Problem...what can I do?

Question

I feel like im pushed away. Everytime I try to say somthing about how I feel to my mom she makes it into somthing else. Whenever I get to tell her somthing and tell her not to tell I hear her telling all her friends. I feel like I have nowone to talk to and my mom's boyfriend is a controlling man. What can I do? I want to be somewhere I can talk to somone and not have everyone talking about it. Im sad and my mom is telling me not to tell about what happens in our house. She seems to expect me to hold it inside. I want to be with somone I trust but I can't find anyone. All I have are my friends that don't say anything about my problems to others. Any ideas on what I can do?

Answer 1

I think you should seek professional help. I´ve had it for some years and it is wonderful. They are there to help YOU and not tell anybody.

Answer 2

Hello there Cecilia. There could be any number of reasons that your Mom may not be able to speak with you in a helpful way. But you can try a couple of different approaches. First, (and this may sound kind of preachy, but don't worry there are several other options) you can make sure that there are no misunderstandings and very clearly and directly (in a positive, upbeat manner) say to your Mom that you really need her help and you insist that she keep your conversations in confidence. Make sure if you choose to do this that you bring up the subject when both you and she are in a relatively good mood. Also make sure that you are actually willing to hear her response. This does not necessarily mean that you have to agree with everything she says, but you need to be willing to stop and carefully think about what she says to you before you actually say anything. You should at least take the time to listen to her response with an open, positive mind, there is a much smaller chance that the conversation will break down into a competative "I'm right" - "No, I'm right" no win arguement. A way to start the conversation might be to say: "Mom (moma, whatever) I need your help, do you have time to think about it and talk with me?" Be clear about what you need. Sometimes it is a matter of making the person you need to realize that the issue cannot be put off or set aside. Put the ball clearly in her court to decide if she is going to deal with you in a direct manner.

Now with that said, the direct approach is not always possible. This can be the case when there is on going hostility or fear between the two of you. A direct approach even with the most pleasant attitude may provoke more hostility and that won't help either of you.

Another possibility is that she is literally unable to work with you in a positive manner right now. She may be under stress that does not allow her to function well. Or she may be afraid that she cannot live up to expectations all around and as a result, she will do whatever to avoid showing you her insecurities. That is often the reason why parents will not engage in a deeper exchange with their children. If she is talking to other people closer to her peer group about your situations, this may very likely be the case. And it is unlikely that she will keep your discussions in confidence (privacy).

If you think that these last two examples are near your situation, then you probably need to find someone else to speak with until your Mom is in better shape to give you what you need. Professional help is nice if you know who to talk to and have the resources (money to pay). Never-the-less, someone else may also be able to give you advice on how to work on not only your problems, but also with ways to interact with your mom so that you can work better together. One place you can call to talk or get referrals of who you can talk with in your area is to call:
Boys Town Crisis Line: 800-448-3000.
They are free and they can talk to you directly for short periods of time. They can also help you decide what other options you have near you that might also help.

Remember, you always have more time than you think to resolve difficult issues with family and friends. And you always have other options! It is a matter of giving yourself the time and patience to find them. Don't give up!

I hope this helps Cecilia. Take care.

Rann

Answer 3

Well you could talk to a therapist, a counselor at school, or a friend or adult you're really close to and trust really well. Do you have an older sister or family member you could talk to? That would work because they would also know how you're mom is and have a similar outlook on the problem and they would understand. Try keeping a journal to get out your feelings. That's not right of your mom to go telling your secrets to all your friends. you could always e-mail me or talk to her. but I've noticed that parents, no matter how good or bad they are at parenting,sometimes they have this thing where they wanna be perfect and always be right. A lot of parents are really good. My parents are great except I wish they would understand my point of view better and that they don't have to always be right and I'm okay w/ that cuz no one's perfect. You just have to hang in there and hope she understands soon. Maybe try to show her how her boyfriend really is, which may or may not work depending on how much she likes/loves him. But remember to have the best attitude possible and do right on your part and w/ what you can control. Pray about it and wait for God to work it out cuz He always does. I hope everything works out for you. feel free to e-mail me. good luck=)

Answer 4

Talk to your school counselor. That is what they are there for and maybe they can help ya. They aren't allowed to tell anything you tell them unless you are in danger. Then the can contact social services and maybe get you into a better environment. It sounds like you need to talk to someone about whats going on dont leave it bottled up or it will just make your life miserable. Maybe a friends mom or grandparent can help. Good Luck.