Did we do the right thing?

Question

Ok here is the story I have 2 boys ages 3 and 5. me and hubby know this one guy that is a transsexual. Well we told him that we did not want him around the boys if he is in dress(he comes over after they are asleep) because of teachers, parents, and peers' questions and that we feel it is not appropriate for children that young to be exposed to things like that yet. Well "x" is trying to pursude me and hubby to change our minds and we feel that if he can's accept our desicion that he should just not come over at all. Is that kinda harsh? I have been supportive in his desicion but why can he not accept ours?

Here's more detials for some. We have known this guy for about 6 years (hubby longer) he just started his transition the past couple of months so my boys have seen and interacted with him as a male. I am not condoning his lifestyle, that's his cookie not mine. I just don't feel like I should have my kids exposed to that. We don't even watch the news or tv unless it's G- rated. My 5 year old is learning about the outside world now which is fine I encourage it but I don't think issues such as this should be brought into their home. I know many gays and lesbians even a few cross dressers but they understand that when it comes to my kids they visit on my terms.

Answer 1

I would tell him not to come over at all. You are right. I want to write more but you said it all.

Answer 2

Of course you did the right thing! The problem is not whether or not you approve of this guy's decision, but what you think is best for your life and your family life. It's no different than if the guy was a smoker trying to smoke in a non-smoking home! You set the standards for what goes on in your own home ... you have that right. It's really disrespectful for "x" to even attempt to change your minds on this. He is not showing you the same respect that you showed him! Ask him how he would feel if you constantly harassed him about cross-dressing, period. It would not kill him to dress in clothes that you feel are appropriate when he's around your children. If he works, I'm 100% certain that he does not pester his boss about the guidelines set down at work. If you were to visit his place with your children it would be different ... and if he's a good friend he will understand. If not ... you need to ask yourself if his feelings are worth setting aside your standards. You might change your minds in the future, but for now YOUR HOME IS YOUR CASTLE ... and you have EVERY right to feel safe, secure AND comfortable in your home.

Answer 3

well your sons are very young...i have been around people like that all my life..and i think its good and bad..because it gives you an open mind at a young age and you know you're sons won't be likely to engage in "gay bashing" BUT it can also effect them in ways that would make them want to become that way... well the 3 year old isn't paying any attention..to him..that guys a girl when he comes over and if he dresses like a guy..he's a guy...he's THREE and could care less...now the 5 year old...you can explain too...explain it generally not in detail!!! don't scare the child..lmao...you can explain it to him in a serious setting and then get his point of view on it...see how he feels and then go from there!!! one other thing...about a year ago i remember scientists were trying to figure whether or not being gay is hereditary. (they still are) and it seems like its leaning toward the hereditary side....all gays have one thing in common that straight people don't..and its something found on chromosome X-28...(if i remember right it was 28) and chromosome X-28 us given off by the female.....oh well...and as for the teachers, parents, and peers...you can take in they're POV's but its ultimately the decision of you and your husband...just talk it out with you're children and see where it takes you!!!
good luck!

Answer 4

First off, this was not really a decision on the part of your transgendered friend. She was born this way and likely now has finally found the courage to become who she is. Her transition has nothing to do with anything X rated or explicitly sexual in nature. It is not something evil that will taint your children.
Kids are amazingly openminded, and tolerance is best taught at a young age. Banning this person from your home is akin to banning a person who is a different race or religion than you from your home. Your kids will likely be more confused by the fact that they suddenly cannot see this person anymore than they are by her transition.
God forbid one of your children turns out to be gay or transgendered (and no you can't do anything now to prevent it). If so he or she may well look make on this and remember when mom and dad kicked out the transsexual.
I truly hope you rethink your actions.

Answer 5

Yes, I believe you did the right thing. If your friend can't accept and respect your stance on what is and isn't appropriate for your children, than he's not a true friend. If he can't respect your wishes and requests in regards to who enters and what takes place in your own home...than he isn't welcome in your home...plain and simple...your children and their upbringing, outside influences (again, especially at such young ages), and overall well being are your priority.

I agree that exposing your children to that type of exposure is inappropriate, and honestly....unhealthy, and as parents you are responsible for the health and well-being of your children...until they are of "legal age", 18. Even after that...you will always be their parent and want to protect, guide, and do what is best for them...that's what a parent does.

Answer 6

I just LOVE hearing parents like you! It really makes my heart warm to hear good parenting for once! I admire you and your husband (and think MANY people should take lessons on parenting from you).

I think it is great that you monitor what your children do and see in their lives. You are their parents and that's your job. I'm not really sure what I would do in your situation. I have a couple of thoughts on it though:

*your friend should accept your decision. You are the parents and you have to do what you think is right for you children.

*Your children could be confused if they see him dressing as a woman when they've known him as a man

*(here's where it gets tricky) You could use it as a learning opportunity for your children. You could use this guy as a way to teach and show diversity to your children. It sounds to me that you and your husband are not judgmental people, which is great! This would be a good opportunity to teach your children to be nice, good people too.

But, it all boils down to your decision. You are the only one who can decide if it is the right thing, because you are the only one who knows your children.

Answer 7

I think to really decide what to do depends on weather your friend is planning to live his life as a female, at least in appearance, or if this is something he does occassionally, away from work, etc.

If he is planning to live primarily as a female, then you need to intorduce that to your children now. They will adjust easily and will save them from confusion if they see this man in other places outside of your home as they get older. If this is something he does for fun, or is only doing during certain parts of his life, than you can certainly ask he come to the boys in the way they have known him..again to prevent confusion when he appears differently from time to time.

In the end, you ar ethe ones who must decide what is right for your children to be expsosed to and when. Sit down with your friend and talkw ith him about your concerns, about why you worry for the boys. If he cares for them, he should see why you are asking him this. But cutting him out of your lives completely, especially since he and your husband have been friends, is something to do only if you feel there is no other option. That sore of action tends to be unrepairable later on and can lead to feelings of resentment from your husband later on.

Answer 8

Kids, especially young ones are very accepting of new things. They themselves are new.
Kids are used to learning new things, BIG new things. What a revelation it is to find out how gravity works...if a kid can handle such important things, they can handle people of all genders.

If they haven't seen this person in male dress, and they see him/her for the first time in female dress, they will simple assume that s/he is a woman...maybe with a deep voice.

Hope that helps.

Answer 9

You're doing the right thing. You have to put your kids first. They are exposed to lots of things throughout their lives, but why let it come into the home? My sister-in-law is a lesbian, and one day she took her girl-friend over to my brother-in-laws house and they were all over each other, right in front of my nephews. My brother-in-law asked them to leave and the two lesbians got mad. But I feel like my brother-in-law did the right thing, he has the right to decide what his kids are exposed to. And for the record, he would have asked her to leave if it was a guy she had with her and they were all over each other like that too. I've always been supportive of my sister-in-law and have never tried to change who she is, but I don't want her making out with anyone, be it a female or a male, in front of my daughter or my nephews.

Answer 10

I think you're right.. I'm not a parent but seeing someone a child knows is a 'boy' dressed as a 'girl' would be confusing. Also, although it's wrong of them, your neighbors might treat you and your children differently if they see that. Again, I think that for them to do that is very wrong, but it will hurt the children if they do. It isn't like you've forbidden him to visit, you've just asked him to wear neutral clothing, which doesn't seem very hard to do to me.

Answer 11

Stick to your decision-kids have enough adjustments and problems to cope with without this extremely complicated issue clouding their lives-I'm gay but I wouldn't allow that issue into my young child's mind-it night affect his own judgment of his own identity in a negative way.
Tell your friend your priorities belong to the welfare of your children first and you will not risk any kind of negative impact on the children's impressionable minds for him or anyone-nothing personal to him and best of luck but your mind is made up. It's true-you are in charge of your children's every aspect-you have to make the right choices and you don't need to feel bad about it-Good Luck!