For Thanksgiving he will go to his parents, and I'll go to mine. In my past relationships we divided the day up. We spend time at both places together. I have talked to him about this and how is makes me feel, and he still choses to do it his way. I am crushed. I feel like he makes me choose between my family and him. What should I do?
2006-11-05 04:13:52 · 20 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Family
Choose your family. If he doesn't respect your feelings enough to care about how it makes you feel & does not want to compromise just let him go be with his family & you enjoy being with yours without worrying about him.
2006-11-05 04:23:49 · answer #1 · answered by Michelle *The Truth Hurts 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
holidays can be bad when parents are involved. you mentioned that you would split the day up between the two families - which is the perfect solution if you live relatively close to each other...so, why did he change his mind and now only want to be at his parents? questions you should ask yourself - does he have more of a relationship with parents or you? the same question you have to ask yourself. if you are both serious about each other, then you have to talk this problem out - don't let families ruin your holidays. both of you have to figure out why your parents feelings regarding holidays are more important than your feelings for each other. i'm sure each of you want to be together and share the beauty of the holiday but you are letting families destroy this. between the two of you decide what's important in your life - each other or your families. don't let the holidays break you guys up. holidays are meant to be happy and fun - instead, sometimes, families (and, we don't even realize it) can ruin them. don't let them have that power over both of you. just think of who's really important - and i hope you both choose each other. good luck and happy holidays.
2006-11-05 05:00:40 · answer #2 · answered by try 2 help 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Personally it would probably bother me but if you thik of it this way, he's not with you for your family, he's in a relationship with you not them, so if he feels uncomfortable being with the family than it shouldn't be that big a deal.
but if it's for any little thing then he has a problem if he has met them before maybe something happeed between him and another family member and now he doesn't want to be around them. If he never even met them then he seriously has problems or he's just realselfish.
Instead of talkin to him about how it makes you feel, yu should try to find out why he really insists on being with his family only and not even spend a little time with you and your family
2006-11-05 04:20:46 · answer #3 · answered by Ms_Apple_Bttmz 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Is he shy? Some people are very uncomfortable in a room of people that they do not know. Is he comfortable in other situations where there are a lot of people? For example does he go to clubs with you? Maybe his family has very strict values. You need to examine this relationship. If you are this hurt by this then you have to ask yourself if this is the man you want to spend the rest of your life with. It is tough. I can relate to you pain though. My mother got mad at my husband (my husband and I divorced for 10 years then got back together). My mom would allow him to come to her house. I had to go to her house for Thanksgiving and my husband went to his Mom's. I did not want to leave her all alone because she only had me and my sister. She finally made peace with him before she died. It was stressful. I know what you are going through.
2006-11-05 04:38:07 · answer #4 · answered by Xandejo 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Talk to him about it, he sounds a lot like mine!! I've been with mine now for five years, in the begining he did come around my family but then stopped. I think its because I got so attached to his family, I'm always there with them or doing something for them, I think he just became comfortable with that notion that I was the one to always be there and him not around my family. It pissses me off, we're getting engaged within the next year, and I tell him repeatedly that if he soes not come around, I'm not gonna want to be with him, someone who can not respect my family I will not have respect for him or his! I stopped staying at his house and stopped hanging around his family, he's still picky about it but he is starting to come around finally. Talk to him, if that doesnt work or if he is showing no respect, start looking for someone else, 31/2 years is plenty of time to start doing stuff the things yu mentioned, maybe he's a mamas boy, and yu dont want that!! Good luck, hope this helped!!!
2006-11-05 04:22:31 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
It is not uncommon to not like your gf's family. This appears to be the case in your situation. Time may fix this, but I doubt it. Your family are either stuck up snobs or he is. It's one or the other and time never heals that sort of thing. I would find a new boyfriend or accept the fact.
2006-11-05 04:18:56 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
You either have to resign yourself to living with this and accept it or lose him. I am married to a man who gradually became that way. There's no changing him, begging, pleading, asking nicely, letting him know how important it is to you.. tears even.. none of those things have helped and it's only gotten worse. Men don't usually get better. Their habits become worse with longevity in the relationship. Good Luck!
2006-11-05 06:02:07 · answer #7 · answered by sallylip2000_ca 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Yeah sounds like you have a great guy there **chuckle chuckle*
This is a serious behavior change...things are going on that he is not being open about... If you don't figure it out...it could affect your relationship in a negative way
2006-11-05 04:45:16 · answer #8 · answered by westfield47130 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If this is still a problem, then it's always goin to be a problem. Move on. Family seems to be important to u, n he doesnt seem to care. It's never gonna work. MOVE ON!
2006-11-05 06:20:18 · answer #9 · answered by Jackie V 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
talk to him if he isnt willing to budge or even try it, ditch him. That is sort of rude to your family, and I'm sure it sucks for you having to spend the day "alone"
2006-11-05 04:49:04 · answer #10 · answered by Suzzette M 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋