Why do I feel the way I do? Am I a bad daughter?

Question

My mother passed away seven and a half years ago when I was nine. Even know it wasn't my fault I still feel so guilty. I was molested by my uncle and have also been physically abused. Right now I'm dealing with stuff that I can hardly understand. I'm anorexic, depressed, suicidal, and I cut myself. I also have OCD. All this really isn't anyone's fault so why do I feel so bad. Things aren't so bad in my life right now so why do I feel so awful? Is there something wrong with me? Is this all my fault? Do I deserve to die? Can I not have an okay existance? Also my dad has taken all of this really hard. He still refuses to admit there is a problem though. I' m wondreing what I have to do to convince him that this isn't just going to go away. I've caused him a lot of stress and I feel so bad about that. Should I have kept quiet and pretended everything was okay so my dad would be happy? He wonders why I told my teacher this instead of him. It is so hard to talk to my father.

Answer 1

You're on the right track to recovery by admitting you have a problem. My recommendation would be to seek out psychoanalytic therapy. In this such case I think it would be best because you seem, to me, to have unresolved past issues that need sorting out. Afterwards, I suggest cognitive-behavioural therapy. This will help you to manage and change your behaviour by learning how to change your cognitive thought processes that lead you to anti-social behaviour (I mean anti-social in its correct use meaning behaviour that is not socially acceptable or against societal mores).

But before that I would recommend, and I KNOW you don't want to hear this, that you consider seeking help from a hospital psych. ward. You are not crazy. But a psych ward is the section of the hospital where they deal with people in your situation as well as psychotics. Again, you are NOT crazy.

I wish I could be of more help, but I am still only just working on my Honours degree and I'm afraid I cannot give psychological therapy.

Answer 2

You sound like me in the sense that you're always ready to take the blame even when it's not your fault. I find it hard to talk to my parents too and sometimes I wonder if I deserve the life that has been given to me. At some point in my life however I realized that doing nothing can be just as bad as doing wrong things. You are not a bad person though. You think alot about others and that just shows that you are a kind person.

Unfortunatly I can't tell you how to be happy. Happiness can only befound within yourself and is something you must discover on your own. For me, the total improtence of another person is what makes me happy. It doesn't take a lot to make a person feel bad but making them feel good is a great accomplishment.

For a good portion of my teenage years I felt like it didn't matter if I lived or died. My siblings were beyond cruel with their words and subtle actions and because there were 6 of us, parentel attention was limited. I never voiced my true feelings and so I recieved so little of their time. But I found that they way I touched the lived of people I knew had an affect.

People remember the small things I said and loved the things I drew or painted and I knew of one thing for certain. You can choose your friends but not your family. We may not start out in pure happiness but we have the power to change our lives and that knowledge set my mind at peace. I can forgive the things done to me and I feel amazing in the long run. You are a beautiful and unique snowflake.

Answer 3

Fist you have taken the first step on admitting the abuse. It will take time for you to feel better but first you have alot of work to do. Going to therapy with a good qualified therapist is a great start. They can help you find different ways of dealing with your abuse that won't harm you. It won't happen overnight but it does get better. There is really nothing you can do to convince your dad of anything. He knows the truth and right now he may be in denial to himself cause that's his way of coping. You've done what you can in regards to him. Take care of you now. That's how you all can heal. Survive.
And sometimes its alot easier talking to a teacher than a parent. I never told anyone until I started in therapy and told my therapist, that was almost 20 years after the abuse. I abused myself with alcohol, anorexia, burning, and any other way I could hurt myself during my denial period. Please go ahead and get help for you. Don't put the rest of your life in total pain by not getting help. It does get better. I know it does. Good luck.

Answer 4

No, you are not a bad daughter, your father needs to face the reality of the situation...It sounds like maybe you and your father need to seek professional counseling, that would be a good start to the healing process, it is going to take some time and you will need to be patient...If you wish to discuss this further, send me an email or IM...Good luck

Answer 5

your not a bad daughter, I'm 13 and I'm depressed, suicidal, and I cutt myself too. It's just how you deal with things that are over powering. I told my teachers too, and they only reason my parents know, is because my teachers called them. I insit there isn't a problem and I keep it hidden and it's works for me. if you wanna talk e-mail me [e-mail]

Answer 6

CANDANCE, HONEY YOU NEED TO SEEK MEDICAL ADVICE, IT SOUNDS LIKE YOU HAVE A LOT ON YOUR PLATE, RIGHT NOW, HONEY YOU NEED TO GET ON SOME MEDICINE, THAT CAN HELP YOU COPE WITH YOUR PROBLEMS, AND SOME COUNSELING WILL DO WONDERS FOR YOU. I WAS MOLESTED WHEN I WAS YOUNG, AND I HAVE ALSO DID SOME CUTTING TO, BUT WITH MEDICINE, AND COUNSELING I FEEL SO MUCH BETTER, ALSO I GO TO CHURCH AND JESUS HELPS ME WITH MY PROBLEMS. CANDANCE YOU ARE A WONDERFUL DAUGHTER, YOU JUST HAVE SOME PROBLEMS, THAT NEED TO BE TAKEN CARE OF. I AM SO SORRY THAT YOU ARE GOING THROUGH THIS, BUT PLEASE GET SOME HELP FOR YOURSELF, YOUR ONE OF GODS CHILDREN'S. AND HE LOVE YOU SO MUCH, PLEASE GET HELP CANDNCE. I WILL PRAY FOR YOU TONIGHT AT CHURCH.