What do we, as a family, do with an alcoholic mother? I have a 3-year old daughter.?

Question

I am 34 and my 3 year old daughter and I live w/my parents. My mother is an alcoholic. She has been to a detox place three times and has tried AA. After about a month she falls back into her old ways. Sometimes not as bad though. When she is drunk she nags and annoys everyone. I don't want my daughter around her because I think it is confusing for her. I know that the baby knows something is wrong with her. My daughter found her passed out on the floor bleeding all over. I thought that would be "rock bottom" for her. It wasn't. She has fallen before because of being drunk. Recently she woke up outside after falling and hitting her head. I am afraid to leave her home alone. What if she dies. My father travels a lot and everytime I say I am not staying home with her but I'm afraid she'll kill herself from falling or something. She lies constantly about it. I think that it's pretty selfish of her to have the entire family's life revolve around her bottle of Vodka that can never be found

Answer 1

this is a sad situation,,, whats so bad is the involvement of your daughter,,, how can you allow her to be around it??? you have a choice, your daughter don't! get her out of the house and away from your mother, this is something she will remember for the rest of her life, and i know the consequences later in life... my father was a Alcoholic and as a child felt helpless as I'm sure your daughter does ,even at the age of 3 she will become affected by your moms behavior,, the drama here isn't your moms drinking but your daughters safety>>> please find a new home ,,, you've done all you can to help your mom, now help your daughter

Answer 2

Your mother IS selfish and it is not a suitable environment for your daughter. Look, if you really care about both your mother and daughter, you'll move out. Your mother has you there to pick up the pieces when she goes off the rails. Get yourself out of the picture and she won't be able to you to rely on.
The worst thing you can do for an alchoholic is to be there all the time for them. When she has to look after herself, she will not get herself so drunk that she falls over. You can't be held responsible for your mother's actions.
Your responsibility is to your daughter. Do you want her to grow up thinking how her gran lives is normal. She could develop into the same pattern. How would you feel if your daughter found your mother's vodka and started drinking?? Maybe not now but in her teens, or sooner. Think about it.

Answer 3

well the best thing to do is keep on trying to get help. And if you feel you have to take some to just talk to her about her situation, leave your daughter with your father for a while, and you leave with your mother to get counseling because right now she needs your support. If matters are still not resolved the best thing would be to get your daughter and leave. You cant raise a child in those situations. You might care a lot for your mother, but it takes her part of the effort to change and if she doesn't there is no possible way that you can help.

Answer 4

Get your kids out of the house. You may only be thinking about their physical wellfare, but as someone who grew up with an alcoholic parent, I guarentee you, it teaches kids that there is no such thing as continuity, security, and trust. An alcoholic's world is a schizophrenic world - all over the map irrationally. Your kids will not understand why their grandmother is angry and will assume it is something they did or something wrong with them. You can tell them otherwise, but it'll still stick deep inside. It'll also put them in the place of assuming caretaker responsibilities when in reality they are the children who need the care. (You're giving them the same role you most likely took on, and it's one that can last a life time.)

As someone else pointed out, by sticking around to pick up the pieces, you are enabling your mom to continue to drink. It's not a healthy situation and you cannot fix it. You can, however, care for you kids and give them a loving stable home... only that means living elsewhere.

Answer 5

At 34 years old with a small daughter it is irresponsible for you to be staying with your mother. Thats just number one. Two you are putting your daughter in danger and enabling your mother to keep drinking. She needs to take responsibility for her own behavior and as long as someone is around to pick up the pieces she won't do that. She is not taking her recovery seriously, move out before your daughter gets hurt. Not too mention how it is effecting your childs mental health to see her like that.

Answer 6

The term in AA used to describe you and your daughter is hostage. You are staying around because you are afraid that something might happen to your mother, but what if something happens to your daughter? My advice would be for you to move out. You can't stay with your mom in hopes that you will be able to protect her. And if she is still not sober yet, she must not want it. The best thing you can do is get your daughter out of that environment and keep praying that one day your mom will finally see the light.

Answer 7

treat her like a 3 year old and nag her back dump all booze on her and scare her that she killed your daughter with her drinking cause if you stay there she just might and then what are you going to be happy then????!!!!!! grow up and get out let your father deal with it it is his wife and not your daughter. you have a daughter to raise try actually worrying about her properly and make sure she has what she needs for a good life. start taking care of your daughter first

Answer 8

genuinely no longer. What if she gets into an twist of destiny? Who could have the capacity to sign off on scientific/wellness midsection varieties and who might make the mandatory judgements. and likewise, because of the fact she remains a minor, she must be preyed upon via adults as quickly as they understand she is on my own and susceptible. If this is interior the united states or in Canada, touch the police branch. the toddler would be taken into care and the mummy and dad charged with toddler abandonment and ignore upon their return. they could even lose custody of their toddler. If this is interior the united kingdom, then CPS is sturdy and there is no longer something which may be achieved. In my humble opinion, the two mum and dad ought to lose custody of this female and that i'm hoping that they do. Take care.

Answer 9

I like what "Flashy" said. Also know your mother has a disease...it's not that she is intentionally trying to hurt you or your daughter or father. But be that as it may, if she's unwilling to recognize her problem, there is NOTHING that can be done for her. The key to getting help with anything is to first have an awareness and acknowledgment that you have a problem and that you need help. It doesn't sound like your mother is there....yet. Your fears are certainly valid, and I empathize with you. It must break your heart to live in fear of your mother dying or seriously injuring herself and/or others. But below that fear is more than likely anger. It's very normal to feel intense anger toward your mother. But in a "nutshell"...get out. You're living in a toxic environment...toxic to you, toxic to your daughter. You are not responsible for your mother. You ARE responsible for your child's well-being.

Answer 10

Have all of your family sit down and tell her honestly how you all feel. (its called an intervention) also have the 3 yr old make her a card of a craft telling her how mush she needs her around how scared she was when she found her like that. Offer her help peferebly in a facility a few miles away. It may seem like a soap opera set at 1st but things will come around.