My daughter dad wants back into her life ~~ HELP~~?

Question

Ok my daughter will be 8 yrs in a few months, and has never seen her dad, well 2x when she was a baby under 6months old. We moved to Texas when she was only 8 months old and I would send info to him and photo's and all but they always got send back to us.

He only paid Child Support for 8/9 months then that stopped too. (he ows almost $11,000 ) Well i have a myspace acc.and i went to open my mail on there and had a letter from him. He wanted to know about his daughter and wanted to talk with both of us and let him number to call him.

I just don't know what to do I called him and left a number where he can call back on, I was almost sick when i called him. I just do not know what to do, I have not told any family here that he is asking about her and i don't think that i will any time soon.

I would love to know what to do now ............PLEASE HELP

~~~~ HE LEFT US AND PICK SELLING DRUG OVER BEING A FATHER ~~~ AND THIS WAS NOW 7 YRS AGO~~~ THE LAST TIME WE WERE TOGETHER HE USED HER BABY BAG TO PUT HIS WEED TO MAKE A SALL AT THE MALL~~

Answer 1

First things first....
Beg, borrow or steal to hire yourself an attorney and be sure that you have FULL physical and legal custody!! Tell your family if you need their help with this. If you do not, he may and request shared custody, visitation, etc...
Once you have established the custody issue, then you can consider some visitation. An attorney will be able to advise you.
The fact remains that he IS her father, and that gives him legal rights, regardless of your (and my) feelings on the subject. You will be better off if you took control of the situation instead waiting to see what is going to happen.
Good luck and best wishes!!

Answer 2

You need to do what is in the best interest of your daughter. If she doesn't know about him, then why upset the apple cart? Your husband is her father. A sperm and an egg do not make a parent, the people who love the child and take care of the child are the parents. I would wait until she is older to let her know. It will confuse her a lot and might make her very upset since she has only known your husband as her father. She might end up feeling abandoned by the biological father and this leads to psycological problems leading into adulthood. If he isn't on the birth certificate, there isn't any reason that she even needs to know.

Answer 3

Well the first thing you need to do is tell him straight out if he wants to see her then it means being in her life not being in her life for a month then vanishing or coming in and out of her life because all that is going to do is break your daughters heart.

Another thing you may want to do is sit your daughter down and ask her if she actually wants to meet him.Most 8 year olds can understand stuff like this and decide what they want to do..

If he does come into her life it needs to be taken very slow, do not try and rush her into a relationship with him and it may not be very wise to have her calling him dad right away because to her he is basically a stranger and it is going to take time for her to adjust to this.

In my opinion it sounds like in the past he has not cared about her I mean she is almost 8 years old and he is just wanting to get into her life and he has not paid child support. People change and maybe he has but only time will tell if he has.

If he owes 11,000 in child support why have the police not gone after him?? I am not exactly sure if you have to report it or the people who handle the child support do but I know first time you are reported they suspend your licence and the second time you go to jail.

Answer 4

You hold your ground. Either he becomes a man right here and acknowledges his lifelong responsibility to his daughter or you cut him loose forever, right here.

If he wants the joy / pleasure / love but is unwilling to do the work that "father" takes, it truly will be better to say good-bye now. The heart-jerks that he will cause for years going in and out of her life are not worth it. If he doesn't want to be a real father, why bother? You will move on and so will your daughter.

Now, let's also get real about the child-support. You have somehow survived without it. He's running scared that you will demand it if he comes in "out of the cold".

How about this: He comes in, turns the corner and becomes the responsible father, supporting his baby girl starting right now and let's everyone forget about the past.

Good luck.
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Answer 5

You see I am a father of two wonderful kids. I am divorced and I know this had a very big emotional impact on them. Whatever your husband's short comings are you should not let that get in the way of having your daughter experience the feeling of LOVE from her father. Life is too short, right now at your daughter's age it's really hard for her to understand why her dad is not around so if you can let the dad experience the part of being a dad and for your daughter to experience having ONE.

Answer 6

Ok, I believe that every child has a right to know his/her parent. However, having said this, I believe that it is up to the parent to know their child. I would get in touch with my local child support division and find out if there is any way for them to help you. They may do supervised visits so that the child doesn't have to be alone with someone they don't know. If you haven't already, I would start talking with your daughter about him--let her know that it isn't her fault that her dad hasn't been around and that he just wasn't grown up enough to accept the responsibility of raising her. Don't speak badly of him, that's the worst thing you can do. And, answer her questions about him as honestly as you can, but keep the answers age appropriate. Good luck!

Answer 7

I doubt that he became a drug dealer after you met him and conceived a child. What did you think would happen when you got pregnant by a man without values/morals.
Now your daughter is stuck in the middle of this mess. Nice work.
Get an attorney to help you two work this out before additional damage is done to your daughter.

Answer 8

if he truely loved his child he would pay the child support, as the child support goes for the child's benifit if anything i would consult a lawyer

Answer 9

He is the dad I think you should let him be a part of her life. How would you like it if he had her and didnt let you see her?