Can you really be friends with an Ex?

Question

I recently split from my fiance after a rough 6 months.
His last words were "I still have feelings for you, I want us to be friends, I'll keep in touch".
Obviously this hasn't happened, I'm quite cross because I'm trying to move on, but I emailled him 2 weeks ago asking him if he still had feelings for me, and basically threw him another line - to try again, he hasn't contact me at all which makes me think he really doesn't care about me at all.
Can you be friends with your ex?

Answer 1

If it is an amicable split sure. Even sometimes when it is a one sided split. There will be hard feelings for a while, but sometimes they can be overcome. Like my ex fiance and I....and we have a son together. We broke up while I was pregnant. Let me tell you we hated eachothers guts for about a yr. Now we can talk civily. It really just depends on a number of factors.
But if you feel like you cannot move on while staying "friends" with him ( as you often cannot, during the time closely following the seperation ) If you both want to try to e friends, give it time and let the dust settle 1st. If you really don't, cut it off and don't email him again, otherwise it will remain and open wound for both of you and there won't be any closure allowing either of you to move on.

Answer 2

You can - once you have got over one another!!!! My ex constantly emailed me funny attachments and sent flirty texts but hasnt changed so the relationship was never back on. I found I could not move on or get over him as the transition from boyfriend to friend was too weird!!!! Plus I was scared of some other girl answering his phone one day. I asked him to "leave me alone for a while". This way, I can move on and the day I feel I could be friends with him - will drop him a mail to say hi. I am mates with other exes but usually after a lot of time has passed. There is nothing worse than living in the past. Everyone is different though. He might be ignoring your mail for the same reason I ignore my ex - i still love him but want to get over him.

Answer 3

The answer to this question is a very hard one and one which you will have to accept - you have to move on.

My relationship with my ex lasted for six years before she went travelling. I flew out to spend time with her after ten months apart and then flew home after two months as the "staying in hostels" way of life wasn't for me. My ex has just come home now after another 10 months apart and we have met up as friends but friends is the best I can hope for from her now. I am gutted at this as I do still love her but I have to learn to move on and that means NOT staying friends.

Staying friends will reduce the pain of not having your ex in your life at all but deep down you will continue to have feelings for him and if they are not being reciprocated you must - although it is incredibly difficult - learn to close that chapter in your life.

Say you did chose to stay friends, if a third party comes onto the scene eventually (i.e. your ex seeing someone else) (which could happen) feelings of anger and jealousy could develop on your part and that won't do you or your ex any good at all.

You must also entertain the possibility that a new person will come into your life one day and although it may seem impossible just now, you could develop feelings for them such that they will be sufficiently able to block the feelings for your ex out of your mind, and permanently.

I am going through the exact same situation myself - I sent an e-mail this morning to my ex basically asking to start again (in poem form!) and I feel it will not get a reply.

It's a terrible time for me just now and the pain doesn't go away but I (like you) will have to learn to be strong about it and find someone else.

I suspect that deep down this isn't the answer you will have been hoping for in terms of staying friends with your ex but when you think about it long enough you will eventually see that not staying friends is the only way forward.

One thing I did pick up on in your question is you said how "obviously" your ex hasn't stayed in touch and that you are cross as you are trying to move on. If anything, if you are really trying to move on you should not be cross as the only way you will properly move on is if you don't keep in contact. This is something that is finally dawning on me also and I will have to accept it.

I hope this helps you in some way and I am sorry to read about your predicament but believe me, I can totally empathise.

Answer 4

Of course you can, but it often doesn't happen...

Out of my exes, I've only remained friends with one. Sometimes, if they really liked you when you broke up, they are too hurt to want to talk to you. And there's nothing you can do about it. It's ironic though that the one ex I still talked to is the only one who tried to get me back... but enough about my personal life.

In this case, I would leave him alone for now. He said he'll keep in touch so I'm sure he'll contact you when he's ready. He's just hurting right now and is probably trying to get over you...

I hope I helped... Good luck with the whole thing....

Answer 5

Yes. I am very casual, e-mail once in a blue moon friends with my ex. He's a great resource for advice being a decade older than I. It doesn't hurt that he lives on the other side of the country. It took some time for me to get to this point, but I made a conscious effort to forgive and remember that I chose him! I once had feelings for him and being with him taught me a lot. When I arrived at that place, which was very healthy for me, I was able to be his friend.

Answer 6

Of course he doesn't care - but HIS ego is getting the biggest boost there is .... a female who's hanging around, just waiting for him to click his fingers and he doesn't have to do a thing to get it .... WAKE UP AND SMELL THE COFFEE!! ....He has no real feelings for you, if he did he wouldn't have treated you the way he did .... you on the other hand have a victim's mentality.... the one where you are trained to believe you need him .... when you don't .... and you think your life is incomplete without him ...... just where he wants you and wanted you from the started .... he did'nt need or want you all along except to make him look good ..... because there were/are others who did - and he wanted to be the one to get what they all wanted .... he succeeded .... you let him .....
now it's time for you to realise you DON'T need him - never did - and the only one who's lost out on a good thing - IS HIM.....

Answer 7

Depends, on (1) the reasons why you parted with your ex and (2) the reasons you were together in the first place.

In reverse order:

(2) If you were together for reasons of mutual convenience e.g. better than being alone and you don't mind shagging them, then of course you can stay friends, if however it was because of emotional involvent and fulfilment on one or both your parts then I don't think it will be possilbe.
(1) if you are the one to make the parting choice or are the benefactor of the choice e.g. you were unable or unwilling to make the decision and it has been made for you by your ex, then you will be able to remain friends, if however you are the one 'hurting' then you will hurt more when you hear the name of his latest or if you meet them when visiting 'common' areas.

Answer 8

NO! The whole "let's be friends" was probably a jab at you in the same vein as when women say "but can't we be friends"? which in my opinion is the cowards way out of a relationship and the worst insult imaginable. Sounds like he got one over on you and mad props to him for it. Leave him alone so he can get on with his life as I'm sure he doesn't need your melodrama right now.

Answer 9

most ways couples break up,are always saying we will still be friends after. It almost never happens,either because one goes on,and the next person they are with don't want contact with their ex The other reason guys don't want to be friends, because they are afraid they will make the same mistake with the same relationship again, knowing it would never be the relationship they want,so they end it completely.

Answer 10

YEs you can be friends with your ex but 6 months may be too soon. Give him some space. In the mean time get on and enjoy life!