OK, I already know the answer is "no" but I've talked to him about it and he's fine with changing...and reverting back to his ways...and changing again the next time I get upset enough to cry. This is a true example of opposites attracting: he's extroverted, I'm introverted; he plays video games, I crochet; he's a Christian, I'm an atheist; he stays out til 4 AM with his friends, I'm ready to get married and settle down. The list goes on. We have trouble just finding things to talk about. I've tried to explain to him that I'd feel better if both of us didn't have to try so hard but he says I'm worth it. I know I have a great man, but should I break up with him for his own good?
2006-11-05 03:24:43 · 16 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
you need to appreciate his differences instead of trying to change him. It sounds like you want to marry yourself. My husband and I are opposites and we've been married 20 years. I don't think you should marry him if he continues to stay out till 4 am. What is he doing?
2006-11-05 03:31:15 · answer #1 · answered by weswe 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think compromise is important in a relationship, and it's heartening that he is willing to work at it because that's important. But from what you write, it sounds as if you two might not be that compatible or I'm possibly missing something? I'm in an innie/outie relationship too (I'm the innie), but aside from that he and I are friends and enjoy many things in common . I'd hang out with him even if we weren't doing the deed. The deed is icing on the cake. Nobody should have to make a personality overhaul to please another in a relationship. You're supposed to be who you are and be accepted, the foundation is true friendship. If you can't say that of your relationship I would consider a break up. You two may not have a spark.
2006-11-05 11:32:46 · answer #2 · answered by inquiringmind 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Your both just not on the right path right now.
May be sitting him down and say you 2 should take a time out from each other awhile. Married people seperate to work on problems and themselves, so bf and gf can too.
Marriage to this guy right now, wouldn't change things.
People shouldn't "change" for others unless it's a real problem and the change is in dire straights. So, the seperation could help him with his changes and you with yours.
2006-11-05 11:32:50 · answer #3 · answered by peggin_beast 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
You can never, ever change or correct a man. He is what he is. Men never change and women who believe they can change men once in a relationship are in for a shock. Ask any woman who is in a long relationship or marriage and they will vouch for this.
If you accept him for who he is, not for who you think he might be in the future when you "change" him, go for it. Otherwise, you two should go your own separate ways as far as settling down is concerned. However (this goes without saying) there is nothing wrong in having a casual relationship as you two care about each other.
However remember, you can never change a man's ways. You will learn this sooner or later in your life.
Good luck!
2006-11-05 11:35:39 · answer #4 · answered by Calculus 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You're aethist and you're worried about you're boyfriends well-being? I' never thought there was such a great girl on this planet. What I think you need to work on is not really talking about change. I think you and your boyfriend both either need to find a happy medium for the both of you or you could work on just letting those little things about him not bother you. If you really care that much the two of you can compromise or you can just let it go and knowing that he cares should be enough.
2006-11-05 11:30:33 · answer #5 · answered by Joe P 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Don't break up with him!!!!!!
If he loves you this much to work for you there's no reason to break his heart! Saying you're going to break up with him for his own good is stupid! You'd only hurt him because obviously he cares deeply for you!
If you're even CONSIDERING breaking up with someone who cares about you that much you must be having doubts about him. Try and think why you might not want to be with him and don't say it's for his own good cuz deep down you know that's not true!
I can't tell if you want to leave him for you or not. but if you can't handle the stress and you don't think he's worth the effort, then I'd leave him, but don't do it in his interest. I really hope you understand what I mean!! lol
GOOD LUCK!!!
2006-11-05 11:29:01 · answer #6 · answered by StarlightRedemption 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Yes you should. It isnt fair to either of you. You can not spend your life with someone if he is going to wear a mask. It just wont work. It will end on a bad note later on. I have been there where you want it to work but there is no way. Just stay friends It would be for the best.
2006-11-05 11:28:01 · answer #7 · answered by Kay 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
No. If your boyfriend change too much you may not know him anymore. Only God can change a person. I suggest that you look first at yourself what do you want in life and how you can change to be a better person.
The best way is to get to know Jesus to begin with. You will never regret.
2006-11-05 11:38:45 · answer #8 · answered by Robin 2 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Frankly...YES!
right now you are young and its not such a big deal. But as time goes by, the christian/atheist thing WILL become an issue. I will not get into which is right ot wrong, but what do you do about it when it comes time for kids?
2006-11-05 11:32:26 · answer #9 · answered by cwxmas 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
if you love him then it shouldn't be hard for you to accept all the things your not just the way he says you are worth it when you ask him to change. If he is willing to change for you then thats love. But if your not willing to accept him for who he is and how he is then thats not love. I know love requires a lot of sacrifices but changing who you are for someone else is not one of them and niether is having to change someone so you could love them "better" It just doesn't work that way.
2006-11-05 11:30:14 · answer #10 · answered by dm 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋