I am a 33 year old, reasonably attractive woman who needs to move on in life. I have been divorced since Feb. 2006. My son who is 15 thinks I should not date anyone. He still thinks me and his Dad will get back together. But that ain't happening. Anyone got suggestions?
2006-11-05 02:37:10 · 23 answers · asked by sherri e 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
Personally, I'd start dating. One way or another your son is going to have to understand that you and your Ex aren't going to be patching things up. Since that's the case, you have to take care of yourself as well.
As for how to start, take it from me and stay away from anything involving people from work. That really becomes dangerous. Yahoo! Personals sounds cheesy, but it might be a way to at least sample who's out there.
Good luck!
2006-11-05 02:41:43 · answer #1 · answered by Ciaoenrico 4 · 0⤊ 1⤋
I think your son is upset because he wants you two to get back together and I'd hold off on dating for a bit in the interest of your son. Divorce affects kids hard... Let him adjust before you bring other men into your life..
But you've obviously already waited a few months before dating, so try talking to your son about why you and your husband got divorced. Tell him that you want to move on and make a new life. Tell him that his dad will always be his dad no matter what and tell him that both of you will always love him even if you start seeing someone else. And when you do start dating, let him meet the men.
My dad started dating a woman 2 weeks after my parents got divorced and he never let me meet the woman, but talked about marrying her all of the time and it hurt a lot. So make sure you let your son get a feel for the people your seeing to make sure he's comfortable with them too. Because if he's not comfortable with a person you're interested in, you might not want to see them anymore.
So, talk to your son and look for someone who's going to make you happy. I hope I helped and I hope everything works out for you. Good luck!!!
2006-11-05 10:44:12 · answer #2 · answered by StarlightRedemption 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Your son has yet to accept the finality of the divorce. I wonder if he might be following his father's lead in that matter.
This is a tricky situation. Don't interfere with your son's relationship with his father. How he wants to regard his father, and develop an adult to adult relationship with him is something he needs to work out for himself.
As for your desire to date other men, I think you should explain to him that this is something you need to do, and he simply does not have any say in the matter.
At the same time, you need to avoid pushing him into an unwanted relationship with any man that you are dating. Make it clear to both of them, that he is dating you. He is not dating your son. If they happen to have some common interests, and enjoy each other's company, great, but don't push it.
Dating is one thing. Marriage is another. Unless your son is receptive to the idea, I would advise against bringing another man into the house, until he is on his own, hopefully, that won't be too much longer.
I am currently living with my mother, and her husband, who happens not to be my father. It is his home, and I am a guest. I'm OK with that. If your son decides to hang around after he has turned 18, I think that's what he needs to understand as well.
2006-11-05 12:08:15 · answer #3 · answered by Allen Montgomery 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It seems like your son has a case of "idealism." He clearly loves the two of you and would want you both close to him in his life instead of seperate. By saying you shouldn't date anyone, it shows that he does not understand what you are going through. Perhaps you can talk to him and try to compare it to him dating a girl and you saying "oh you shouldn't date anyone anymore."
You are still in your prime and you really need to get out there and enjoy it while you can. This may prove to be hard on your son, but eventually he will get used to it. Perhaps you can use your dating linked with a rewards system for him, giving him more responsibilities whenever you go out. Then, he will link your dating to something good. He will eventually be glad to see you happy. Now when you are dating, you will need to find someone who will be good to your son as well and someone that he will like. This is going to be important if you want your son to accept him.
I'm glad that you are about to start datign again! Good luck!
2006-11-05 10:43:32 · answer #4 · answered by b-rad 3 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Ouch!!!! That is a toughie. Of course by all means you are entitled to be happy. And i am sure your son means the world to you. A child by all means secretly fantasizes their parents will be together forever. Unfortunately that doesn't always happen. Does that make us a bad parent? absolutely not. In the real world things do not always work out as we wish although it did happen for a reason. Your son. But that does not mean you love him (your son) any less but the feelings you have for his dad are different kinds of love feelings and they are just not there like they used to be. You are not intentionally tring to hurt him (your son) you want him to know your love is unconditional for him. And he can still love you both and it is okay. Good luck.
2006-11-05 10:49:57 · answer #5 · answered by Angie 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You need to explain to your son as nicely as possible, that you need to have a life, and that you have no intentions of being with his father any more, and YOu WILL start the dateing process.
He doesn't have to meet your dates, nor does he have to approve. Your the adult here.
You don't even have to tell him right off. It's really only his business if you bring creeps to the house and he's there.
2006-11-05 10:45:08 · answer #6 · answered by peggin_beast 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
First of all I would sit down with your son and explain to him that you and your ex husband are not going to get back together. If he still thinks you are, then sorry I don't know what to say then.
2006-11-05 10:45:32 · answer #7 · answered by Danny 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Yes, move on! Of course your son will be protective - my children are. They don't want to see us hurt and your son wants you to get back with his dad. Tell him you appreciate his concern but your a big girl and can make decisions yourself. Go out, have some fun and live alittle! Good luck hon!
2006-11-05 10:41:01 · answer #8 · answered by ? 6 · 0⤊ 1⤋
You should, once you've gotten to your mid forties you'd regret why you didn't find someone earlier. You always need someone who's there who you can talk to and find consoling. It's not uncommon for children with divorced parents to reject to the idea that they're going to find new people. But explain to him that you just can't get together anymore, it's not so simple and you need someone who can support you mentally. And hopefully he'll understand.
2006-11-05 10:41:35 · answer #9 · answered by J 5 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Well u seem very firty! thats not the point
well it's your right 2 find sum1 else 2 spend your rest life and u can explain your son that without dating and knowing other people i.e, MEN u can't find anybody who won't repeate the same.
2006-11-05 10:44:48 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋