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if u started a new relationship would u be totally up front about your past, ie where u came from where u living, number of past lovers and if the relationship was then going 3 yrs would u still keep up the pretense if u had lied at the start, i only asking cos i found out my gf not been straight about stuff like this, what would u do, she wont even admit the truth, which i getting corroborated from some of her friends who r mine as well now

2006-11-04 21:13:42 · 22 answers · asked by john d 1 in Family & Relationships Singles & Dating

22 answers

pick your battles

2006-11-04 21:15:54 · answer #1 · answered by me 2 · 0 0

most people would be honest, or perhaps a little evasive about the more 'shocking' facts for a while.

IF your gf lied (and after 3 years, you should be able to trust her above friends)there may Be a good reason for it. Have you expressed that its not OK for a woman to sleep around and later found she allegedly had more guys than fingers and toes? Then I could understand the reluctance... even though I don't agree with it.

Is it something you have made an issue out of? Perhaps theres more to it than you know. The only person who truly know those things is your gf - not her friends and certainly not yours.

The only way to encourage her to reveal hidden skeletons is to be reassuring, perhaps reveal one or 2 of your own...
She surely loves you if she wont risk the relationship with something you wont want to hear. Is it worth throwing the good part away to be right? surely the last 3 years are all that really matter.. not the history before it

But having her BF and friends discuss her in secret.. that must also feel like betrayal... remember that before you judge her

2006-11-05 05:33:18 · answer #2 · answered by miz Destiny 3 · 0 0

No not initially - you need time to build up trust - erm - why do you need to know how many lovers she's had in the past? By now she should know you well enough to at least say well yes, some (or all) of these are true - do they worry you? You could then take it from there. Try and explain that truthfulness is important to you - by the way have you always been entirely truthful to her?

2006-11-05 05:58:40 · answer #3 · answered by ? 4 · 0 0

When first dating, I may not feel obliged to give anyone a detailed rundown on my past. However, after 3 years of dating I think the intimacy of your relationship should stand telling each other about most things that matter. Some people have been so hurt by past incidents that they may not be able to bring themselves to talk about it. I'm not sure what "stuff like this" is, but if would not be relevant to your relationship now, I would not worry about it. If it is relevant, I would think twice about her lying to me--trust and love go hand in hand.

2006-11-05 05:24:35 · answer #4 · answered by conni 6 · 0 0

Depends on how serious the lies are and whether they affect your relationship. Some stuff is trivial and doesn't matter. Girls can be judged for having a higher number of partners and so can be tempted to lie. 3 years is a long time and if you have not had any serious problems until now, then it might not be worth getting stressed about now. It is worth talking to her about it, as she might have been feeling bad about it all along and feel as if she couldnt tell you. You will get an idea from talking to her whether you can continue to trust her.

2006-11-05 05:22:18 · answer #5 · answered by teary chocolate 3 · 0 0

There is no way that you can know whether or not her/your friends are telling you the truth about her. If you feel like you can't trust her, and have to get information from "friends" that's a serious flaw in your relationship. "If" she is lying to you, you have to consider why, and confront her in a non-threatening way. If she is ashamed of her past, she will keep up the lie at all cost, unless she feels like it is safe to be honest with you. So ask yourself, could there be something about you, that makes her feel like she can't be honest with you. Now, I'm not saying it's your fault, but if you are tough, or judgmental, maybe there is something you could do differently to get her to open up. Discussing it with her friends sucks, your relationship and what goes on in it should be sacred, and between the two of you. Lies suck, but sometimes people have reasons for lying, sometimes they cant face their own personal demons. I haven't lied to my boyfriend, but I didn't tell him everything right away either. As time goes on in our relationship, I tell him more and more...but that's because I know my secrets are safe with him, and he won't ever use what I say to hurt me.

2006-11-05 05:24:01 · answer #6 · answered by Kerry 7 · 0 0

In my relationship, the past was the past for both of us....as far as details of relationships...it is irrelevant. Now it is a bugbear for you this is going to be always in the back of your mind that there is something she is not telling you...or covering up. I'm not interested in past lovers...it only causes doubt...she can't be expected..or either can you to tell eachother every detail...just being together is enough for me. We're honest and don't need to ask about any past encounters.

2006-11-05 05:19:03 · answer #7 · answered by minitheminx65 5 · 0 0

How much did she lie about and how much does it matter to you? The number of past lovers really doesn't matter. I'm suprised she would even tell you that early in a relationship. The past is the past.

In other words, pick your battles.

2006-11-05 05:21:48 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0 0

New relationships are difficult to start with, you both need to get to know each other better and the only way you are going to do that is by communication and trust, start by being honest with each other, tell her about what people are saying and ask her to tell you from her own point of view.

2006-11-05 05:26:41 · answer #9 · answered by Amber 2 · 0 0

She was most likely ashamed from the start and didn't want you to hate her for lieing so she kept her mouth shut... love her and don't make it an issue, let it go and understand that it's her issues to deal with, when she's ready to and when she does, you will be the first to know... It dosen't mean that she has lied about loveing you or anything thats really important, it just means that she has things she didn't want to shame you with about her past for fear that you wouldnt be with her...

2006-11-05 05:30:01 · answer #10 · answered by sexton 6 · 0 0

lying is always a problem, some people are to scared to tell new people the truth, then if you end up staying together they are to embarrassed to admit they lied in the first place.i personally don't think it matters too much what happened before in someones life,its what happens after that counts

2006-11-05 05:26:59 · answer #11 · answered by aunty m 4 · 0 0

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