my parents say that da eldest child of a family shud not marry another eldest (first) child..... is it true??

Question

can any of u give me some good examples of ppl who've married like dat n r leadin a very happy long life??

Answer 1

First Born Children


The first born child is usually the child with the most attention directed at him/her. This common event is part of the reason this particular child turns out the way he/she does. There are two typical types of first born children, compliant and aggressive. The first born in your family can be either one of these two types, and have these typical traits:

Compliant Traits

People Pleasers
Crave Approval
Nurturers
Caregivers
Reliable
Concientious
Cooperative
Team Players
"Grin and bear it" mentatlity
Aggressive Traits

Movers and shakers
Natural leaders
Perfectionists
Driven
Conventional
Always have things under control
Assertive
Want things their way
These two types of first born children may seem very different, but they do share quite a few characteristics.

Common Traits

Energetic
Logical
Ambitious
Enterprising
Scholarly

So they may be refereing to birth order.

Answer 2

Your parents are essentially wrong to say that sibilings who share the same birth order should not marry.

However, they are right in recognizing that birth order does have a strong effect on marriage health, and marriages where each member is of the same birth order are particularly vulnerable to birth order specific problems.

But, with recognition of the problems that can occur, and a clear cut strategy to deal with the problems that can come up, there is NO REASON that two eldest children can't marry.

The problems two firstborns can expect to encounter are centered in a power struggle for control, and first borns internal drive for perfectionism from themselves and everyone else. Recommended steps to counter this struggle (Dr. Kevin Leman)

1) Stop trying to improve on the things your spouse does or says.

As he says, "the tongue can literally determine the course of your marriage,

2) Stop shouldering your mate. He says, "for first borns criticism is second nature, if you are being hard on yourslef and /or your mate, lower that high-jump bar of life. Once you quite trying to hump so high, you can stop asking your mate to so do as well"

3) Define roles carefully to avoid arguments over control. Decide who does what.

4) Lose the "we've got to do it my way attitude"

Leman (p. 218)

Don't give up on marriage in an existing relationship simply because of the difficulties you might face. If you've managed to work these issues out so far, I'm sure you (or whoever you are asking for or about)will be able to with knowledge, restraint, and a good deal of jaw-clenching when you really want to say something that you know you shouldn't, be able to make it work out fine!

Answer 3

i've heard the same, but never about the eldest. my mom doesn't want me to marry with a youngest child from another family since i'm the youngest in this fam. they think that the youngest and youngest can't take care of eachother of something. for me, i think the oldest should marry the oldest. it'll work out.

Answer 4

I never heard that. My sister is married to the eldest child of his family. ( My sister is the eldest of our family) and they are going on a year now, happily and with a darling little son, 5 months old.

Answer 5

First borns tend to be take charge types. With two of them together, they will often see eye to eye, but there is also the danger of a power struggle, because each of them wants to be in charge.

There's no such thing as a relationship without any problems, and I don't know that this one would necessarily be insurmountable, but there is at least a grain of truth to what your parents are saying.

Answer 6

I am the eldest child and my wife was the eldest child in her family, and we've been happily married for 24 years!! I wonder where your parents heard that weird theory?

Answer 7

That is silly.If u fall in love then who cares where u are in the family chain.Love is hard to come by without all these stupid rules. I think to oldest children would be great together.They will have alot in common with their family life.I say marry whom u fall in love with and forget of those silly other things...

Answer 8

I have often heard that, and I believe there is some basis to it. The order of your birth helps mold your personality. It is best in marriage to have "complementing" personalities, not identical personalities.

Here is a website with a quiz that you may find very informative.

Answer 9

I've never heard of that. You should marry who you fall in love with, whether they are the oldest or youngest child.

Answer 10

i think thats a oldwives tale . I have been married for 32 happy years