I am filled with anger and resentment and bitterness towards my husband. How do I forgive?

Question

I can't forgive him for not loving me all these years of marriage. I am angry at him for ignoring me and neglecting me on purpose....that is what he told me he does. I hate him...because all I have done is try to love him and leave notes for him and write with lipstick on the mirror...etc...only to get nothing in return for 23 yrs. I hate him for making me feel so lonely after the kids grew up. I hate him for having to go to anger management classes because he can't get along with women at work. I hate him because his company moved us 1000 miles away from our hometown .....because of his temper.
I resent him because he has moved our family around 5 times. THis time was the worst. It split our kids up. My oldest doesn't want to move with us. I don't want to move. Once again, I quit my job for him. I have to start over at a new school teaching...

I hate him for not showing the kids and me love. No hugs No kisses Nothing. I hate him for not wanting to make love to me. In 10 years, we have made love ten times. And I am such an affectionate woman. I have gone to counseling..he went once...no change. I just don't like being around him. He has never been my friend. We never do anything romantic together...I just hate him for not loving me like I want him to....even when I beg him to.

And he is verbally and emotionally abusive too. There is just so much I can't mention it all....But why can't I forgive....I used to...but it didn't change anything.

Answer 1

Forgiveness is a journey. We often don't understand why we cannot forgive someone, but it takes time. It is a process involving anger, acceptance, then rage again. It takes time for your mind to come to terms with whatever has happened. But this is normal.

I think also it depends on how much you want to forgive someone. Although immediately after you have been wronged forgiveness or any idea of it doesn't seem to exist.

I think forgiveness comes when the mind has gone through all the sorting out and searching it needs to, only then can forgiveness be contemplated.

For some terrible wrongs that have been done forgiveness may never be achieved.

Let your feelings out, be angry, ask questions, and ask more later if you need to then at least, if nothing else you will find your own peace of mind. Bitterness eats some people up for their entire lives but a period of bitterness is normal.

Work through this as you would work through grief.

I hope you come to peace of mind soon.

Answer 2

The feelings are misplaced. The "anger, resentment and bitterness" you feel are for some reason directed toward yourself. You are enormously angry at yourself and blaming your husband, even if he did screw up massively and it's all his fault. (It is, isn't it?) Get rid of the anger. That is the great destroyer of souls. Only you can do this. You may need assistance. Try calling a local mental health outfit and they can refer you to someone who may counsel you at no charge. But I would better suggest finding a moderately-sized Baptist (don't laugh!) church and making an appointment with the pastor. They won't force you to join and they won't shove the Bible down your throat but you will feel your burden eased just by walking into a sanctified place. Try it once. If it's not for you, don't return.

Answer 3

It is compared to how much he hurt you. Some things you can never forgive. Is he worth trying to get past this? Is he truly sorry? Can you trust him again?

Don't do anything too fast. Time helps. But there are some things you may never be able to get past. Try to focus on other things and not dwell on this. In a few weeks you'll know if you can forgive him or not. And if he is really sorry. I think his behavior now has a lot of effect on if you can forgive or not.

Answer 4

Anger is for a short time, but do not take decisions without thinking. What you should do is to forget, I know it is not easy, just forget and love him and give him everything he needs, look after him more, care for him. Do you know how much important is to forgive? Think about what if you lose him someday? you don't want that?...so forgive and forget dear.

Answer 5

This is hard to answer becuz im not in ur shoes, but from speaking from experience, you need time by yourself to sort things thru. Ground yourself. Think of why ur filled with these feelings, are you still with ur husband? are their kids involved becuz if there are, chances are they're picking ur feelings up even if u feel that u dont show them. kids are funny that way. why did u fall in love with this man, he must have some good qualities. Pray to the spirit in ur religion, ask for guidance, talk to the people that passed on as if they're there beside you, remember the amount of time u spend angry is the amount of precious time from your life. My prayers will be for you. Peace.

Answer 6

Well, depending on what he did, you can make him crawl across a hot bed of coals to tell you he is sorry, take away all sexual privileges, beat him on the head with a hammer, cut off his private parts. Or you can forgive him by talking to him and getting him to understand that you are angry, bitter, and full of resentment for whatever he did.
Good luck

Answer 7

Again I dont know what your husband did to make you angry. If you do forgive him make sure he knows that he wont get away with messing things up again.
Make sure that if you do forgive him, do it for yourself (so that you can feel good again) and not for him.
Whatever happens i hope that you feel better, remember that people do stupid things sometimes.

Answer 8

You don't say what caused all this. You forgive when someone you live with is sorry, apologizes and then never does whatever it was again. If they don't then obviously, they are not sorry and will commit the offense again. Why live with someone like that?

Answer 9

hi green eyes hello from ireland sorry for your predicament stand back and look at your life achievments then decide is he worth a second chance but be totally honest try to rise above him be a better person than him in strenght . work out your anger &bitterness to give you a clear mind to see better for youself you just might conquer all in one go despite his faulty nature .wish you luck let me know how you do cheers

Answer 10

that would depend on what you have to forgive him for<<< some things are easier to forgive , you need to give us more info so we can try to help you