would physical discipline be appropriate in this situation?

Question

i am not a fan of spanking children but i have 15y/o son that still throws tandrums while we're in public.he drops to the floor and starts kicking and screaming.and up until now me and my wife have always given in.however i have had it with him and im considering spanking him with a belt the next time he does this.the only thing im corcerned about is that he has never experienced physical discipline and i wonder if the experience could possibly do more harm then good.do u think physical discipline would be appropriate in our situation?

Answer 1

That's not discipline....that's pretty close to crossing the line to abuse. Discipline is about teaching the child.

I appologize if this sounds blunt, but I'm a bit shocked by your situation. You stated exactly what your problem is in your question when you said, "and up until now me and my wife have always given in." STOP giving in! He's 15 YEARS old and throwing tantrums????? Does he have a developmental disorder? Or have you and your wife really let him walk all over you for the past 15 years? It sounds to me like counseling is in order. Does he behave this way at school?

Ignore the behavior. If he can't act in a mature maner and be respectful and grateful for what he does have, start taking away privledges and possessions. Strip his room if you have to and make him earn it all back.

Answer 2

find a parenting class pronto....you need support and options. No, I would not spank him now if he never has been. There are lots of other things to do....like take him out of the public place and tell him he cannot do those fun things if he acts like this. Have you watched "the Nanny"? That show gives great ideas about this kind of problem. Have a place where you put him when he is naughty...."the naughty chair"....and don't let him get up until for a few minutes...then make him say he is sorry. Practice at home how he is going to act when he goes out. Give him a "privilege" when he does it right. Take one away if he does not do what you practiced. Make it very simple so that he will know how to act. Here are 2 sites that might help. You can do it!!

Answer 3

I agree with you, no spanking is the way to go. But maybe that's how her parents were with her? But as far as 13 months old, it's too young. Redirecting is the better way to go b/c it's in their young nature to be curious, they shouldn't be hurt for it. There is a difference between discipline and punishment. Discipline should teach the child the right thing to do, for instance if the child is throwing dinner off the high chair the response should be, " b/c you're throwing your food you are telling me you are done" and clean her up b/c she is finished, she acts this way not to be bad but b/c she's now bored. She wants to touch the plants b/c well they're cool, show her some plants she can touch and supervise her doing it, while talking to her about it and make it a learning experience. Just think about her age, and what's age appropriate. Parenting is hard. when parents have kids they aren't given a manual.... hope this helps

Answer 4

At fifteen I think you missed the boat. The reason he does this is that YOU give in. HE KNOWS this. Come on in a very few years you will unleash this individual on the world. He is a big boy... at least physically... WALK AWAY. If he wants to throw a temper tantrum just walk away and ignore him if he follows you leave the store. Get in the car and drive away. Probably I would bring him with you at this point. Consistency is important. You have consistantly let him know he rules you. I do not have a problem with corperal punishment when they are young (administered without anger) however this is a person that is almost an adult. It would be punishing him not discipline. There is a difference!
Start now (walk away) dont give in... perhaps you can turn it around chances are you will have a very confused and angry young man on your hands.

Answer 5

It is impossible for me to answer your question unbiasedly. I, like you, am not a fan of spanking. I think there are other methods of discipline that work, and my theory is: if you can choose an alternative to hitting (spanking is hitting) than why not?

I don't mean to be harsh here, however, you said yourself that you and your wife usually just give in. This is why your son is how he is. He has taught by you and your wife that he'll get what he wants by kicking and screaming. This is not good as he will not be able to do this in the real world in his future.

You are right to not put up with his behavior anymore. However, you and your wife need to seriously concider a different style of parenting. You and your wife have a lot of work to do in order to help your son.

It's tuff, but I'm sure you can do it!

Best of luck!

Answer 6

I hope that it isn't too late to teach your son respect. At 15 he shouldn't be throwing a tantrum like they are 5. You need to sit down as a family and discuss acceptable behaviors and consequences that will be followed! You have to be the bad guy. You are not supposed to be your kids best friends, that will not help them be responsible adults. And next time he throws a tantrum, let him. Walk off and don't give in. Eventually, he will become embarrassed by his childish behaviors.

How does he handle school? If he were to throw a tantrum in my class, I would be in a situation, where I wouldn't be able to control the comments of the other students. After 5th grade, sometimes sooner, adolescence kicks in and rumors, cliques and just plain meanness takes over. If your son is doing that at school, he is putting himself in a terrible position socially, which will scar him in the long run.

Good luck and if all else fails, seek help with a counselor.

Answer 7

15 yrs old??? Hhmm, does he have some emotional disability? If he's mentally challenged then I don't think giving him the belt will help. If you don't feel that's the case, then you need to seriously crack the whip. I don't know about the belt, but I'd start taking some huge privileges and maybe even some therapy? What have you don't so far to let him know that this behavior is ok? Giving in is the worse thing to do because you haven't made it clear to your son that behaving that way is not ok. Good luck. I can't even imagine how trying that would be.

Answer 8

I hope you meant 15 months old.....If he's 15 years old then just walk away from him and let him have his tantrum. Him getting embarassed in public would be a much more powerful deterrent. Tell him ahead of time that next time he does it, you're going to the car without him. Then follow through! No point in spanking a kid that age. Trying to control him is not as good as teaching him to control himself - spanking might make YOU feel better though (0=

Answer 9

I'm hoping you meant 15 month old and not year old.

Spanking with a belt is not spanking, it is whipping and it is ABUSE and it is illegal in many states.

I don't agree with physical discipliine at any time and for reason....but even those that do will agree that using a belt is way out of line.

If I EVER saw someone do that I'd call the cops!

You're child is going to be hit because you and your wife have failed to set boundaries up until now and follow through. You yourself said "up to now, ny wife and I have always given in."

Sounds like the failure is just as much you as him...so no physical discipline is not appropriate....unless you were planning to let someone who is bigger and has all the power whip you and your wife too.

STOP GIVING IN!!!!!!! JUST STOP!!!!! Leave the store and go home. Do it everytime he pulls this stuff...it will take patience on your part and will be difficult sometimes.......and try not to take him places until he can learn to behave...do small trips and praise him when he is good.

Don't take him when he is tired or hungry...and reward good behavior.

If you really meant 15 years, he should be evaluated for mental delays.

Your only concern with taking a belt to your child is that he has never experienced it before??????

Good Heavens! You're going to meet his frustration and inappropriate behaviore with your frustration and physical violence??????

Answer 10

He obviouly has always gotten his way by throwing tantrums (you have waited quite a long time to address this problem). So now instead of spanking him you should ignore him completely and tell him (later when he is through) that tantrums will get him nowhere from now on.

It might take a while but he should be old enough to understand eventually.