guraqt2me 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You have a very....very....inmature boyfriend. His self esteem will not let him hear how much fun you had....all he hears is you wish you had been closer to the stage.
You did nothing wrong. His self image is so poor that there is not much you could have said to make him believe that all was good for you. He may have very well wanted to get those front row seats for you but could not afford them. When you brought that up all he heard was disappointment that he didn't do that for you.
If he tells you he hates you over such a trivial thing you better move on. This guy has big problems. If you fight like this now what will it be like after marriage. Not good I can tell you.
If he tries to come back and make up be very careful what you do.
You should put any marriage plans on hold until you know what is going on with him.
You may be better off just moving on and finding someone who will not be threatened by you.
This is a big warning sign of what your future holds with him. Please pay attention.
2006-11-05 19:20:12 · answer #4 · answered by John B 5 · 1⤊ 1⤋
Obviously are some underlying issues here.
Does he use drugs? Could explain blow ups?
Sometimes ppl can do things we hate but doesn't mean we hate the person but can often sputter "I Hate You".
I think you both need to talk. Express your feelings to him like what you have said here.
Ask him what is bothering him Re: Blowing up at every opportunity for several weeks.
Is he under any sort of outside stress? If so, perhaps cut him some slack. If not, ask him to please explain.
Maybe when he called you a few hours later he was sorry but unable to express it in words.
I'd go slow and work on communication. It is really important to talk about your feelings with each other, especially if something is bothering you. After all you both have intended on marrying and all.
I'd get this one worked out A.S.A.P.
2006-11-05 19:15:24 · answer #5 · answered by opinionative_1 2 · 0⤊ 1⤋
It sounds to me as if something is bothering him. He may be having cold feet about marriage or it could be stress at work. People that feel as if they are under pressure to perform to a certain level of expectation often erupt with outbursts and say things that they don't really mean. Try taking him out on a date your treat this time. Do something special that you know can reach him with this deed is up to you. Then tell him how you feel let him know that you think he is doing a great job don't be critical of situations, and stick to positives. Weigh your words and don't just say what ever pops into your head he is very sensitive right now be sensitive to his needs. You love him or you wouldn't have said yes to his marriage proposal however, that's just the first step in the journey of the rest of your lives together. Be supportive and listen to him your going to have to learn to hear the things that he is afraid to say. You can do it the flame of your love has not gone out its still there learn to feed its flames fan the fire with your love and you will find a fire so bright even the stars must shield their eyes.
Love can't be spent the more you use it the more love you have. Good luck!
2006-11-05 19:25:09 · answer #6 · answered by shaolinrock 2 · 1⤊ 1⤋
Well, couple of questions, how long have you been engaged, and more importantly, what do you want to do? Sounds like something is going on, and I think it is time both of you sit down, have a discussion (not a talk) about how each of you feel about the relationship. Just remember, when you ask the question, you must be prepared to listen to whatever answer you receive. I would suggest before having this discussion, research the "Imago therapy" conversation practice, where each gets a chance to talk, and the other partner MUST only respond with, "I heard you". Be frank and honest, and see what happens...Good luck
2006-11-05 19:12:47 · answer #7 · answered by buddha bill 3 · 0⤊ 1⤋
I'm sure he was in the heat of the fight and said some things he didn't mean. do you always point out that you're happy w/ what you have, but the grass could always be a little more green? maybe you've made comments like this before and that's all he's hearing. sit him down and talk to him. Reassure him you love him and everything he does for you. This could just be a bump in the road. Good luck w/ him!
2006-11-05 19:11:30 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 1⤋
Ok. Well I can speak from experience on the guys end. I did the same things. The only reason I have for my actions was that I was always mad at myself. I don't think he really hates you, that just comes up sometimes. He's probablly stressed out and scared about getting married. Try suggesting counseling for both of you, you may not think you need it but everyone can use it. Deffinately do marriage counseling. I say this because I lost my wife. I can't even get her to do counseling with me. But I realizd after she left how bad I want her. Pray about it. It always helps.
2006-11-05 19:13:45 · answer #9 · answered by extremeradio2006 1 · 0⤊ 1⤋
He has blown this out of 'universal portions'. Is he always like this or was this a side you have never met? Two weeks to carry on about a thing of small value is silly. Ask yourself, " do you want to spend the rest of your life wondering if the next sentence you speak is going to set him off and treat you like this in the future"? Maybe you are seeing some true colors, that you needed to witness before the wedding! LIfe is" tuff enough", with out things like this! Go with your gut instinct!
2006-11-05 19:17:38 · answer #10 · answered by smplyme132 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
First off, no, guys never listen so forget that part. For "several weeks now"? Why are you still hanging around for this long? I think the moving out sounds good and you should count your lucky stars if he really does move on. the guy is a loose cannon
2006-11-05 19:13:12 · answer #11 · answered by Paco 1 · 2⤊ 0⤋