My boyfriend and I have been in serious talks of engagement and marriage for probably 6 months now. Now that I'm 5 weeks from graduating from college, we've been talking a bit more about it. My problem is that I don't want to pressure him too much, so I try not to bring things up too often. He has been sidestepping my questions about when we will get engaged (right after I graduate or if we will wait months/a year, etc). He also keeps maintaining that he doesn't want to get me a "crappy ring" so I'm assuming he's saving his money as he mentioned his belief that "rings should cost 2-3 months of a man's salary." We've been casually looking at rings together in a magazine or two, talking about what we like and don't like. So here is my question to you... I found a picture of an AMAZING ring today that is exactly the type of design I'm interested in. Would it be helpful to email him the picture, or will that just be an annoyance? All you men out there? What's a lady to do? :)
2006-11-05 03:09:54 · 20 answers · asked by xenomorph_girl 3 in Family & Relationships ➔ Weddings
Just wanted to say thanks for all the advice so far. I just want to stress, too... that the ring isn't such a big deal... I just want to be with him forever regardless of the jewerly. And yes... we have talked about the tough issues- kids, money, housing, jobs, location, pregnancy, in-laws... you name it. I know we'll end up together regardless... but I know he can be a bit stubborn and proud sometimes... hence wondering if he really did want ideas, but just wouldn't tell me. Either way, thanks for all the suggestions and opinions so far.
2006-11-05 03:59:33 · update #1
just one pic! and say i just wanna give you an idea of what i like
2006-11-05 03:12:34 · answer #1 · answered by Fader's Girl 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
You have lots of time for marriage, slow down, especially if he is side stepping he is getting cold feet.
When you are both ready, you BOTH go looking for a ring. You will be wearing it for years, you have the right to pick what you like. Rings shouldn't cost 2-3 months salary, that is a guideline the diamond companies came up with. You buy something you can afford. A ring is not what counts, it is the relationship. You need to get that straight. Maybe that is why he is dragging his feet. Men usually want to do the right thing when it comes to a ring and marriage, but there are some clowns out there too.
I suggest you cool your engines and get priorities straight. Do you have a great relationship with this person? Have you gone for premarital counseling? Do you discuss the tough issues; money, kids, etc.? That is what is important, not the ring.
2006-11-05 11:22:55 · answer #2 · answered by MadforMAC 7 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Maybe you could send him an email saying that perhaps you are rushing it a bit? See what he says. If he is positive, then send another email asking "would it help if I sent you a picture of a ring I liked?"
If he says yes then send him the picture. If not then print a copy of the ring and have it near you when he visits. You could say something like "this is a ring my friend is thinking about getting, I love it!"
Hey I'm the first to say honesty is the best. But yeah, sometimes we need to be hinted at to insure the lady get's what she wants. We are in our own world-we even think empty beer bottles collected from around the world is good for decorating.
It takes a subtle woman to er...mmm show us what she likes. Bottomline, if the woman doesn't like her ring, she isn't gonna be a happy camper. And vice versa, no guy wants to receive a crappy gift from a woman cause she thought it would be nice.
Communicate...and when that fails, suggest lightly! Then back off and wait...? Hey good luck!
2006-11-05 11:39:56 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋
If the subject had never been brought up, then I would say to wait.
But this is not the case. You have been discussing spending your lives together.
If you have found the 'perfect' ring, then you should be close enough to him to say, "Hey, when we decide to do this, THIS is the style I want". This isn't to say you expect it to be 8 carats.
And men don't understand subtle. Not with this, not with anything. If you want something, you have to tell them. There are a few men out there who can take a hint, but most haven't a clue. And this isn't demeaning a man; just the way the operate differently from women.
2006-11-05 12:25:02 · answer #4 · answered by weddrev 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think it is more than OK to send your boyfriend a picture of a ring style you would like. It can help guide him and take some pressure off when he is ring shopping.
I e-mailed my fiancee a picture of a few rings that I liked after we had seriously been talking about engagement. He was not offended or scared off, but instead grateful that I made his job that much easier. (I swear, he even told me so!)
I realize that being engaged and married is not about the ring, but I do think you should have a ring that matches your personal style. Good luck!
2006-11-05 18:04:08 · answer #5 · answered by Dental Hygienist Jess 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Instead of saying it, just leave pixs around for him to "accidently" see. My BF and I were talking about this today and he mentioned how a girl should not do that because it should be a surprise.....I say you should because you dont want to end up with a crappy ring. If you're too scared to say something, leave clues such as pixs behind. When you see it in a magazine, leave a note.
2006-11-06 06:18:53 · answer #6 · answered by Veronica 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I picked out my ring, and I kind of regreted it at first because its supposed to be something he surprises me with so I felt like I was kind of taking that away from him. But then I remembered that he was a man...he doesnt care about color, cut, or clarity and HATES shopping. So it turned out, I did him a favor. If your man is the same way, yeah send him an email...but realize he will probably buy it and that does ruin the surprise a bit.
2006-11-05 19:01:24 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
If you have been looking at rings together in magazines you could send him a picture and say I spotted this ad the other day while browsing through a magazine, I really like it, what do you think? Just be patient and don't be pushy.
2006-11-05 11:16:39 · answer #8 · answered by notaxpert 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
The first four lines mentioned in your additional details shows that u wont bother about jwellery etc.but to live with him is a strong positive thinking. It is enough . Though he may be proud and stubborn all negativeness will become positive after marriage
2006-11-05 12:29:45 · answer #9 · answered by nayaham19 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Don't send him a picture. I'd be nice if he took you somewhere or you suggested being taken somewhere romantically, and then you casually suggested it as you walked past and let him know that through body language, then give a reason you couldn't get it and sorta look disappointed, so when he gets it for you he'll feel double good because you thought you couldn't get it. but if you want to be more realistic with it, just suggest it and that's it. If you send the picture you're ruining the whole thing trust me, it's not cool
2006-11-05 11:18:41 · answer #10 · answered by Answerer 7 · 0⤊ 1⤋
SInce you guys are talking about it so much, don't email it to him but rather let him know while your talking..... "OMG I found the perfect ring today" blah blah and describe it to him... you can mention the website you found it out,.,... that way its not like your this crazy soon to be fiance wanting this particular ring..... it would be more like conversation. GOOD LUCK
2006-11-05 11:36:28 · answer #11 · answered by totallylovableandinlove 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋