Honest answers only please?

Question

I answered a question the other day about someone wanting to know about the pill. I said in it that i had just taken my neice. My answer had been given 2 thumb downs so i wanted to ask if i was right or wrong. My neice is 15 years old and has just lost her mum so my husband and i are really the only family she has. I recently found out she had started having sex with her boyfriend who has just turned 16 but they have been together a while. I can't just ignore this and neither can i say don't as she will just do it behind my back. Rather than her come home to me and say she is pregnant i took her to the dr and asked for her to be put on the pill...am i right or am i wrong?

i would just like to thank everyone for their wonderful answers and would like to say that i am from the uk and also that my neice and i have a fantastic relationship, i have had chats with her in the past about the birds and bees and about the implications of sex, stds etc etc. When the event happenend she told me the very next day, i cried my eyes out but knew that we would go and have to see a dr. I have also explained to her that her partner still has to wear a condom and explained the reasons why. I did wonder if she was doing this because she is of a vunerable state at the moment but i can't change the fact that it has happened all i can say is that i will be by her side for ever and a day making sure she is ok.
so again thank you for your answers and please as they are all good i will let you decide which is the best answer xxxx

Answer 1

I think you made the intelligent decision. The people who gave you thumbs down were probably those that are anti-birth control, anti-everything and living in a dreamworld. Reality is what you and your niece must deal with and you did the right thing. I took my daughter when she was 15 to get the pill and she wasn't sexually active. I told her I won't be there when you make that decision, but I would be the one you come to if you get pregnant, so let's prepare now, think before you act, and try to do what you know is right.

Answer 2

It is a scary thought that of a child being sexually active, but if she is going to be she should be using some form of birth control as well as protection. Coming home and saying she is pregnant isn't half as defistating as coming home saying she has HIV. Aids is still a death sentance, and while there are drugs and medications that can eas the symptoms they do not prolong ones life and there is no cure Pregnancy can be dealt with whether by abortion, adoption, or keeping the newborn. How do you deal with watching someone die a slow death?
You also need to know that birth control is NOT 100% effective in the best of situations it is about 98% effective and a 15 year old girl with hormonal fluctuations and upheavls that is NOT the best of situations. There are so many things that can deplete the pills effectivness, from antibiotics to asperin.. Hopefully as caring relatives you have done the research and can give her clear, concise information. If not, then YOU need to do some studying.

Answer 3

wow! I didn't expect the vote to all go in your favour here! I'm half tempted to play devil's advocate just to even things up and get a bit of debate going, but I can't. I think you did the right thing, the responsible thing.

I guess that you may find it hard to view your niece as a 'child' (as she is in the eyes of the law) because you're close to her. However, there are those that would say that you should stop her having sex until she is 16. I'm not sure what they say after that, probably it's not your problem and she can pop as many kids out as she can...

Anyway, she's going to do it. Kids grow up fast these days, emotionally and physically. But responsibility is a hard to come by commodity nowdays, and your neice is very lucky you can cover her for that.

One thing that worries me is the bit where you say that you asked for her to be put on the pill. Did she not ask for it? Maybe its just the way you put that... in any case it was the right thing I think.

Answer 4

There's no question that what you did was right, but a worrying factor in this case is that she's just lost her mum, so must be emotionally very vulnerable. She may be indulging in sex as a sort of compensation, so I hope you also sat down and talked to her about all aspects of love and sex. She should also be aware that pregnancy isn't the only danger in having sex. eg.,the younger the girl is when she becomes sexually active, the more likely she is to develop cervical cancer later. As you rightly say, it's no good just telling her not to, because she's already started, so now it's a norm for her - she's already crossed the line. At least she won't get pregnant, but I would worry about her emotional state should the relationship end which, given time, it probably will as they're both so young. I hope the young man has also been made aware of your niece's vulnerability, because it's quite a responsibility.

Answer 5

I think your a perfect roll model for her and I'm sorry to hear about the loss of her mum. Its great that she feels able to talk to you as a lot of unwanted pregnancies happen because girls are too embarrassed to talk to anyone. It may not be an ideal situation and not everyone wants there 15 year old to be in a sexual relationship but like yourself I would rather know that she is safe and well educated rather than experimenting and be at risk. Girls are put onto the pill at all different ages these days, some girls as young as 12, it isn't just used for as a method of contraception. Its good to know that your niece has someone to confide in you obviously someone she looks up to. Well done and Goodluck.xx

Answer 6

You were right in taking her to get birth control and when you said that if you tell her not to that she will only do it behind your back. You are being responsible as well as teaching her to be responsible. Don't forget to tell her to use condoms as well because not only is pregnancy a possibility but so is STDs. Don't worry about those self righteous people who had negative things to say because their children will be the ones coming home with babies and diseases because they didn't teach them to protect themselves. As a parent I pray every day that my daughters wait until marriage but if they don't I want them to protect themselves and if I have to take them to the clinic for birth control then I will do just that. By the way I am giving you a thumbs up for your question. You niece is a very lucky girl. Keep up the good work!!

Answer 7

I say your right because my 14 year old cousin just got pregnant because her mother didn't take her to get put on the pill that would be the best way if you are unsure if your child if having sex or not.. and now and days these kids are having sex at a very young age... so i think that was very responsible of you.. as a young teen they would help alot of young teens out these days

Answer 8

I think you did the right thing. I also have a 15 yr. old daughter who I just found out she's having sex. It's true I got mad but, I did the same thing took her to the Dr. and got her birth control not only the pill but condoms also. I also spoke to her about venereal diseases. If you tell them don't do it they will still do it behind your back and it's worse, having them coming back pregnant at a young age. I'm trying to protect her future also, so I think you did they right thing.

Answer 9

You are absolutely right to do this and it makes me very happy to see such a responsible and loving gesture on your part.

I am guessing that the reason that people gave you thumbs down is because of the puritanical and religious conservative mentality that creeps it was through this site. They are more than likely suggesting that sex before marriage is wrong and that you should lock her up. They fail to realize that sex is a natural thing and that she needs to protect her future and, I would guess, those who gave you thumbs down are also opposed to abortion failing to realize that it is this responsible action that will help lessen the number of abortions. Hopefully you covered condoms as the pill does not protect against STD's and such..

I of course hope that she really was ready to make the decision to have sex and that she was mature enough to truly understand the emotions and consequences of it but that is a moot point. She is doing it and you did right to help her protect herself.

Answer 10

It was the best thing you could have done; I hope more parents were as realistic as you are about teenage sexuality. As a nurse with 5 years experience working in Labor and Delivery Room, I've seen way too many unprepared teens giving birth being in no way ready for motherhood. I had a 13-year-old patient giving birth to her FOURTH child; she had her first one when she was a 10y/o, which she conceived at 9. Outrageous, don't you think?
TEN THUMBS UP FOR YOUR DECISION!!!!!!!!