My step daughter is a good girl most of the time but this weekend she has said something that is now making my blood boil. I understand it is not her fault but the situation is bad & as a result i am starting to resent her.
I treat her like i would treat my own daughter, very well. i put a lot of effort into her bonding & maintaning our relationship but her mother is clearly not happy with this. apparently it would suit her better if i treated her daughter like rubbish.
What happened was last night my step daughter & i were cleaning our teeth & she was spitting out her tooth paste. i held her hair back from her face to stop her from spitting on her hair & when i did this she said" my mum says that you make me look stupid when you do my hair".
my husband & i spoke with her but she is only six & she is just stuck in the middle.
What makes me angry is tonight my husband went to drop her off & said nothing to his ex. Do you think he should deal with her? What would you think?
2006-11-04 18:52:24 · 15 answers · asked by alilovespete 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Family
No dealing with her is not the right way to go as long as you and your step daughter are having good times what her mother says doesnt matter dont get into her controlling methods.Maybe the response you could have said was im sorry sweety dont you want me to do your hair anymore or well ok if you dont like it how about we look at some pictures and we can try some different things that you would like done. Hubby is only going to put smack bang in the middle of it if he says anything...if he did what would her response be? like she would care? she wants you to bite but being angry and spiteful is a sad game to play. Enjoy your daughter you have the right to have fun in any way that you wish....good luck
2006-11-04 21:52:33 · answer #1 · answered by blue_eyed_woman_of_3 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I'm sorry but more than likely the step daughter said that because SHE thinks it's silly that you hold her hair back. And used her mum to say that so you wouldn't think badly of her. She is 6 years old, that is still a baby in many ways. And you said you do everything to treat her like a daughter then you get upset about something so small as that? And now you are resentful of a 6 year old...please you need to think about this more. Maybe you should get a book on 6 year old, telling you what to expect etc. because you obviously think she should think like and act like an adult. And if your husband had said anything to his ex she may have thought he was nuts. And you do realize that you also make your husband spend even more time with his ex talking about issues. It's not a big enough deal even if she did say this. Next time calmly ask your step daughter what she thinks, does she thinks it looks silly? If she said..well yes, then either she made that up or she talked to her mum about it.
2006-11-05 03:01:53 · answer #2 · answered by Jan G 6 · 0⤊ 1⤋
okay, settle down for a second here. She is only six, so you just cannot blame her for repeating something her mom told you because she doesn't understnad that she's hurting you. Do not resent her- you are simply feeling insecure because I have a feeling that you've been feeling a bit unsure about the situation with here mom for a while- otherwise you wouldn't be taking this so seriously. Get over your anger with your stepdaughter, you should apologise to her if you said or treated her any differently after the incident. As for her mom, get over that as well because really it isn't that big a deal. No mother would ever be happy with the idea of another woman playing mom to their kids. It's a tough situation for her too. Ask your husband to talk to his ex next time, and let her know what happened. Then get him to tell her to not say things like that to their daughter because it is being repeated at your house. calm down and try to be less wound-up. Deal with the problem immediatley. Good Luck
2006-11-05 02:59:18 · answer #3 · answered by jemm4president 3 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Sweetie, when you married him you also got the ex too, unfortunately. The girl is 6, and very young and just repeating what her Mother is saying. She doesn't realize really what she is saying at this age. Your going to have to grow some thick skin. Whatever you do don't start resenting this child. She will sense that and it will only get worse. Let it go, let the comment go. Let it bounce off of you. Otherwise you will be the one hurting and seething over this and the Mother, will continue if she knows she can get a rise out of you. The ex is very jealous of you, that is evident. So kill her with kindness. And continue to treat the little girl as if she was your own. Believe me it will come back to bite the ex in the butt one day. So hang in there. And try to not to complain to much to your husband. Just think about it, he has 3 women in his life that he has to deal with. That is alot to have to put up with. You treat him like a King, and his daughter like a Princess and believe me you will be the Queen to them both.
2006-11-05 03:05:55 · answer #4 · answered by ncamedtech 5 · 0⤊ 1⤋
The ex is just jealous and is trying to get a rise out of you. Let it slide and don't sink down to her level. Another thing, the child is only six, and was repeating what her mother said, she wasn't personally trying to hurt your feelings, so don't treat her with resentment, because the more love you show her, the closer you two will become as time goes on. As for your husband, you do need to talk with him and let him know how you feel, but don't get angry over it.
2006-11-05 04:50:50 · answer #5 · answered by Zodiac_Child 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
OK listen to my advice because I've been there. Except I'm the bitchy ex wife who years later regrets everything I've done & wishes I could take it all back. Unfortunately the mother is feeling jealous & I'm sure that your step daughter comes home & talks so highly of you & the fun you had which automatically gets her jealous. Shes wrong just like I was. But as for your husband he has to back you up but when he does her mother will cry saying daddy did this to me & its all because of(your name)Nip this in the bud. Give her my e mail & I'll tell her how her behavior will affect her daughter. You'll see an immediate about face.
2006-11-05 03:31:04 · answer #6 · answered by gitsliveon24 5 · 2⤊ 0⤋
she was just telling you what her mom said, no reason to be angry with her, children haven't at that age, haven't realized how words effect us, no reason to have the hubby say anything to the wife, because in her own opinion, she didn't really like it, or just plain jealousy. If you already know there is a problem between the two of you, the mother will use the girl against the dad...you don't want to be in the middle or cause of that...just be the bigger person, and let it go in one ear...out the other..Trust me at that age...she has forgotten half the stuff her mother has said about you. it's no big deal...next time you speak to the mother...ask her ...what style of hair would you like her to do it in, she'll know the girl told you, then she'll watch her mouth next time....
2006-11-05 03:24:39 · answer #7 · answered by Chocolate_Bunny 6 · 2⤊ 0⤋
look i know this is hard for you but i think there is not much you can do, but just let it go in one ear and out the other. Because it looks like Mum maybe jealous because you have been getting on
really well with her daughter, Mum know her daugther likes you a
lot and this is why you are starting to have trouble now.
Don't let her win, don't come down to her level . i know it will be hard but hang in there .
may God bless you and remember Jesus love you
2006-11-05 03:10:08 · answer #8 · answered by jan d 5 · 2⤊ 0⤋
All you can do is ignore it. If your step daughter says something like that again just tell her you tried hard to not make her look stupid. If you have your husband say something it'll just give his ex the attention from him that she wants. She'll do it again but not as often if you ignore her.
2006-11-05 02:59:09 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
If your husband says something to her, she will know that it bothered you. Do you really want her to think she has the upper hand.
Sooner or later the 6 yr old will be old enough to see what her mother is doing.
sounds like me that she is jelouse of you relationship with her daughter.....just ignore her.
2006-11-05 06:39:58 · answer #10 · answered by t j 1 · 1⤊ 0⤋