I have split up with my other half after 4 amazing years together because of his MOTHER! she cannot seem to let him go and has laid the whole 'emotional blackmail' thing on him and he feels an obligation to take care of her (she is a widow) so I'm in a no win situation here. I cannot understand how she expects him to live like this tied to her freakn' apron!! Have any of you been in a similar situation. What did you do about it?
2006-11-04 23:53:21 · 17 answers · asked by chocaholic246 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
Oh yes. I could tell you so many stories about my mother in law but it would just ruin my day getting worked up about it. What i do with my husband now is that when she starts texing i take the phone off him. This may sound harsh but i started doing that when we went on holiday and she wouldn't stop texing asking him if he was ok!!? It felt like she was there with us. I think you just have to find your own way around the problem but i do sympathise with you.
2006-11-05 00:22:30 · answer #1 · answered by Jo 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I'd talk to him, think he needs to cut loose from tha apron tho and he gives into the emotional blackmail... she sounds like a nightmare.
Was in a similar situation once and told him "it's either me or her" he couldn't choose obviously so we came to a compromise he stopped calling her as often, told her not to visit us on a daily basis and we both went to see her together and involved her in stuff we were doing... she soon learned that he had grown up and i was able to look after him as well as she did!!
He wasn't aware of it while he was in it but after a talk and some time he could see what was happening.
Good luck to you both
2006-11-05 00:03:28 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Going out with a man who has never lived away from his family home is ALWAYS a bad idea, as they don't know how to do basic chores, and will not share the workload if their mother did everything for them they will expect you to pick up where she left off - as will she. Mummy's boys are an absolute turn off.
2006-11-05 00:05:01 · answer #3 · answered by Bumblebee 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Have you tried talking to her? If your ex has no siblings he is gonna feel obliged to take care of her, wouldn't you care for your mum if she needed you? Maybe his mum is lonely. Try all sitting down and talking together. A guy usually treats his women as well as he treats his mother so somewhere in there you have a decent guy because he hasn't turned his back on his mum. Maybe you are being a little too hard on him.
..
2006-11-04 23:58:47 · answer #4 · answered by Kizzy_ 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Don't waste your time!! If in 4 years he hasn't made the commitment of putting you first, then he never will. She is not the first to be a widow or needing care!!! It is nice to see men closed to their mums, but to stop relationships for the mum is unhealthy and not worth of your your time!!! Do you really want someone as weak and mummy bounded as him?
2006-11-05 00:15:13 · answer #5 · answered by damari_8 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Yes I have. He was 27 and still living at home. We were engaged to be married until I had a conversation with his mother, during which I learned that she still made his sandwiches for work every day and was expecting me to take over this chore once we were married. I explained to her that as we both worked full time and I didn't eat lunch, he would have to take responsibility for his own sandwiches. I know it seems really petty but I knew from the look on her face that I wasn't the daughter-in-law she'd dreamed off. I had already been questioning our relationship up until this point but that was the final straw. I'm now almost 40 and happily married to someone else with two beautiful children. And no, I don't make my husband's lunch for him to take to work with him! I don't know what happened to my ex but I suspect he's still living at home and his mother is still making his sandwiches.
2006-11-04 23:58:59 · answer #6 · answered by Len 2 · 2⤊ 1⤋
pick a selection of brochures for care homes and give them to her... and a pair of scissors to cut those invisible apron strings... she even used to call if he drove here in the rain to make sure he got back safe!!!
your BF hasn't chosen to spend his life caring for her... but she will black mail him rather than be alone.. I got through a 10 year relationship the same way We carried on in secret for a while, but the spineless guy had given in to his mum too many times
you shouldn't have to compete for a guy for his mother..its sounds wrong on sooooooooooo many levels
I found it much more effective to move on I'm afraid.. he might be a free man in 15-20 years
2006-11-05 00:49:44 · answer #7 · answered by miz Destiny 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
i have been in 2 serious relationships each lasting 4 years, both came with the mother in law from hell- i gave up on the first and the second gave up on me cos he found someone his mother likes!! unless you find a MAN who can put you first then dont bother, why should you have to compete with a woman who should appreciate the fact their son has met someone who loves them and would never go out of their way to hurt them!
2006-11-05 01:43:25 · answer #8 · answered by sugar 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I had the same problem for 10 years and i helped my hubby's mum through illness and everything- i understood she was frightened and insecure.
Sometimes mother's need to let go; it is not healthy for them or their child.
Don't give up on him- get tough and get him back for his own sake!
His mother may get a life for herself too then. He is artificially propping her up- being the husband figure instead of the son.
2006-11-05 00:35:57 · answer #9 · answered by brainlady 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Yes I was with a mummys boy,my solution was to dump him as quick as possible.It is like banging your head against a brick wall.
2006-11-05 07:29:58 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋