help am i a bad mother?

Question

my son has a behavior problem, usually i am calm and can handle him but today his episode was extreme, he trashed my house (he is only 10), i finnally snapped and yelled at him, i mean really yelled, i acted just like i've been trying to tell him not to act, now i feel like a right idiot, i cant shake this feeling that i've really messed up, has anyone ever had this experience, some advice would really be appreciated

Answer 1

Listen no one is perfect.It can and has happened to the best of us.My 6 year old was having a real bad day not that long ago,so I sent him to his room.He was not happy with this and had a huge temper tantrum,He was slamming his door and throwing toys,I went to go in there and tell him to knock it off when he slammed the door on my hand. Now I,m not proud of this but I spanked him.I felt Horrible. I try to lead by example and here I did exactly what I 've always told my kids not to do. Do I think this makes me a bad mother ? No I think it makes me human.As I said no one is perfect.I do not think you are a bad mom. I think you had enough and lost your temper. If any one tells you different or that they Would never or have never done this they either do not have kids or are not telling the whole truth.

Answer 2

We're all human. He should be made aware of that. At ten, he can certainly tell right from wrong. But I think you need to work on some form of punishment that is consistent, besides yelling. Thinking about this ahead of time will make you calm and prepared next time such a tantrum or outburst occur.

I would either take away certain privileges such as tv, video games, phone, or toys and set a time limit before he gets them back.

Should he trash the house again. Lock up these items until he puts everything back.

Kids at this age still respond to simple a simple punishment/reward system. But keep in mind that it only works if it is consistent and repeated.

Good luck.

Answer 3

oh sweetie .... i'm sorry you felt this way. You could use this as a good learning tool for both you and your son. If you feel that horrible about the way you acted, sit him down and explain to him that mommy made a mistake. Tell him you're sorry for screaming and yelling at him. Then you can talk to him about what it is that he does that you don't like. And tell him saying you're sorry is one way for people to forgive. Not that it takes punishment away.

On a side note, I've had days like this with my 3 yr old. WHere it seems nothing I do is right. Sometimes it feels like i want to just rip my hair out and scream lungs out. Haven't ever followed through with it, but it sounds tempting when you're in the midst of something extremely frustrating. If it happens again where you're losing your patience, I would suggest a time out for mommy. Sit in a quiet place, make sure your son is safe, and take a 5 minute breather. This way you can regain control of your emotions before it gets out of hand.

Good luck to you!

Answer 4

You're not a bad mother. You're just human, and he tried your patience to its breaking point and beyond. It's a natural response when you get angry. You have every right to yell at him.

I understand teaching by example, I really do. But, you CAN'T behave how you want him to behave. Why? You're an adult, and he's only 10. You two should behave very differently. You can watch R rated movies, he can't. You're the parent, and not his peer. You should have the authority.

If you don't like being aggressive, you can exercise authority with rewards and punishment. He's being bad? Don't give him an allowance, or not buy that shoe he wants. He's being good? Go out for ice cream.

Answer 5

Good for you for letting him know this type of behavior will not be tolerated. Even if he has a medically diagnosed behavior problem, how can you tell where that leaves off and just plain taking advantage of the situation begins? I'm really tired of this society making parents feel horrible for even raising their voices at the 'little darlings'. Thirty years ago, no one would have even questioned themselves about punishing their child over a big infraction such as this.

Answer 6

My younger brother has been diagnosed with ADHD so i know exactly what you are going through!
At times it can be difficult but just because you snapped does not make you a bad mother everybody has a thresh hold and maybe you just reached yours. That does not have any reflection on you mothering skills.For you to deal with a son with abehavioural difficulty 24/7 is a big ask you need to make sure you get your you time as well.

Answer 7

Unfortunately, it looks like you have been a bad mother in the past and are just catching on except he needs more punishment than yelling. If something has got to hurt him. Take away privileges or do something. He has to learn that everytime he does something really bad, he gets hurt. It is condition response. Then he will quit doing things bad, because he has been trained by the condition response. Bible saying "spare the rod, spoil the child. I see it every day. I had no spoiled children. I have a few spoiled grandchildren. One of them was so undisciplined, that he now does not fit in society. He has been rejected by society. That is the reward for letting children get away with everything. They become so selfish, that no one likes them when they grow up. They just don't fit. Do your son a favor and quit with the small talk. Don't do a 180, do it little by little until he gets the message. When you punish him, sit him down and talk to him after a period of time. Tell him you love him, but his behavior is unacceptable.

Answer 8

I think it's OK for kids to see their parents lose it every once and a while. It shows them that everyone gets that way sometimes and that it's OK to feel like screaming. It may also show him how much what he does really effects you and will make him want to try harder to keep his behavior in check. You have not messed up, you have created a wonderful communication tool. Good luck.

Answer 9

Your only human it happens. I have 4 children for the ages of 20 to 1 and I can't tell you the number of times I have lost my temper and said or done something that I regretted later. Just explain to him that his behavior is causing you to feel out of control and that this is something the two of you can work on togeather. By seeing our parents faults children better understand thereown. Don't beat yourself up about this.. all parents loose control at one time or another. Good luck.

Answer 10

You're not an idiot!! You can't control your situation. Don't worry a lot of parents with behavior problems do it!! You're only human. My parents did it with my brother!! He still loves you!!!