she swears at me an throws things is well an hits her sister i have asked her has she any problems she says no i have asked her why shes so naughty all a get is caues a feel like it. i try to ground an give her no pocket money. i would really be greatful if a could have some good advice.
2006-11-04 17:42:13 · 28 answers · asked by Anonymous in Pregnancy & Parenting ➔ Parenting
11 year olds are cheeky and mischevious; that is what they do. But...
Swearing and throwing things at you, the mother? You have tried grounding and other good forms of punishment and discipline that do not involve a smack. It is time for you to give that child of yours a good spanking my friend.
I have an 11 year old daughter that yelled to my face to shut up three weeks ago. Likely that won't happen again. I know its tough, but what will you do when she drops you to the floor in three years.
2006-11-05 00:18:16 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 3⤊ 1⤋
I have had three daughters and they all were cheeky at times. Never swearing or throwing things at me. I don't quite know what I would have done. To start, T.V. out of bedroom,no mobile, no pocket money, no sweets. Deliver and collect from school gate. Then if none of this works, I'd take her to the doctor for a check up. If this behaviour continues we will all be reading about her one day in the newspaper. What was the effect of your previous punishment?I wonder what issues will make her become violent and abusive? You have to remeember that she has no respect for you as she would not be doing the things she does. She is either attention seeking/annoyed or upset about something you have done and cannot confront you about/has a behavioural problem which needs professional help or all of them! I hope it gets sorted out. Don't let it destroy you though. Remember that in 7 short years she will make her own life and walk away from the havoc she has caused in yours.
2006-11-05 01:55:54 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
11 year olds are just finding their feet and tend to 'act up'. My daghter is 11 year old and she has just changed to upper school and thinks she owns the world !
My best tactic is ignoring the bad behaviour and rewarding positive behaviour . Always carry out threats ( eg last night i told her if she didn't tidy her room we wouldn't go to the firework display ..and we stayed home !)
As for the person suggesting a start chart ??? welcome to the new millenium, an 11 year old would laugh at a star chart !
If her behaviour is totally unacceptable ( like hitting her sister) then confining her to her room and ignoring her will do the trick . I usually get a sorry and good behaviour after abut half an hour !
And pocket money should be earned not given, after all if you went to work and abused your boss I am sure he would not pay you !
2006-11-06 01:17:35 · answer #3 · answered by snoopyfanno1 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Yes I am also there...
I think we have a problem because perhaps we were not like it.
You need to get into sync with her monthly hormones...watch and learn..it is a very trying time for her...so she is hurting the people who love her most.
I now refuse to get involved...gosh even had a two hour screaming tantrum...was just like a two year old because she couldn't find a t-shirt.
We ignored her and she got over it without our intervention.
She has been smacked...screamed at....and denied treats.... none work....it simply fuels the rage inside.
Yep the best thing to do is totally ignore her outrages and love her to bits when she gets over them....talk to the sister ask her to help...no winding up using things etc....
We love our daughters but hate the demons they become....I think you know that she is generally good so you have done well by her..she will not necessarily turn into a ASBO offender as others think....But the hardest thing is to keep going...and give her the support when she deserves it.
Reward the good only. Re-inforce positive responses and give up on re-acting to the bad.
2006-11-05 07:18:39 · answer #4 · answered by SALLY D 3 · 0⤊ 1⤋
As I have no idea what your relationship is like, could it be attention seeking, is she getting enough time with you, could it be puberty, is she frustrated about something. If you approach it in an aggressive manner I feel it will make the situation worse, could she be having problems with friends or school and can't or doesn't know how to tell you. Has your or her life changed in anyway. Once you have tried this maybe try something a bit stronger. Instead of asking if she has any problems, why don't you ask her questions sort of going round the houses but not direct questions.
Good luck
2006-11-05 07:38:04 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋
The most important thing when dealing with children is to be consistent and never ever threaten anything you are not prepared to carry out.
Try not to get angry - I know that's a tough one but it will put you back in control if you can manage it.
At one point my kids were getting a little mouthy and pushing their luck - I was at a loss and getting angry as well, then I came up with a brilliant strategy: Every time they were cheeky or naughty I would give them one chance to stop, then calmly say "OK, that's 15 mins of TV gone" they kept going "thats 1/2 hour of TV gone - shall we keep going?" they keep going, keep raising the punishment, but smile while you are doing it, don't get hot under the collar just say " you really want to keep messing with me?" and adding to it each time they are smart or naughty during that incident.
Give your daughter a chance to stop her behaviour - just ask her politely to stop, if she does not stop then go right into this strategy. I personally don't like asking more than once as it reinforces the idea that they don't have to listen the first time you ask. I also feel it is important to be polite when dealing with your children - they learn by example.
Now - its very important you stick to what you have said, it is also important not to start out with something really drastic. Just start out small, for instance - "That's half your pocket money for this week" then go to "right, thats all your pocket money for this week" at that point you could look her in the eye and say - "want to try for next week now?"
I would suggest you pick something at random for each incident and make it different for each incident, that way if she is complaining about the loss later on you can refer it right back to the actual incident - "well this would not have happened if you had not _____".
As long as she knows you will stick to what you say, this should work. It puts control firmly back into your hands.
2006-11-05 02:32:10 · answer #6 · answered by Sue 4 · 0⤊ 1⤋
11 year olds are no longer allowed to be "cheeky" and "naughty". Those terms are for toddlers who are just learning right from wrong. An 11 year old who is hitting her sister and and throwing things at you has a serious problem. It is time to consult a family therapist or behavioral counselor. Do it soon, because this will only escalate into something much much worse in her teen years.
2006-11-05 01:49:17 · answer #7 · answered by Signilda 7 · 6⤊ 0⤋
I think she is acting out to get attention. Maybe this is her way of saying 'hey look at me, I exist to!'. I agree that disciplining her for her behaviour is a must, because it shows her who is in control, and you need to let her know that a degree of respect is needed between you and her, as well as, between her and her sister.
On the other hand try having some alone time with her, just you and her, make it a routine thing so you can spend some time with your daughter and get to know her. I think that is the underlying problem...she feels you don't know her, you pay no attention to her and the only way for her to be noticed is acting out.
At that age, peer pressure...the feeling of not being accepted is normal...they don't know what they want in their life and it's your chance now to show her that guidance give her that love, show her how to act in an appropriate manner. She may be defensive at first but I am sure she will soften up and you will see the true her, and maybe realise that she's got some problems of her own, some challenges she is trying to get through. She wants you there to help her through it, to guide her and to be her mother.
Give her that chance, and maybe you both could form a relationship out of it?? Worth a try isn't it??
2006-11-05 02:06:31 · answer #8 · answered by micheypoo 4 · 0⤊ 2⤋
Here is some good advice...I'm 23/M and from what you wrote for all to see is that you have tried what you hear if fair parenting. I applaud your effort. But I think alot of American parents have lost the true sense of discipline they place on their children. America took God out of all public schools...that's where the problem really began. So don't blame yourself. What you need to do is show your daughter that you're in charge, and don't afraid to show her discipline. in force your beliefs.If that means a spanking then do it. One or two, heck even a few...it will show her that you are not playing around, and just maybe her "I just felt like it" will be I'm sorry mommy.where is dad?
2006-11-05 01:58:51 · answer #9 · answered by Izzy L 1 · 2⤊ 1⤋
11 years old and she is taking control she will be fighting you when she is thirteen or twelve. She swears then punish her by washing her mouth out with soap, she throws things then throw thing back, she hits her sister try letting her sister hit her back, take away the TV make her stay in her room after school no activity what so ever and every once in a while a whooping won't hurt you to give it to her right on her back side.
2006-11-05 01:55:09 · answer #10 · answered by I am women 6 · 2⤊ 2⤋