Do u have the funniest stand-up or just funniest joke?

Question

this is mine

A man is opening a restaurant and he asks one of his workers to come up with a name for it.
The man tells Al, one of his workers, that he will name the resaurant after the first thing Al sees when he goes out the door.

Al walks outside and the first thing he saw was a girl named Lucy and he saw her legs. He told the man, and so the restaurant was named Lucy's Legs. The man was so impressed that he said the next day Al could get a free drink.

The next day Al comes a bit early and a policeman walks by and notices Al waiting there. The policeman asks, "What are you doing?"

Al says, "I'm waiting for Lucy's legs to open so I can get a drink."

Answer 1

Two flies are sitting on a turd, one of them farts, and the other one says "Hey, I'm trying to eat."

Answer 2

No! It would not even make any experience. attempt this one: I relatively have a chum who labored for 2 many years at McDonalds. He left some weeks in the past and have been given a job as a butcher. He won't be in a position to ruin his previous conduct, although; each and every-time somebody is attainable in for some uncooked meat, he says, "is that this for right here or to bypass?"

Answer 3

Isabelle hadn't seen Mirna since High school, when they bumped into each other at the mall. "Why Isabelle," what have you been doin all these years, girl? Well, says Isabelle, the first thing I did when I graduated, was I married me a rich man! Mirna says, a rich man? Well thats "fantastic!" Isabelle then says, yes, and we own 5 townhouses, with 5 car garages, all of them have Mercedes in them. Mirna says, well thats "fantastic!" Isabelle says, uh huh, we also own the college our almost "perfect" children attend. Mirna says, that "is" fantastic!" Isabelle asks Mirna, so what did "you" do after high school? Well, says Mirna, the first thing I did was I signed up for "charm school." Isabelle says, "charm school, what you learn in "charm school?" Well, says Mirna, the first thing they taught us, was to say "fantastic" instead of BULLSHIT!

Answer 4

ahshshhshsahahsa! Mine is

there is a man who goes to the park every morning to sit on the beNCH. So one day a buisness man walks by on a cell phone blabbing about work. Then the old man says hey can i do be you nananan?

Then the buisness man yells what then he goes about his buisness. Then the buisness man goes about his buisness then the old man say do ba babababab noodles? Then the buisness man yells what??????!!!!!!

then the old mans says lublbublbublbubl ahhhh! then the buisness man says look old man you need to get your crazy old behind out of here! The people around are staring and saying you mean old big shot you hurt the old mans feelings!! yeaa take your suitcase and get out of here!!!!

The buisness man's boss on the phone thought he was talking about him and hung up so the man got fired the next morning told by his boss and he said well who's going to take me place? then the old man from the park turned around and winked at him with a black buisness man suit on and a cell phone.

Answer 5

LMAO........very funny...........hahahaha....

A madam decides to retire & get married. Her main requirement in a husband is that he be a virgin. She meets an Australian whom she is convinced is a virgin & marries him.

On their honeymoon she says "I'm going to the bathroom & get ready. You get things ready out here."

When she comes out of the bathroom, he has pushed all the furniture out in the hall.

"Why did you do that?" she asked.

"Well love, I figured if women were anything like kangaroos we'd need all the room we can get"...

Answer 6

Grandma is walking along the beach holding her precious grandson. Along comes a large wave and carries the baby out to sea. Grandma drops to her knees and prays.

"Dear God,

Please send my precious grandson back unharmed. If you send him back, I will never gossip again. I will never say a mean word to anyone. I will give 20% of my income to the poor. Please, PLEASE, PLEASE bring my grandson back.

Along comes another wave and "plop" the beautiful baby drops right back into the grandmother's arms.

She looks down....
She looks up....
"So..., he had a hat."

Answer 7

When I was a baby I was so ugly the doctor slapped my mother!

Answer 8

cute...sounds like a joke you'd hear on the playground :-)

Answer 9

cute...
mine is
Q. why don't guys eat pu$$y in the morning???
A. ever try to open a grilled cheese sandwich??? hehehe
kinda old but cute

Answer 10

hilarious