After my boyfriend came back from a week-long trip, and we hadn't had sex in weeks, and I was so excited to see him. For at least the past 6 months I had a pretty low libido, and rarely initiated kissing, foreplay, sex, or being intimate. Now I feel almost like I did when we first started dating, sexually aroused when I see him, initiating sex, making out and enjoying it. The problem is, he told me yesterday he likes sex better when I give in and don't want to do it, more than he likes having sex with me pouncing on him the second we're alone and actually enjoying it. I thought guys liked it when the girl takes initiative once in awhile, what's going on? How are we both supposed to enjoy sex if he likes it when I don't, and he isn't turned on as much when I really want it? I love enjoying sex, but now that I know he doesn't enjoy it as much, I feel very frustrated and stupid. Help!
2006-11-05 07:31:59 · 19 answers · asked by greenlife 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
Strange, but not unbelievable. Some people, men and women, are turned on by the idea of being in control. When he talks you into sex and you're more submissive, he is dominant. There are some things to consider here though.
Many times this kind of sexual conduct represents insecurities in other areas of a person's life. I'm seeing two scenarios here. First, he may feel out of control in other areas. Maybe you're a bit overbearing? There's nothing wrong with being a strong woman, but make sure you're not calling all the shots in the relationship. Divide responsibilities so each of you has a domain and an equal say in how things go.
A darker side is that he may have confidence and security issues. If he feels generally insecure, he could be using the bedroom to make himself feel strong (kinda the same way kids make fun of each other to make themselves feel better). If htis is the case, I'd keep an eye on how your relationship progresses, because he may try to assert his control over you in other areas to keep proving his dominance. This could (I'm not saying will, I'm just saying possibly) evolve into abusive behaviour.
Now, if you guys have a completely healthy relationship otherwise, where both of you share equal control, maybe he just has some strange sexual quarks. Nothing wrong with that really. :) He may not know other ways to embrace his controlling tendancies in bed other than asking you when you don't want it. You could try getting into it and acting out the things he likes, while still keeping it interesting for both of you. If he likes control, give him some control. You can initiate sex, but still be submissive. Asking and begging when you want him are ways to intitaite but still give him that sense of control. Ummmmmm I dunno if I can go into much detail here about other stuff, but I'm sure you get the idea. :P
2006-11-05 08:38:22 · answer #1 · answered by Charade 3 · 1⤊ 1⤋
First off it is not healthy that he wants you to "give in and not want to do it", that is a red flag for some phycolodical issues.
Second have you considered the possibility that he may have been unfaithful on his trip and this is what could be causing the behavior change?
I don't think I have ever heard of a man not wanting his significant other to take initiave. It it is my husbands dream!
You shouldn't feel stupid, it isn't your fault. Sit him down and talk to him about what is causing the recent change in way he views sex. Something is very, very wrong with this picture and you need to sit down and explore the possiblities ASAP, before this turns into something more horribly wrong, than an off whim.
2006-11-05 15:38:32 · answer #2 · answered by Amber 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
The problem is that you're sexually incompatible. There's no right or wrong here. Not all guys and/or girls have the same sexual appetite. That's why some people cheat. You have to do what's right for you both. If this is going to be a deal breaker, you'd better consider finding someone else who's more into what you're into. Trust me, it's no fun living with someone who's not on the same page as you.
2006-11-05 15:36:30 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
It's your boyfriend that has the problem, I'm a guy and would love for my girl to be like you. To me ,it's much more exciting when my girl takes over. I would like for her to go wild on me more often= like every time would be nice. What a turn on "WOW"!!
2006-11-05 15:47:44 · answer #4 · answered by redbass 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
You are right, guys do like it when a woman takes the initiative to try to turn him on, he's just screwed up
2006-11-05 15:40:24 · answer #5 · answered by Joe 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
He needs to get over his control issue and that is all it is CONTROL he needs to learn to share it. I mean who wants to be with someone that has to have all the control in that situation. Talk to him and tell him how you feel and see his reaction... Tell him that it hurts your feelings when he rejects your advances and that you want to be able to get him all excited in your way not just his, if he can't understand that then dump him he is not worth it, and find someone that is normal and likes to have fun.
2006-11-05 15:41:56 · answer #6 · answered by melissa052572 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Control issues???
A woman occasionally initiating definitely makes MY socks roll up and down!
2006-11-05 15:35:59 · answer #7 · answered by WindWalker10 5 · 0⤊ 1⤋
it almost sounds like his idea of sex is turning abusive. sex is something you both should enjoy and if he doesn't understand that then he is very selfish.
2006-11-05 15:39:08 · answer #8 · answered by Zombie 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I don't know what HIS problem is, but I'd say get someone who will want to do everything he possibly could to make his girl happy such as Kevin B., from Bville, (me). I just know that if I was with you, I'd give you everything I had- and I'm telling the truth. Also, I'm single!
2006-11-05 15:36:04 · answer #9 · answered by Kevin B 2 · 0⤊ 2⤋
sounds like you got a nut case on your hands there, what you really want is a healthy relationship. perhaps you can play like you dont like it? either that or get a new man who likes having a healthy sex life.
2006-11-05 15:35:55 · answer #10 · answered by n4il_p0lish2000 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋