My dad and I have never had a great relationship. He's actually been verbally abusive as well as emotionally. He tried to push me into sports as a kid when I'm not all that athletic. I was in band and worked very hard to get first chair to impress him. He came to my concert and left early to go to his step son's ball game. When I was 11, he told me I was fat and I would die if I didn't lose weight. I've tried to make ammends with him. I've been trying to build some kind of relationship with him now that I'm an adult. But he never calls me and passes by my house atleast 3 times a day coming to and from work and on his lunch hour. It hurts me so bad that he'd rather spend time with his step kids than his own daughter. Should I give up and accept the fact he wants nothing to do with me or keep trying? I can't take much more rejection.
2006-11-05 07:10:43 · 9 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Family
I'm not fat anymore. That was when I was 11. I had thyroid problems
2006-11-05 07:28:14 · update #1
I'm sorry but I have to agree with your present feedback. The good thing is that you understand the pain from rejection and therefore will be sensitive to all others you encounter in your great and promising future. Remember the mind is very powerful and if you let his words make you believe you are as bad and horrible, then you are seriously misleading yourself!
You have every right to feel the way you do. But It sounds like your dad has a problem and might be using you in transfering his animosity. You can only change how you think and feel.
What worked for me, write your feelings on a piece of paper. All of it. Don't hold back on your words. Then address it to him. In my case, I never sent it and threw my letter away, but it formed a closure for my frustration.
My girlfriends took me to church for a couple of months. There, church reminded me of the love Christ has for me, the power within to learn to forgive others no matter the pain, and move on to be a better person.
Just keep your door open for him but don't set yourself for failure with expectations. You are a brilliant and independent; learn to take credit! Live for yourself, not for him.
Good luck!
2006-11-05 07:45:58 · answer #1 · answered by we-well 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
First off I am very sorry that you’re a young lady who needs a father in her life and are not getting that need meet. I start with two approaches to your problem. One listen more to your dad find out if some of his advice is helpful to you. He said your fat ok that hurts but throw away the abuse part of his comments such as your going to die early. Than tell him, can you help me with my diet, and give me some suggestions, invite him work out with you at a gym maybe. Than celebrate that he cares anytime you can. I know it is strange but catch him being a good enough parent and reward him with for it by cards. I would not back away so fast. I stop him when he hurts you and tell him the good that he said and than say what hurts, and after tell him you still love him.
The other thing is start to consider other male figures such as grandfather and uncles to develop healthy relationships with good role models. He may even get jealous too and your father may see you not letting life pass you by with out a healthy man in your life.
Don’t react to any of his negative comments with disrespect or elevated voice. Just be matter fact even passionately and tenderly tell him how it feels. You’re a already getting some fathering here. Your welcome too.
2006-11-05 07:23:43 · answer #2 · answered by Panda Lover 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
No. There particularly is not any benefit to having a relationship with him. He could be your delivery father, yet he's no longer your "dad." A dad is a guy who's a sturdy impression on your existence, continually there for you, elevating you, loving you, helping you, and loving and treating your mom good. He needless to say did no longer do any of those. he's no longer a guy nicely worth a while... you at the instant are not being obdurate in any respect. you're basically sticking up for your self, and having self admire. If I have been you, i does no longer difficulty even speaking to him. i might basically help your mom recover from the verbal abuse he gave her.
2016-10-15 10:08:43 · answer #3 · answered by spates 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I have not seen or spoke to my father in over eight years. I did the same thing you are doing now. I longed for a relationship with my father. I ran after him and pursued him all the time. After many years and a lot of heartache I realized no one was benefiting from this unhealthy relationship. I realized that he is my father and I love him, but he is selfish and all he was doing was hurting me. I decided to love him and take what he has to offer me but I was not going to put my feelings on the line anymore. I left it alone and decided it was his turn to pursue a relationship with me. I had done all I could. He has not made any attempt to contact me in eight years. But, I try and look at it positively. It is not eight years of a loving relationship I have missed out on, it is eight years of hurt, disappointment, and heartache I have missed out on. Live your own life and don't let him control you, your feelings or relationships with others. Good luck.
2006-11-05 07:27:05 · answer #4 · answered by heyitsmedarra 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
My father rejected me too...but he was the GROWN UP...he ought to be ashamed! I think he missed out, seeing how sucessful I have been in life...he will never have a daughter and has no bragging rights. Not only that, but most good men will agree that he will forever be a loser because of his actions.
I would write a letter getting all of your feelings out...whether you mail it or not is up to you...but it would make you feel better.
2006-11-05 07:14:43 · answer #5 · answered by FavoredbyU 5 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Things weren't all that great between my father and myself, so I know where you're coming from. I'm so very sorry. I think what you should do is just give up on him. The loss will be his, and I hope he suffers merrcilessly.
2006-11-05 07:54:55 · answer #6 · answered by Mike M. 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think you should be happy that he isn't in your life as he is not a nice person and anyone who enjoys being hurtful and mean to his child is a big butt head and doesn't deserve to have a nice daughter like you. He has problems, it has nothing to do with you.
2006-11-05 07:45:21 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Give up ,n be happy ...Seems to me he never gave u any thing but grief,F--K him...He's gonna need u wen those step kids give him there butt's to kiss.....Trust me,N wen he calls turn ur back on him...SIMPLE as that...Keep ur head up,n a smile on ur face u'll feel better.......
2006-11-05 07:39:27 · answer #8 · answered by stephanie f 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
NO sounds like you are better off leaving it lie. I am sorry that your father does that, but unless he wants to pursue it there is little that can be done to change it.
2006-11-05 07:16:03 · answer #9 · answered by snoop_dougie_doug04 5 · 0⤊ 1⤋