i care to much about what other people think about me. im always shy when i go places and i have no self esteem. for example, if i go somewhere and someone acts like a real ***** to me, ill care what they say nd i wont stand up for myself. i know it shouldnt matter what they think, but i cant help it. how can i stop this? i mean, im not ugly at all, im smart, nd im a nice person, so really theres no reason for me to be shy. nd im never like this at home. im straight up and say it like it is. how can i be more like that in public?
2006-11-05 07:17:30 · 10 answers · asked by ♥ 2 in Health ➔ Mental Health
im 14 years old
2006-11-05 15:41:01 · update #1
Somebody once told me that we think more about ourselves than anyone else does. The fact is, people are so darn caught up with themselves, they're barely taking notice of anything else. Try this exercise:
Think about someone you know and your thoughts about that person. Now, do this with a few more people you know, some you like, some you dislike. How much do your thoughts about this person affect their day to day life? Probably very little. Now turn the scenario around. See...their thoughts about you really don't affect your day to day life either. So a waiter is rude to you...who cares...stand up for yourself...will you ever see that person again in your life? Probably not so it doesn't matter what they think.
And you also have an advantage over many people... you know you're attractive and smart. So now just act like it!! You're the only one who has to live with yourself so it only matters what you think about you!!
:)
2006-11-05 15:53:42 · answer #1 · answered by Emmamart 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
just realize that everyone is different, adn what people may beleive is the standard of beauty or perfection is arbitrary adn subjective. i might think curves are great, but another might think that less curve is great. once you realize that there is no set standard of what is right, there is no reason that you should feel bad if you can't live up to a person's definition, because you can never please anyone.
secondly, stand up for yourself!!!! think of it this way....the longer you just take it, the longer you will be unhappy, and you shouldn't be unhappy if you can help it. you love yourself, right? so don't allow yourself to be abused. think "why should i just sit here and suffer and give them what thye want? they don't deserve anything good from me because all they have done is hurt me. so why am i giving them what they want and making them happy?" you know that at home, people accept you for who you are. but, realize that outside of your home, there are people who will not accept you, and you cannot please everyone. thus, you shouldn't try because it isn't possible, and you shouldn't let it get to you. smile!!!! you have a lot going for you. you're nice looking, smart, adn nice! as long as YOU know this and act like it's true, NOTHING...ELSE....MATTERS!
when you leave your house, put on a great song...i highly recommend Rufus Wainwright's "Beautiful Child", or Destiny's Child's "Happy Face" Or even Gnarls Barkley's "Go Go Gadget Gospel". these will make you happy, adn feel good about yourself.....now, go smile a little more. it own't be easy, but with time, it gets easier.
2006-11-05 18:18:34 · answer #2 · answered by ashkazz1 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Yeah I used to always be trippin about other people's thoughts too! Man, once you realize how much everyone else is all cought up in thier own minds, you really have the advantage because you know you can just be yourself and focus on your goal, and theyre not judging you. When youre all paranoid, you imagine that "everyones" thoughts are directed towards you. What a relief it was when I found out that it was all in my head.
What really works is to learn from really confident people. Notice that all really confident people almost have no thought whatsoever what people are thinking of them. In fact, forget that other people even have thoughts. (of course respect others feelings though). Dont let your ideas about thier opinions dominate your actions: 1, because chances are what you imagine is not true, and 2, it will just make you look nervous and then they WILL notice it. A self fullfilling prophecy is when you believe something and then act that way, causing it to become true. Then you think it confirms it, but really you MADE it happen! When you believe everyone is looking at you, it causes you to act/move differently, perhaps more nervous than you wish. And people can tell when youre nervous.
In short, I got over this by telling myself that I am the only one thinking about me, while I was doing something. When I realized that it made a difference in how I behaved, I actually started believing it and the more true it became. I was not nervous, therefore they had no reason to be thinkin about me. The reason we often worry about what others think is lack of our own self opinion or goal. Once I gave myself my own identity to focus on, it didnt matter what anyone else thought.
Good luck.
2006-11-05 18:16:07 · answer #3 · answered by NICE LADY 2 · 4⤊ 0⤋
I have this same problem, and it is not easy to defeat, trust me, but it is possible to ignore the majority of thoughts you have that result from others' actions.
It's really just a mind-over-matter problem.
This is a very common phase for many teenagers and young adults to go through for many different reasons, but until it passes, I suggest living your life to the fullest and in the present moment.
By that I mean become so busy and active that you don't have the time or energy to care about what other people think.
That is what I did to overcome this problem at least partially; get involved in sports, the arts, religion or anything else full time so that thinking about what other people think about you will become as trivial in your own mind as it already is in reality.
2006-11-05 16:07:15 · answer #4 · answered by STILL standing 5 · 3⤊ 0⤋
If you are relatively young, it could be a passing phase. If not, and you've always felt that way, then read on.
I think you first need to find out WHY you care about what others think.
You sound as if you realize that the feelings don't necessarily make sense, but you still feel that way.
Look at some self-help books on building self-confidence. If you really struggle with this, seek out professional help. It really works.
2006-11-05 15:26:10 · answer #5 · answered by Douglas B 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Please don't feel bad. We all feel like that from time to time. Whether we like to admit it or not. I'm very proud of you to ask such a question. It shows you want to improve and better yourself. Very honorable of you. What you are lacking is self confidence. From what you descibe you sound like a very nice person. There is no reason to be shy. Sweetheart, confidence is just a state of mind.When around other people just try to keep in mind that everyone is equal. No one is better than anyone else. Just different. Maybe this website can help http://advice7.com/emotions_feelings/confidence.html
2006-11-05 16:43:40 · answer #6 · answered by Inez J 1 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I struggle with that on a daily basis...i encourage you to take notice of the single obese person in a gym, exercising despite being surrounded by beautiful bodies - just because it is helping him fulfill HIS goal.
Look at the child who dressed themselves..yes, none of it matched, but it was his favorite shirt....
Look at every one doing what the want...and feel empowered!
2006-11-05 15:20:47 · answer #7 · answered by FavoredbyU 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Remind yourself that you are your own worst critic. And the worrying only makes things worse.
2006-11-05 15:22:08 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
always compare ur self with worser people so u know that u r much better than lots of people
and be carefull NEVER compare ur self with people better than u
2006-11-05 16:59:09 · answer #9 · answered by Tara 6 · 1⤊ 1⤋
you got to stop caring what people think, it cou;d make you parionoid. belive me
2006-11-05 15:25:40 · answer #10 · answered by debbigeri 3 · 1⤊ 2⤋