Is it selfish to put your child up for adoption if you are an unwed mother?

Question

My mother thinks so...i think opposite...what is the prevailing thought out there?

WOW! I didn't think this question would garnish all the interest it did...but to set your minds at ease, no I am not pregnant...but the conversation came up, and I told my mom that if I were to get pregnant for some reason NOW..i would give it up, because the environment that I am in now would punish the CHILD instead of me for being fatherless....it happened to me even though my parents were married and later divorced...people made many comments to try to hurt me, saying that I was somehow flawed or in want because I had no father...like HE*^ I would want that to happen to my child.

Answer 1

Giving a child up for adoption is absolutely the opposite of selfish. I really don't think that being an unwed mother has anything to do with it- if that is the only reason for doing it, I would sit down and re-think the decision.
There are so many resources available for young women who are considering adoption. Adoption agencies should offer counseling and descision assistance to a potential birth mother.
I gave my first child up for adoption when I was a teenager. The adoption agency I went through was called New Hope Family and Child Agency. I don't know if they have offices around the country, but my counselor was amazing. She met with me once a week, and had me do "homework". I did things such as weighning the pros and cons, listing my reasons, I had to learn the stages of grief and wrote a plan to deal with my grief.
I gave my daughter a better life, I won't go into the specifics, but her father was not in the picture, and I was still in high school.
OPen adoptions are very available these days. If a woman chooses adoption for her child, she can see pictures, talk to the adoptive family, and even have visitation if she and the family communicate that it's what they want and agree.

Giving a child up for adoption is just that- a gift. If it is not possible for a woman to give her child the kind of life she wants her child to have, it is mature and responsible to consider adoption.
It's not an easy thing to carry a child for 9 months, and then hold that child and know that you won't see her grow up, except for in pictures. It is the ultimate act of love to hand that child to a family that can give her a life you never could.
It's not selfish AT ALL!!!!

Answer 2

Why you are putting your child up for adoption? That is the question.

If you know that you cannot offer your child a happy, healthy, safe and loving environment to live in and if you think you will resent keeping the child then, in my opinion, you are not being selfish.

On the other hand if you are just going down the adoption road because you are a single/unwed mother then your mother could be right in thinking you are selfish. There are many single parents who provide their child/children with a good, loving and well rounded environment.

There is a good chance that the child will want to find their birth parents and you need to consider how you will feel and deal with the situation when or if that happens.

What ever you decide make sure the decision is one that you can live with.

Answer 3

No, I don't think it's selfish to put a child up for adoption as long as the motive is a better life for the child and NOT freedom from consequences for the mother. If an unwed mother doesn't feel as though she could provide the basic necessities for a child and a loving, safe home environment, then adoption is probably the best route for the child.

Selfishness comes in when a mother gives a child up because she doesn't WANT to provide a loving home and the necesities for a child. If she'd rather party and do her own thing than see to the needs of a child she helped create, then that IS selfish. But God can help a person overcome any sinful attitude, selfishness included.

I agree that abortion is never, ever an appropriate solution for such a situation. It's just as much murder as if someone were to walk up to some stranger and shoot them. There are so many families that would like to adopt a child. It is a self-deception to believe the propaganda that is put out--"It's just a mass of tissue, the 'products of conception'...". Ask any doctor just what the so-called "products of conception" are... and they will tell you an embryo. A baby in the earliest stage of development, in other words. A baby--a human being. An innocent human being that does not deserve to suffer for the poor choices of another person. I have one child and my husband and I were blown away by the baby from the minute we found out I was pregnant. Watching the baby grow via ultrasound, hearing the heartbeat at the monthly appointments, feeling him move, holding him immediately after the birth--it's all so precious. When I was a teenager, I used to be "pro-choice" but when I got older and considered the moral issues involved, I realized it was wrong--abortion is the ultimate act of selfishness. It's not a wrong only done to a woman's own body--but to her spirit, as well as another human being. And when I went though a pregnancy and finally held a baby of my own, it was just inconceivable that someone would actually abort a child. Totally inconceivable.

Unwed motherhood is hard, yes. But to some extent it is what the lady makes of it. If she takes it as a chance to turn her life around, grow up a little and take her responsibilities seriously, it can be a great blessing to her and those who know her.

Something that has helped me through some difficult times in my life--there is a Bible verse that says "I can do all things in Christ who strengthens me". God is always willing to give us a second chance if we come to Him with a sincerely repentant heart, willing to do the right thing from here on out. No sin is too great to be forgiven by God. Those of us who choose to accept Jesus as savior, repent of our sins, and begin going down the right road in our life--God will always be there with us to bear our burdens. There is a phrase that is somewhat cliché, but true and relevant, nonetheless: If God brings you to it, He will bring you through it. Taking one day at a time helps in difficult situations.

Just some food for thought.

God bless!

Answer 4

It would be the selfless thing to give your baby up for adoption. As a mother you want what is best for your child. If giving that child up to be raised in a healthier environment (ie: loving married parents, established home and career, etc.). It is an extremely hard decision. But if you consider the good homes out there of people who have tried to have babies for years and are unable to, you would be answering their prayers. I can understand why your mom would be upset, but it is your decision. You need to do some soul searching, if you think you could provide and happy, healthy, loving environment than keep the baby. If you feel in your heart that another family would be better prepared, than adoption would be the selfless thing to do by putting the babies needs above your own. And that is showing true love for the baby and his/her welfare.

Answer 5

If you have a good job, and family to help you, and aren't on drugs or an alcoholic or mentally ill, then it might considered selfish to send a child away for adoption. (If these are the conditions and you even Have an unplanned for and "fatherless" child, then chances are this is a pattern of selfishness.

If you are undereducated, working for minimum wage, or in a weird job like as a stripper, and if you have no education and no prospects and raising a child would mean years of "welfare" then perhaps adoption would be the ultimate act of love.

Not very child needs to grow up in a rich household, but if you are totally unequipped to raise one, then it is selfish to punish the child with neglect and poverty.

Answer 6

Ur unwed......And? if you feel you cant look after baby then how about your mother sounds like she doesnt want you to give up baby. The second you lay eyes on your baby you will fall truley madly and deeply in love and so will your mum, think really carefully on this one. However i also agree adoption is better than abortion there are some truley deserving people out there that cant have children of their own. Seek professional advice either way it could be a decision you live to regret. All the best

Answer 7

I don't think it is selfish to put the child up for adoption if you don't think you would be able to take care of it very well. If you are single but are very capable of caring for the baby I don't think it is right to put the child up for adoption, but it's not selfish. It's definitly your own choice though what you do. Don't let your mom decide for you. There are a lot of people out there waiting for little babies to adopt, so it wouldn't be in foster care for long...foster care isn't always the best place. I have experience with adopted siblings coming from abusive foster homes...just something to think about before you put your baby into that situation.

Answer 8

No it's not selfish. If YOU feel it's the right thing, go with it. Don't miss a life time of memories though because of religion!! God still loves you, but if you feel that you couldn't handle a child or don't have enough money or help, I would and the child could have a better life. Either way it's not selfish, it's just looking out for the child.

Answer 9

Considering adoption is not selfish at all. It's giving the baby a chance at life, and to be cared for by a family who feels equipped to be parents. It's actually a very selfless action because you're putting the child before yourself. Whatever you decide about the adoption, please do not get an abortion. There are several grear agencies out there that can help you with your pregnancy and the planning process for considering adoption. Here's a link I found: http://www.christianadoptioncenter.com/christian-adoption/unplanned-pregnancy.html

Answer 10

If the mother is too young or not responible enough to care for the child on her own and couldn't continue her schooling she should consider adoption. So many couples are childless and would give a child a wonderfull home it is a gift to allow your child a chance to have a better life w/someone who is ready and able to raise a child.