My gf was molested by one of my closest friends. I ditched him but She went for a while where she didn't want anyone(even family) near her. Now she is a little bit more understanding that we want to help. When she cries, she leans on my shoulder and I want to put my arms around her. when I do, she stays for a sec and then pulls away. She says it reminds her of what happened. What can I do?? She says she feels horrible cuz she knows Im trying to help but she doesn't want me to be wanting out but feel like I can't. She always is saying I could find someone else but I don't cuz I love her. I know she doesn't want to report it or see a counsler cuz they will put her in a hospital cuz she's 5'1 and like 90lbs. What can I do to change how she view human touch? Is she mad at me cuz I was at the place but didn't know? Could you maybe explain why she is so standoff-ish? Will she ever be normal again? She used to love to be held and touched but now it makes her scared. Can I do anything to help?
2006-11-05 08:16:59 · 14 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
Does she think I am going to hurt her?? If so why??
2006-11-05 08:17:35 · update #1
She thinks I blame her for it. Why? Also she is a gymnast so she has to stay thin for season cuz she has to loose her period(or so her coach says) How long b4 she likes to be held or touched??
2006-11-05 08:23:47 · update #2
I hate seeing her like this. What sould I do when she talks about it??
2006-11-05 08:24:58 · update #3
She needs professional help. This will scar her. But, through counseling she can learn to move on and deal with it. In continuing to allow this to affect her she is allowing herself to remain his victim. You are not equipped to help her overcome this. The best thing you can do is pursued her to seek professional help.
2006-11-05 08:25:35 · answer #1 · answered by heyitsmedarra 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Hmmm...this is a very serious situation. It's too bad she can't see a couselor cuz it would help her very much. It might even make her normal again. Try to persuade her to see one. It's the first thing you can possibly do. But you can't force her or change her on your own. I'm glad you're trying to help. When she cries on your shoulder, what happens if you don't hug her? Perhaps, just stay away from hugging. Try to speak to her instead. Right after counseling, she needs to take her mind off it. Call a couple of her girlfriends and all go to the mall or the fair or amusement park. Anywhere that'll cheer her up.
But you can't blame her. This behavior is normal. Consider this: a lot of people who are scared of dogs are scared because they had a bad experience with dogs when they were little. This is one of those traumas. That's why she's so standoff-ish, as you call it. She's extremely freaked out, give her space.
I'm sorry that I couldn't be of furthur help, but I hope this was enough. But your concern is very considerate.
I wish you and your gf the very best. Good luck.
2006-11-05 16:32:37 · answer #2 · answered by heyheyhey 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sweetie, she was just molested. She's in a very depressed state right now and may either feel like in some way she deserved it or she may feel dirty and useless. She seems to acknowledge the fact that you are trying to help her and she seems to appreciate you. Just give her time and stay at her side. Give her your support and let her know that you love her. She may feel that she is in some way not good enough for you because of what happened. I highly doubt that she believes it is your fault, since a majority of women who are molested feel they have brought the assault on themselves. Being there for her and letting her know you love her and will do everything in your power to help her is probably all she needs.
Also, although she may be hesitant to, I recommend she report the guy that assaulted her. I know it's hard to come forward, but if she does she may be able to help others that guy might touch. Also, it will be a way for her to release her anxiety about what happened. It will be a sort of closure. Healing from molestation takes a long time and if she is opposed to reporting him, don't push her. It is her decision and she will have to be the one to decide what path she will take. In addition, 5'1 and 90 lbs is not that bad; they will not hospitalize her. My mother is 5'0 and weighs 92 lbs. She's skinny, yes. But not to the point of hospitalization. I wish you two only the best. Give her time and reassurance. Even if she may not be able to show it, she will love you for it.
2006-11-05 16:26:39 · answer #3 · answered by lilazngurly53146 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
She has to talk to either a counselor or the police. She is pulling away form you because now she has trust issues. I think that YOU need to be a little more understanding that what she went through was traumatic to her. Right now human touch does nothing but remind her of what happened. She has to tell her parents, relative, or any adult friend. She needs help, soon. She is withdrawing from her friends. That is a signal. Maybe he did more than molest her, rape possibly? He needs to be punished for this no matter what anybody says. If he has done this once, he will do it again. If your friend doesn't tell someone, then you tell someone. Confide in your Mom, ask for advice. Your friend cannot keep on going on like this. Please do not delay!
2006-11-05 16:31:41 · answer #4 · answered by looloo1122 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
She needs to report what happened. As well-intentioned as you are (and you sound wonderful), she needs more help than you are going to be able to give her. She needs professional help, and she needs it now.
The person responsible for molesting her needs to be made accountable for his actions. She needs to seek medical attention to treat her "physical" injuries. But only a professional counselor or therapist is going to be able to help her "psychological" ones.
Just "be there" for her, she will "heal" in her own time. With some counselling and treatment, she will hopefully be "back to normal" soon. I think with treatment she has a good chance of recovering from what happened. Untreated, she may never get over it.
I wish you both all the best, my prayers are with you.
2006-11-05 16:28:28 · answer #5 · answered by Mugsy's Place 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
no one would put her in a hospital because she is a small person. the worst that could happen is that she would go to a rehab center where people would work with her and help her recover, and that would be the best for her. she should tell her parents. nothing is better than that. you need to reassure that none of it was her fault. she probably feels guilt about it b/c she thinks it was her fault. you can help by talking to an adult. you dont need to talk to a counselor. go to a parent. or a police officer. anyone would be willing to help.
2006-11-05 16:21:29 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Try talking to her, have a nice long talk. Assure her that she isn't going to get hurt by you, and that, that won't happen again- hopefully. If the talk doesn't work, then I agree... she needs to go to a therapist or professional help. Unless she let's someone else get that close to her, it shouldn't happen again. But, no one knows these days... the world is getting more dangerous everyday. >.>
And when she talks about it... listen to her. Try to give her the best advice you can... and if your crappy at advice-- talk to her parents... see what advice they have and give that to her the NEXT time she talks about it.
2006-11-05 16:23:25 · answer #7 · answered by WeDnEsDaY 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
it never happened to me but I dont think she is scared of you, i think it is just being reminded of the things that happened. If you truly love her just be there for her and dont be offended when she asks you to back away. I know it does not seem fait that you did nothing but try to be there for her but she pushes you away. She redlly needs to report this before he does the same to other girls. If you think she is too thn masybe she does need help for that too. As lot of girls have eating disorders that cause death.
2006-11-05 16:24:37 · answer #8 · answered by sweetsal 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
the best way 2 help her is probably show her ur sensitive side and tell her that ur not like ur friend
it was stupid 4 him 2 do that and thatz y u arent his friend anymore
and most importantly take ur time she had sufferd enough u should ask her if shes ok
talk 2 her
one day sit her down and talk about it
2006-11-05 16:26:50 · answer #9 · answered by mariana 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Unfortunately, you can't help her. She need professional help. But you can offer to go to counseling with her...to show how much she means to you, how much you love her, how supportive you are. Molestation is so hard to get over and it sounds like it's still to raw for her to overcome. Time does heal...and patience with her at this time will help. Good Luck
2006-11-05 16:21:06 · answer #10 · answered by SoCalBeachGal 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋