HELP.......... Can men and women just be friends !?

Question

Met a boy in June. We became friends. Talked my email or text every other day and have lots of mutual friends. My best female friend and his best male friend are a couple. He is a lovely person but is going through a rough patch including binge drinking and the likes. I know the person he can be but I also see the person he is now. He made a pass at me about 2 months ago which ended up in what he took as me rejecting him which was partly true. I kissed him but had no intention of sleeping with him which is what he was clearly aiming for although he claims he wants a relationship. Things have been strained between us since then communication is now every 2 weeks or so and then last about a couple of days then quiet again. He has admitted he was embarassed about his behaviour to mutual friends but he is also a bit of a player now when drunk.

We bumped into each other yesterday and he was a gentleman although completly drunk and tried to be friends again with the usual lets meet up and I miss you etc etc..



My questions are:

1) is he just trying to get me into bed

2) is it possible to just be his friend

3) should i text him and say nice to bump into you or will that be interpreted as a come on

4) bearing in mind i live in a small town and we have a lot of friends in common what is the best way to deal with such a situation.

Answer 1

Watch the film 'When Harry met Sally', you will get your answer, its not a bad film so a couple of hours of entertainment thrown in to the bargain

Answer 2

The situation is clear on one respect ....you simply don't want a full blown relationship with him. And you clearly are a girl who knows what she wants and doesn't want ... with great principles to boot! You may live in a small town but the world remains a big place! Relationships are the hardest thing in the world and you need both sides to be firing on all cylinders for things to work out. Some men are simply losers and will always remain so ... and unless you can see some beautiful future spark in this guy, you would be better keeping him at a distance. But don't keep him dangling on a string .... simply tell him that he isn't for you. I think you know that in your heart but you probably have to be a tad cruel here to be kind to both of you. He can't take responsibility so you must. That is because you are the strong one here. Just accept this situation as a learning curve and use the experience to identify exactly when Mr Right comes along .... you will know as the comfort zone will light up!
But as for being friends with this current guy, of course that is possible ... just make sure that he knows where he stands. And keep clear of any situations where he may feel otherwise ... it can be done ..... you clearly deserve someone nicer and more positive in your life! Good luck.

Answer 3

1) Yes, he wants to sleep with you.
2) Depends on what you mean by 'friends.' If you mean two people who hang out, but don't have sex, then yes. If you want a deeper friendship, then no. He'll always be trying to get with you, even if he doesn't realize or admit it.
3) Make sure you don't tell him anything that might be interpreted as a come on. If he thinks he still has a chance, he'll keep trying.
4) Make it perfectly clear that you have no interest in getting together with him. But, you also have to be careful not to bruise his ego too much.

Honestly, you can use the "I like you as a friend" speech. That should take the wind off his sails.

Answer 4

It is definitely possible for men and women to just be friends. I have loads of guys that are just friends, and a couple who I dated before hand and are now just friends with. The guy that I consider to be my soul mate and I have now resorted to being just friends. If he was drunk when he made the move on you, trying to get you to sleep with him then he might be genuinely embarrassed about the situation and really just wants to be friends. But then again, he might just be planning on getting into your pants. My suggestion would be to just make it extremely obvious that you don't want to sleep with him, but say that you do want to be friends with him. Some of my best guy friends are the ones that I have tried to have relationships with in the past. I think you should sent him a message saying that it was nice to bump into him. Pushes the two of you into the friends phase and lets him know that you are not quite giving up on him. If things go well and you really get to be good friends, then who knows where the friendship could lead!

Answer 5

1. If he's just trying to get you into bed, you don't need the hassle of trying to be his friend.
2. Yes, men and women can be just friends. However, kissing your male friend gives the wrong impression.
3. You can hang out together. Just do it in a public place and make comments about other guys you see who you think are cute or other girls you think he would like.
4. Just tell him that you like him as a friend, but you don't want to sleep with him. If he takes it as total rejection there's nothing you can really do about it. You shouldn't feel pressured and if it's just stressing you out, acknowledge him in public but don't hang out.

Answer 6

I think you should talk to him, tell him how you feel. That's the only way you would know what he wants from this relationship. Do you like him for more than a friend, Are you ready to change your friendship. Those are something you should think about before hand. Just talk to him and see where he stands. If all he wants is sex than forget him he is not even a friend.

Answer 7

see if you wanna restore your friendship with him then you should !
but be verry clear about waht you want ! if you are not confortable doing somethign that he wants from you then dont ! do you like him??
if you do then think about a relationship with him !! but try to figure out how serious he is about you !
if he tries to force you into sleeping with him then i guess he is not verry serious about a relationship !
if i were you i would try to restart our frienship !
he is going through a rough patch as u say , so then you should be more of a friend to him than anythign else !
help him quit or somethign or atleast cut down on alcohol !
im sure hell resist in the beginning but b there for him ! as a frnd !
he;;ll be grateful to you later ! once he gets back to his senses !
but dont lose your friend !
tc
all the best
bye

Answer 8

Wow...Okay so If I were you, I'd probably tell him to get rid of his drinking habits because when he isn't drunk he is nice and a great friend. If he doesn't get rid of his drinking habbits, don't be friends with him or you'll get into a lot of trouble and he'll just keep trying to get you in bed with him. There are a lot of good friends out in the world so don't be afraid to let one go.

Answer 9

Tricky one when you live in a small community. Do you think he would change his ways if he was with you. I feel its difficult to be just friends as emotions and sensitivty takes over, its a natural reaction. Being drunk will expand emotions go high and therefore expections higher. Good luck

Answer 10

This is my opinion only so understand that 1st. I have went down this road several times myself & I have watched my hubby do it to in opposite sex freindships. No you can not just be friends cause one of you are going to want more if not both . You may never react on it & then again you might.I think that he is interested in you & you need to confront this cause when people drink they do what they would want to do if somber. It gives them confedeince. Let him know that you are not interested & move on if that is the case.