My fiance wants to wait until we are married before we have sex again. Is this normal, fair, etc.?

Question

I am 23 and my fiancé is 25, we currently live together, and have been for 2 years. We met in collage, and for a couple of years we had an amazing sex life. Since we have gotten engaged she does not want to do anything sexual AT ALL!! It is driving me crazy! Every time that I try to talk to her about it she gets defensive, and says she doesn't want to get pregnant before the wedding. She says that I always presure her. What about my feelings? She is no longer taking birth control, because she doesn't want to waste the money on it. I am afraid that if she is acting like this now, when we get married we may never have sex. There is 6-months left until the wedding, what is the best way to get through this?

Answer 1

Honor her request. 6 months isn't long, you won't die from abstaining.'

Answer 2

She is not being realistic. She spends 2 years with you, having intercourse, then after the engagement, is not even kissing, hugging, or masturbating with you ? That should be a red flag.

What are her reasons other than getting pregnant? Does she want to be chaste for her wedding night ? If there aren't any other reasons, then there are other options to keep from getting preggers.

You need to be the man of the house and take some of the control back. A few ideas :

1. Ask her to masturbate you. Criminy, that is the least that she can do after two years of sex.

2. If her excuse is that she doesn't want to "get pregnant before the wedding" why don't you suggest you use a condom. See where that goes. Also, a woman isn't fertile the entire month of her cycle, you both should be able to work out a time to have intercourse when she isn't likely to ovulate (like right after her period ends). Keep in mind that a woman may ovulate during a strong orgasm, so you may have to continue on with the condom use.

3. Tell her that you want to be chaste one month prior to the marriage, to make the wedding night special. See if she'll go for it.

4. As a last resort, tell her that you love her and that you want the relationship to last, but that she needs to loosen up or you may have to find the physical lovin' elsewhere. Does she want that ?

If she doesn't go for any of the above, consider how controlling she is being. That isn't going to change. You need to consider if you really want to stay with this woman. Does she love you or does she love the idea of having a wedding ?

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Answer 3

maybe she wants the sex on the wedding night to feel special? so she may want to wait so that she'll feel like a virgin kinda sorta in a way again. or at least so that the sex will be extremely passionate from all the waiting. did she mention why she doesn't wanna do anything sexual till the wedding? if not then talk to her about it. or maybe she just wants to look great in her dress on her wedding day, the most important day in a girls life!, and shes really afraid she may get pregnant and not look good if she doesn't stop having sex. don't let the no sex thing ruin your relationship. remember why you're marrying her. hopefully its not just for sex. just masturbate until then...
remember good things are worth waiting for.

Answer 4

It's going to be difficult if you are still living together, and still sleeping together, as you quite naturally want to continue what you've been doing, but she doesn't.
It isn't unusual for a girl to want to make sure she isn't pregnant at her wedding, and the best way to do that is to stop having sex.
Will it affect things after you are married? No. There will be no reason not to resume conjugal relations. She won't mind getting pregnant after she's married, but respect her wishes for now.
It will likely be easier for you if you sleep in separate beds from now until the wedding.
If it's any consolation, a guy can survive a six-month period of abstinence. Not so many years ago, the rule was NO sex before marriage, NO cohabitation before marriage. And millions of guys survived. You will too.

Answer 5

No worries, this is normal. Although six months might be too long to wait, but I believe her intention besides getting pregnant before the wedding would be wanting you to appreciate sex or making love with her after the wedding - as you have waited for 6 months. Many girls/ladies would love their boyfriend/fiance to wait and appreciate the session with them after they have waited for some time. I believe that you will love the session more after the wait.

If she didn't want to have sex with you during this period, you can ask her to do other sexual activies to satisfy you or to fulfil your needs. There are other ways to have sexual satisfaction rather than just making love.

Also, you can talk to her about this matter to know exactly why she didn't want to have sex with you, and respect her decision. You may not know that probably she is making surprises for you during the wedding night!

Answer 6

I know you don't want to hear this but she has a point... if she is off birth control and you guys don't use condoms she can become pregnant and that would suck if she is 6 mos pergo walking down the isle..... try to think of her feelings also..... start using condoms I know it will be difficult since you probably havn't for two years but if you really want to sleep with her tell her you will wear a condom... also let her know that being intimate is so special and youfeel so close to her, blah blah you know what to say... sex in a relationship is a big deal, but I do understand where she is coming from, so use a condom.... and all should be fine.

Answer 7

Getting pregnant just before a wedding would be aweful - and it may be that your girlfriend is trying to lose a few pounds for the wedding - which is hard to do on birth control.

Some couples havge a period of time before the wedding were they refrain from sex in order to make their wedding night a little more special.

Answer 8

I completely understand where you FI is coming from! I Won't have sex with my FI either. Luckily, he respects me enough to not question my decision. Think about it. The two of you have spent all this money to have this perfect day. She probably has her dress picked out. If she got pregnant she would have to get another one cuz she wouldn't fit in the original dress. She just wants everything to go perfectly. That's kinda hard to do waddling down the aisle! Not only that but she is probably doing the bulk of the planning. I doubt you realize how stressful this is. You have to stay in budget but still find and book the best you can afford. Sometimes just finding a vendor you like is hell! Just invest in a few magazines and some lube and deal with it yourself.

Answer 9

Condoms are effective forms of birth control. Buy some and put them in your bedside table drawer just in case you are able to change her mind.

Are you having money problems? Why is she worried about spending money on birth control? I think you may have a valid concern about lack of sex after you are married.

Perhaps you need to change your approach. Instead of asking her why she won't have sex, ask her to cuddle with you. Stop asking her questions, you already know the answers and just tell her how you feel. Tell her you are concerned about what your sex life will be after you get married. If you are willing to break up because of this then she needs to know that but be careful about how you tell her that.

Always use I statements instead of you statements. "I feel like....when we don't have sex" "I would like...." Avoid "You make me feel..." as if it were the plague. You statements will make her feel defensive. If she starts to get defensive, change the subject and try again another time.

Let her know how important this is to you and then let her decide what she is going to do. The big question in my mind is, Why the sudden change? Once you get that answer, you will understand what is going on.

Answer 10

wasting money on birth control? correct me if i'm wrong ladies but a lot of women are on birth control for reasons other than not getting pregnant! sheesh. just get used to the hand for awhile, you've been using it since you were 12 so 6 more mos. isn't gonna matter.

Answer 11

If you've waited this long and you're engaged, then wait until the honeymoon. Most people don't have the patience, personality, or interest to wait. If you made it this far then wait just a little longer.